Why My Second Kid Has A Better Mom

Being a second kid can totally suck. You get hand-me-down toys, hand-me-down clothes, and you never really get Mom to yourself. You always have someone picking on you, annoyed by you even though you just wanted to play, someone bigger/stronger/faster than you.

But you know what is awesome about being the second kid? You get a much better mom. Before baby #1, I was terrified but knew I would be a great mom because I read every.single.article. I read every.single.forum. I was in every.single.mom group. Baby #1 got like three baby showers, a perfectly curated nursery, brand new clothes, every teether on the market. I wouldn’t feed non-organic, I wouldn’t put her down if she was crying, I wouldn’t let anyone babysit her. I wouldn’t take time for myself, I wouldn’t let her self soothe, and I wouldn’t let her just do her thing.

Baby #2 didn’t get any of that shit. And honestly, I think he’s better for it. He is still THE happiest baby on this earth and he doesn’t give a shit about any of it. Now this all may change when they get a bit older, since now they are just 3 and 10months, but for now I’m not stressing it. He doesn’t care he has purple sheets. He doesn’t care his toys are his sister’s hand-me-downs bought from Goodwill to begin with. He doesn’t care that I let him eat pepperoni and shredded cheese for lunch.

Baby #2 gets the “cool mom.” She isn’t worried about the tiniest bump on his arm because she knows it is just a mosquito bite, no reason to ask the mom group, go back outside and play. She isn’t helicopter-ing around him as he learns to crawl and walk, she’s just encouraging, knowing there will be a few tumbles. She isn’t staying at home locked away from the world because she wants no one to watch him, he gets to know everyone at the party as he gets passed around and loves it. She isn’t stressed and hating herself and beating herself up because of that one little mistake that Suzie from Facebook would NEVER allow but really doesn’t fucking matter. He ate an m&m, holy shit!

Baby #2 gets to experience more in life. He gets an older sister to inspire, teach, and torture him. He gets the already tired parents willing to let him “just be a kid.” He gets a ton more freedoms off the bat. And he still has parents who freaking love him. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? Teaching them love? For the world, for others, for themselves?

So if you have baby #2 on the way and you’re fucking terrified, shit even baby #1, just let them be. Don’t be so caught up in all the little things you have to do, focus on just being the best mom you can be. That doesn’t mean the laundry will always be done. That doesn’t mean your floors are spotless. That doesn’t mean everyone is always doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. Because after baby #2, none of those things are going to be happening. But you are going to notice all of the little things you didn’t really pay attention to with your first because you were too concerned with what you should be doing.





Shittiest Move of the Week


Wow, I haven’t done this in a hot minute. I thought it was about time I brought back this segment. I think calling ourselves out on the shit we do is important. It helps us grow, makes us think and allows us to get a bit less shitty!

So this week I told myself to back off social media and political discussions. We all know they are all over the place. Everyone is sharing, posting, tagging and I get it. We all have so much we want to say and what better soundboard than Facebook. But it was beginning to ruin my day. I am very passionate about things and when I see a post, especially by someone I consider a friend, and we do not agree…..well, I can not control myself. I fucking can’t. I defend myself and my views and my values OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. But why??!! My post is never, ever ,ever going to change someone’s mind. And I know this, but I can’t stop.

This week, after the Womens March, I got a little out of control. I could not stop. Posting. Arguing. Defending. It has become a problem. And you know what, I don’t think defending my views is shitty. But it is fucking pointless. Maybe the higher ups want this. All this arguing amongst each other, so we can let that get in the way of the actual facts (not the alternative facts….actual facts….sorry, I can’t help it!)

But fighting and disagreeing is so not my style. So I am commiting to taking sometime off. Sadly, the only way for me to do that is to stay off of Facebook. No more scrolling for me for a minute. A LONG MINUTE. Maybe even a 4 year minute. My shitty move of trying time and time to make someone understand that they are a douche is just not worth ruining my day! So peace out Facebook arguements. You were real, you were shitty….you were realy shitty.


The Shitty Housewife



Shittiest Move of the Week


So school started up this week for me. SUCKS!!!! Especially because the whole repeating a class bullshit. Anyway, if you all remember that I failed my statistics last semester. And even though I straight up flopped in the class, I felt like I should have been given  D because I did all the work. I did it poorly, but I did it. So when I got the actual F on my transcript, I kinda lost my shit. ON EVERYONE…..

