Category: O’Shit Tuesday

VP of Happiness

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525848907Once someone asked me what my dream job was, and besides being a Justin Timberlake backup dancer….I remember clearly stating, that my dream job was to be the VP of Happiness.

Wow.

This feels weird.

It’s been quite some time since I have been here. Days, months, hell, probably a year??

If you are reading this you are probably one of two humans. Which is fine (and thank you, you two!) I am not sure if I would even read my own shit these days. I AM RUSTY! But I am hoping to find my fingers back on my keyboard for things other than work and scrolling.

No need to discuss where I have been. It really isn’t that exciting. A busy wife, mom of 3, figuring out my way through a pretty intense corporate job (first time in 40 years in corporate….that shit is NO JOKE.) Oh yeah, I am 40 now….slipped that in (but that discussion is for another post.) So yeah, it has been a pretty hectic year or so. An awesome one filled with loads of ups and downs. But some things MUST get pushed to the side to make sure this life, their lives, his life, my pets life, all can stay on track. And I am totally okay with it………kind of.

The past couple months have been a bit rough for the old Shitty Housewife. And I am about to open a can of worms for the two of you reading, that only the hubs knows about.

In all of the hustle and bustle, and goods and bads and rights and wrongs, and relationships, family, friends, kids, social events, outings, work, school, ALL THE SHIT….I tapped out. I became so focused on just going and making things happen, that I lost sight of the most important thing and the one common denominator (did I just reference math?!) to all of this. ME. I lost me….and within losing myself to this life, I lost a great deal of happiness. I suddenly began walking around sad. I woke up and just moved about with a heavy weight of sadness on my shoulders. I found myself getting irritated at the simplest of things and having the patience of, welp, of nothing…..like no patience left. Things that have made me happy for years and years and years just weren’t doing it anymore. And to top it off, the sadness and loss of interest, I became anxious…..like ALL OF THE TIME RIDDEN WITH ANXIETY.

I have been hiding it well. But I know as a HUGE supporter of mental health (for everyone on the planet except myself apparently) I know that there is NO reason to hide it. But I have always just been the happy one. The one that cheers people up. The one to tell funny stories and make people smile. So I just hid it, because it seemed easier…..and then it bottled up and I lost it….I let it go…..all the tears and Matt’s shoulder heard me finally admit. I AM NOT HAPPY.

But here is the thing. I am happy in SO MANY ways. My kids….fuck, THEY ARE THE BEST. They are so cool and amazing and smart and bring me constant joy. My husband is fantastic. He is fun and funny and sweet and spoils me. My family is insanely supportive. My friends make my heart feel so good. Work, well it’s work. But it is a great paycheck and it does have its perks (THE SNACKS!)  What I realized and was hard for me to swallow is that I am not happy with myself. And I don’t know why.

I’m a pusher. I push myself every day to make shit happen. And I most of the time do make it happen. But I think I have been pushing so hard for so long I lost myself along the way. I allowed all of these amazing people around me be my focus for pushing that I stopped pushing for myself. And even though I was doing all the workouts and taking all the supplements and drinking all the water and eating all the superfoods….I wasn’t really benefiting my head.

My head is in a weird spot. And as Matt told me how proud he was that I recognized what was happening and to speak it out loud, I too felt proud of myself. But I also felt the urge to find out why it got weird and what can I do to get it back to the normal weird…..you know because I still will always be weird as in odd and I LOVE that.

So I have embarked on a journey to happiness. I am committed to it. I want to push for me again. I want to do things that make me happy and thrive so all of these humans around me can see it, feed off of it and thrive as well. I want to take steps to figure out where I went off track and why I stopped caring about me. I stopped writing. And I LOVE writing, so cheers to one small step.