One being my adviser. I went to her complaining about getting an F and explained that I turned everything in, took all the exams and completed the discussions. I wanted her to do something about it because she is my adviser and also the dean of this department. She came back to me with the news that even though I did do the work, I failed. My grades sucked and she understood why the teacher failed me. Now at the time, I was already infuriated….and now, this news, well it sent me over the edge. I kinda, well, flipped the fuck out on her. I said a few things I shouldn’t have. I threatened to leave, not only the program but the school. I went fucking crazy.

So I pissed her off. So much so, now when I reached out to her about registration for this semester a few weeks ago, she wouldn’t even deal with me. I was sent to her assistant. And I kinda understand where she was coming from. I was a nasty bitch to her, I wouldn’t want to deal with my psycho ass either. So in my embarrassment, I told the assistant to sign me up for 3 classes. Whatever ones I needed at this point. I didn’t give a shit. Well as I open my registration which professors name is on my schedule???? Yep….Prof. Adviser…..FUCK. Now this women who I told I would sue for not firing a teacher who failed me (yeah, I went crazy) the women who shooed me away to her assistant, the women who knows I failed a class, is my god damn teacher. Not only her, I have the same statistic professor who failed me, and yet another women who I flipped the fuck out on.

My freak out is coming back to haunt me…big time. I tried to make light of the situation and poke fun of myself in the introductions this week…but I didn’t get many LOL’s back (online classes thank god) So my shittiest move was something I did months ago…but I am paying for it this week. Wish me luck…..


Shittiest Move of the Week


TGIF and I freaking mean that this week. We survived week one with a kid in school and I have never been more excited to see the weekend. Except that I have to work tonight and Matt in the morning. But we have a weekend of fun so I can breath again. But before all of that I need to call myself out on my shittiest move this week. Here we go.

I know that all I have talked about this week is Viv starting school. Huge deal right?! But I realized after the first two days that I have made this week all about me. So much so I actually said (well shouted) those actually words to my 3 year old son. He was crying as we dropped her off, then started crying about wanting a new toy and I was having a moment. Or at least trying to have a moment. I wanted to watch her walk away. Watch her go and all I could focus on was him being cranky Kellen (his nick name.) She asked me to take him out of the school. She said she was good. I was so proud, but so sad. Like I felt so bad not being able to focus on her and her moment (well, my moment.) So as we walked home and he kept crying and complaining I shouted “Kellen, you ruined this morning for me” and some more things I am too shitty to admit. It didn’t really phase him. But as the day went on I saw how much he wasn’t ready for her to start school. He missed her and he didn’t know what to do without her. And the tantrum he was throwing was just confusion and worry about her not being near him all day like he is so accustom to.

It took me awhile to figure it out though. And as he tantrumed, well, I tantrumed back. I wanted to be the one crying. I wanted to be allowed to feel all the feels of a kid heading off to school. I wanted a moment and when you have multiple kids, well, you don’t get that. Well, maybe you do if you have a nanny or something, but not here. We will one day get to feel everything, but just not now. We as adults, just have to suck it up and move on.

Like right now, as I try to complete this, he is crying about getting a new toy (Viv told him I would buy him one today……WTF.) Anyway, my shittiest move is being a bitch to my toddler so I could be a big baby. Not logical, but hey am I ever????

Happy Friday,


The Shitty Housewife

Shittiest Move of the Week


So as I wrap up my writing about my vacation, I thought I would end it with a bang. Of course I was shitty on vacation. OF COURSE!!!!! I mean, I am The Shitty Housewife, it is to be expected right?!

So it wasn’t anything that terrible, and I think a lot of people could relate. Vacation with kids can be stressful. A different environment, a new place to sleep, people spoiling you all over the place. But for some reason, I was extra tense this week. I could not relax, no matter how hard I tried. And I was TRYING! And I was trying so hard, I turned into an edgy, tense, feisty bitch. Like big time. I was constantly snapping at the kids, rolling my eyes, and staring at the clock waiting for bedtime. One night, I was so over it, I put the baby to bed at 5:30 (that is about 3 hours early for him.) I just couldn’t.

I think in my head I had this idea of them chilling out on vacation. But instead they turned into rampaging, party animals. Even more so then they are at home. Look it all worked out and everyone survived, but not without some mommy meltdowns in between. Matt had to tell me to calm down numerous times. And after we landed back home, walked to baggage claim, strolled by an airport store selling cute kid luggage and my daughter said “Mommy, I want that travel bag” I glared back and stated “No need, we are never traveling again.” I realized that I was the one making things tenser than they needed to be. It is vacation, let it go. Blow of steam. Care less, right?!

Welp, better luck next time………if there is ever a next time.

Shittiest Move of the Week

download (9)

So this week, my worst move involves being shitty to you. Well, 60 of you. See, I was asked to host an Atlanta screening of the new movie Bad Moms. So cool right?! I was so honored, thrilled, stoked, excited!!! I’m annoucing it and you guys are loving it. Scoring your tickets, getting to see the movie DAYS before anyone else…for FREE. We all scored! Then I realized something not so cool……

I am not going to be in Atlanta on July 21st. Yep, we are taking our very first vacation since the baby (who is now 17 months!) to be with Matts parents for their 40th anniversary in New Hampshire. BUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys I am so sorry. I know you guys will still have so much fun with me. And my girl Nicole, will be there AND I will be skyped in so I will be there VIRTUALLY. But it still sucks. I was trying to finagle something,like a quick flight back for the night, but that shit just isn’t going to happen.

But you guys still get the theater! All my Shitty Housewives out there, all 60 of you who claimed tickets!!!! You get to still see the movie before everyone else. And you get to see it ON me.

My deepest apologizes for not being there. But it is kinda perfect….The Shitty Housewife not showing up for her own event???!!! What could be more shittier?!

Shittiest Move of the Week


For starters, as always, Happy Friday. Another week down, another weekend is welcomed. Friday mornings when I was growing up were always so exciting. It was the last day of school, time to party (or sleep in, hang out with family, do all the other shit other than school.) When I got older, it was the start to the weekend…you know, time to party. Get cute, layout, have zero responsibilty for a couple days. Now, I work most weekends, always Friday nights. My kids never sleep in and Matt and I are in and out of each others days Saturday and  Sunday. But I still enjoy that Friday feeling.

Anyway, enough of me procrastinating about my lamesness for the week. I can not say my shittiest move is not giving my husband the booty. Look, I am still holding out on him, BUT we have had plenty of fun and I am proud to say I have kept him very satisfied this week. But my shittiest move does involved him.

So he is a neat freak. Likes a very clean and kept house. Why he married me I will never know because I am the complete opposite. Anyway, he has lightened up since me, the dogs and the kids. But he still has his moments. He has spent countless money and time buying new things that we have ruined. Rugs being a mjor issue. My pugs…well they never fully welcomed potty training. So pee on the rugs have been a battle since Day 1.

Well last nght after Matt worked another long day and came home to a semi gross house…THANK YOU SHITTY HOUSEWIFE, I decided to give Cam, my 15 month old some diaper freedom. He has know idea about his bowels and controling them, so who knows what I was thinking. Well, Cam decides that peeing on our living room rug, the one rug that has not been destroyed by urine (the one Matt spent the most money on, the one in the center of our house) needed to be christned with his piss. So he let that rug have it. Matt, was so irritated. He didn’t get pissy (hehe) towards me, but he did tell Cam he need to always wear a diaper. Loud enough for me to hear it.

Poor guy, after a long day of work, two hours of chores, he sits down to relax and watches his youngest son pee all over his favorite rug. Shitty. Not on the baby’s part but mine. I know better, he is my third and I also know shit happens always…or in this case pee happens.

Shittiest Move of the Week


Happy Friday. Thank god right??!!! This week seemed brutal. Just long, hot and hard (and I am not talking about in a sexy penis type of way.)

My exhaustion has kinda kicked my ass this week. Most of the time I can handle it. We have long days and even longer nights. Someone always wakes me up….like every night. We work our tails off day in and day out and honestly, I do love it (as much as I bitch!) But this week it caught up to me. It happens. Every once in a while I just need extra sleep and will stare at the clock waiting for a semi reasonable time to sneak away. On top of that, we have been extra stressed. A few reasons, all over the board, but there has been some tension. Not between my husband and I,  just tenseness in our life. We try not to complain, but 3 kids, no help, one income, college tuition, dogs, chores….just shit. It can add up and we both get maxed out. This happened. This week.