So here I am….an open book….or an open chromebook….hahahahahahaha. I am excited to be here. I am THANKFUL to be here and I am ready to take on my dream job. I know that our body and minds are a constant work in progress and my mind needs some work. Some love, some hugs, some work. But I know I can do it. Hell if anyone can be the VP of Happiness, it def is me.

xoxo

Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

 

 

38 Things Your Realize By The TimeYou Turn 38….My Annual Birthday List

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  1. Life is so fast
  2. Life is so long
  3. You will never wake up and feel completely accomplished (set goals people)
  4. Your body truly does get worn down as you age
  5. Being tired is never an excuse anymore (because you are always freaking tired)
  6. Having different opinions from people you love is a GOOD thing
  7. Politics are very important
  8. High School seems like 5 years ago
  9. You don’t need to shave your legs all that much
  10. Sex is sexier
  11. Hangovers last 4 days
  12. 90210 will always be better than any show to ever come out in your lifetime
  13. Boy Bands will always make you dance
  14. Sex is so much more quality than quantity
  15. Kissing will always make you giddy
  16. Wrinkles happen…..just accept it (especially for those of us who can’t afford $500 wrinkle cream or plastic surgery) AGING HAPPENS, IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS
  17. Feeling embarassed so silly
  18. The idea of “When I am that age….” goes out the fucking window. Shit will happen when it is suppose to happen
  19. You will never have enough money
  20. You will never use long division
  21. Being a student at this age BLOWS
  22. You now know who your one and only true friends are (and they are the fucking shit)
  23. Cheese Dip will be the best tasting thing always and forever
  24. Losing weight gets harder and harder and harder every damn year
  25. Your sexual history is nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of your past, think of all the awesome stories you have!
  26. Justin Timberlake will always be the sexiest man….ever
  27. You stop thinking, ‘What’s going to happen next?’ and start thinking “What is happening right now?’
  28. It is officially confirmed at this age that laughter is the best medicine
  29. Dancing is the best feeling (besides an orgasm)
  30. There is so much uncalled for hate in the world that you can’t fix
  31. Animals are so much smarter than us humans
  32. Going to bed is more exciting than going out
  33. All that talk about eating right, drinking water and working out was right….you should do all those things much more
  34. Having your coffee programmed to brew before you wake up is vital for a successful morning
  35. You will never believe you are actually as old as you are
  36. Hands jobs are the greatest
  37. Mascara can not be black enough
  38. Life is a hell of a good time, so enjoy it at all ages and make the most memories you can.

Well, Happy Birthday to me. I can not believe I am 38. It sounds insane coming out of my mouth. And as scared as I am to turn this age, I will welcome it (I mean, I have no other options.) I am lucky to have had 38 years to make the most of this amazing life journey….fingers crossed I get 38 more! Cheers!

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

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14 Times I Fell in Love With My Husband

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So if you remember from last year…I am not a Valentine’s Day kinda gal. The day bugs me for some reason. It feels weird, forced and like it makes an entire group of people who are not normally sad about being single, sad. And I hate anything that bums people out. But this year, instead of trashing the holiday in the good ol’ Shitty Housewife fashion, I have decided to open up about my main squeeze….my husband. I have fallen in love with him several times throughout our 6 years. You know what I am talking about, after you have been with someone for awhile, but they do something that makes you all gushy inside. So here are 14 times (because today is the 14th…duhhhh) I have fallen in love with Matt O!

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER….