Well last night Matt wanted some down time. Spent the day exhausting this kids. Cooked a big dinner to fill their bellies. On the way home from work he grabbed some beer. We just wanted to sit and chill and catch up and “reconnect” as lame as that sounds.

It started great, but instead of eating my big dinner, I cleaned, did some school shit and totally just went for the beer. NOT A GOOD IDEA. We got all three kids to bed early and Matt was hoping for a few hours of adult time. BUT what actually happened was I told him I was running to the bathroom and instead went straight to bed. Yep…the whole day of making this happen for us and after 30 minutes I bailed. I just took off my bra and pants and slipped underneath the covers, leaving him on the patio alone to figure out what happened. I heard him come up, calling my name, but in my semi tipsy, sleepy haze, I just rolled over and ignorned him. Being the sweet husband that he is, he left me alone. Didn’t pester, just let me sleep. He did make fun of me in the morning of course. And he did drink all of the beer……

Needless to say, my shittiest move is not drinking that extra cup of coffee and perking up for my husband. He just wanted to chat and I just wanted to sleep. I mean I am still depriving him of sex, I shouldn’t deprive him of conversation too, right? He gets it, but I also get as imporatnt as sleep is, QT with my main squeeze should be my priority. Hopefully I can make it up to him, or maybe just send him to bed bed early one night.

Shittiest Move of the Week


Welp, it is Friday again. Time for me to spill my guts about the crappy things I did this week to make my readers feel a bit better about their crappy shit. I feel like the next few weeks I should be able to say my shittiest move is withholding sex from my husband… I mean that is the shittiest. But it has only been a week and the one time we found ourselves getting excited around each other, I found other ways to make him happy… I asked him questions about Star Wars… get your minds outta the gutter ya freaks.

Anyway, this weeks shittiest move is about my kids and my potty mouth. I swear, a lot. I have toned it down since having kids, but I still do it. They know what are adult words and what are kids words. It is a parenting move Matt and I discussed and agreed on. Look, we aren’t the Osborne’s over here, but I curse. I just do. I know some (well  most) parents probably think I am a horrible mom for letting out a ‘shit,’ ‘damn’ or whatever I say in front of my kids, but I do not think saying these certain words and explaining that they are adult words define me as a mom. I never say these words TO them (except for under my breath as I walk away. We all know we have called a toddler a fucker as they went the other direction… we all have!)

So #1 and #2 were in their play room as they do daily. They get along so well and are constantly feeding off of each others imagination. Well, Spiderman and Ariel were in class as Thor taught. I guess Spidey was getting a little unruly because as I am unloading the dishwasher I hear #1 say… “Spiderman, you are being such an asshole.” Oops. I went into the room and asked her what she said. Of course she got embarrassed and I could tell she knew she said an adult word. I asked her why she said it and she says…”Mommy, he wasn’t listening, he was beating up Ariel and not paying attention to the teacher. It was the only word I could think of.” Well girl, you are right. That sounds like a major asshole. Of course I did not say that. I just explained that there are other ways to express her thoughts without using certain words. That when she is older she can use any word she wants, but not now.

So my shittiest move is that not only did my child use a swear word, she used it perfectly. She knows exactly what an asshole is at the age of 4. Smart cookie…
shitty mom.

Shittiest Move of the Week

_20160610_090246So every once in awhile I like to know I am not the only Shitty Housewife out there. And today is one of those days.  Sure, this week I have had some moments. A terrible hangover on Sunday that made me sneak off to bed at 7:30. Another week of an messy house. That moment when my daughter told my son he was being an asshole……oops. So yeah, it’s been a normal week in our house. But today, I want to hear about you and your shittiest moment. Lay them on me. Make me laugh, cringe. smile and feel a little less shitty! Tag yourself, tell me your shittiest move and then tag a friend to do the same. I will repost the SHITTIEST move later on tonight and you will be crowned the Shittiest of the Shitties!!!!