  1. When I told him I was pregnant for the first time and he immediately vomited. (It was quite endearing for some reason, and I had just finished puking myself, so it was very compassionate!)
  2. When he laid with Dita and I in our bed as she passed away.
  3. When he agreed that getting married on Halloween night was the best idea ever in the entire world. (It is hard to find people that would be that into the weirdness of tying the knot on a spooky day!)
  4. When he built me a desk in the basement so I could get away from the kids to study (and hang out with my cat!)
  5. When he told me he loved me for the first time standing in a middle of a festival in our beloved city of Atlanta watching Arrested Deveopment perform (I mean, come on….that is like a dream, right??!!)
  6. When I told him I wanted to expand my garden but was too busy to actually do it, I came home from work with the entire expansion dug up and bordered. (Gardening has become an incredible outlet for me and the only way I know how to unwind. He knew I wanted a bigger one and how important it was, so him acknowledging it and making it happen was just freaking awesome.)
  7. EVERY TIME HE PAINTS OUR DAUGHTER’S NAILS….every fucking time.
  8. When I gave birth to our third and had to take finals 5 hours after labor, well let’s just say there has never, ever in the history of pep talks been one better…EVER. Plus he mommed up and did some shit with Cam that was the freaking sweetest newborn/daddy shit I had ever seen.
  9. At our wedding (like a million times) but especially at the end of the night, when the party was ending, he grabbed me and whispered in my ear that “no other man has been luckier than me.”
  10. The very first night he introdcued me to the amazing comfort of flannel pajamas.
  11. When we were sitting in the food court at the mall, mildy hungover with a 1 year old and 2 month old, eating bourben chicken and he proposed to me.
  12. After he proposed ringless..he explained he wanted us to plan this ring together. It was important to him for us to do it as a family, because we had done all the other really important stuff as a family. (SWOON)
  13. When I was in the 16th hour of all natural, excruciating labor, begging for drugs (which I vowed I would not do) he looked at me, crying and said “you are the strongest human I know, you are so close and I know you can do it.” If you ever have had natural labor you know how important hearing those kinds of words are. (Later, I heard him telling his brother and friends what a badass I was!!)
  14. Every single time he pours me a beer (and follows up with an orgasm)

So there it is. I could go on and on, but you guys don’t want to hear all this lovey dovey shit I am sure.  His love has changed my life in so many incredible ways. I am really am lucky that our worlds collided and we are able to share this journey. Today I will celebrate our love and maybe even give him an extra HJ!

Happy Valentine’s Day

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

#THESHITTYHOUSEWIFE 2017…..SIKE! I STILL LOVE YOU ATLANTA

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Last year my husband strongly encouraged me to run for city council of my district (DISTRICT 5 BABY) this upcoming 2017 election year. At the time our presidential election was in full swing and I felt very inspired to pursue this idea. I made some phone calls, exchanged some great emails, spoke with potential campaign managers… I mean you guys, I was serious. I even thought of an incredible tag line and had my 3 main focuses as a council member mapped out. I adore this city of mine and I assumed, if given the chance to represent it, I must.

Election night struck and I was even more motivated. I wanted in on this change that I know is going to happen. I wanted to be a part of this revolution. I became even more excited for this next journey of running. I attended a few meetings, I listened in on some conference calls… I was fired up.

Welcome to January. The month of new beginnings, right? The month I was going to begin campaigning and running. This was it. But something happened. School started, exhaustion set in, reality struck. That something that happened was LIFE.

When I say I am currently at the busiest stage of my life, I am not lying. I have a 4,3 and 2 year old. I work full time. I have a blog. I have 3 dogs. I have a husband. I have chores and lastly, I am a full time student. I am taking a large load this semester, in fact I refuse to tell you all how many classes I am taking because you will think I am the craziest human on the planet. To say my plate is full is laughable. I currently have 2 full plates, with a dessert and leftover plate sitting next to those 2 full plates, talking some serious shit.

In January, when Trump began, all of these incredible meetings and meet ups and conversation nights began around my city. And you know what sucks? This political activist, this women who wants to run for city council, this girl who is devoted to bettering Atlanta can not even make ONE. Because if I do make a meeting, I am falling behind on an assignment. I am falling behind at work. I am falling behind at home. I am falling behind as a wife. Most importantly, I am falling behind as a mom. And none of these things can happen. As much as I want this journey, my life is not where it needs to be to run.

I love Atlanta. This city means so very much to me. This place where so much of ME was created. I met and fell in love with my husband at all the hotspots on the East Side. I had all three of my kids at Atlanta Medical Center. I had a beautiful hairstyling career in Vinings for 10 years. I started (and ended) my own business in Buckhead. I made out with every boy who has ever lived in Brookhaven.  I got married in Cabbagetown but spent the entire day with all of my best friends (who I met here) in Midtown. I tailgated for the first time ever years ago with the Falcons. I was hit with a foul ball at Turner Field. I vomited in the Target in Tucker. I lost my virginity in Athens. I am raising the cutest family with my person in Edgewood. I mean where else can you live where older strippers are celebrated? Where festival season is a way of life? Where the entire town shuts down when it is cold? Where traffic is so bad, you literally DO NOT even notice it? Atlanta is my city. I found myself in every nook and cranny of the ATL and this city helped mold me into the women I am today. And as much as I am dying to represent this city, I have too much happening to give it all of that it deserves. Atlanta is simply the most amazing city ever and the only way I could ever thank her is by making sure she gets the best… and right now, the best ain’t me.

I mean, we all know, I am the shit, but taking on the incredible honor of on any seat here in Atlanta takes someone who can put in as much as Atlanta gives back. The people here are devoted, the culture is divine and the history is unprecedented. There are no words for how lucky I am to call this place my home. I feel like right now, if I did run and did win I would not be able to give it my all. And Atlanta  is worthy of ALL of our all.

So this year, my name will not be on any ticket. It’ll be on a million other things like homework assignments, PTA chairs, work emails, applications for jobs, and so much more. But it won’t be in any voting polls. And that’s ok. Because if I do every get the opportunity to give a thank you back to the city that has helped me become me, I want my name to be loud and clear. I want my name to be proud. I want my name to be as enthusiastic for Atlanta as it has ALWAYS been for me.

The New ‘Walk of Shame’ as a Mom

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So it is time I discuss something that has been on my mind for quite some time. A change that has set in a couple years ago and has become so prevalent in so much of my thinking lately. Something I kinda don’t want to admit, but feel like if I do, maybe someone, somewhere will reach and say… girl, I feel ya.

Here I go….I will just come out and say it.

I am no longer the hot girl in the room.

Ugh. There it is.

And side note, I was never THE actual hot girl in the room, but I was A hot girl in the room who had the confidence of Rocky Balboa and Ferris Bueller combined, making me feel like THE hottest girl in the room.

It is a weird place to be. Especially out in settings where men would approach me, bars, gyms, social settings. I used to get hit on. A decent amount. Like whenever I would go to a bar, club, party… men would come my way. I have always been cute. I have always had a killer little body and more than either one of those, I always have had a shitload of confidence, which once combined… all of those things make you very approachable.

It was very normal for me to end an evening with a few phone numbers and a few turn downs. But man, times have changed.

Now, I am stunned if I notice a man looking at me. I started to wonder… do I really look THAT different? Yeah, my body has changed. Boobs are smaller, not as tight and perky all over as I used to be… but I am still in shape. My face has more wrinkles, my eyes have much bigger bags… but I still have the same look. But what have I lost in the past few years of going from a single girl who did her own thing and only had to worry about herself and 2 pugs to a married women with 3 toddlers, a job and a shitload of responsibility? I lost me. My identity. And in doing that, my confidence is shot.

It sucks. I remember on date number 3 with Matt (how I remember who knows since I can’t even remember to take my slippers off and put on real shoes some days) I remember sitting on top of him and making out. He pulled away and in his oh so sexy New England accent said “You’re really hot.” Not so bashfully, I said something cute like “I know.” Then he explained, that yeah, I was physically “wicked hot” (hehehehehe) but that he was more attracted to my confidence. That he hadn’t met a girl who was “so proud to be herself.”

I tear up thinking about this moment because A) how sweet he recognized and appreciated it B) it seems like a lifetime ago and C) WHERE DID THAT GIRL GO??!!!

When we become adults, mainly caregivers, and especially women, we let ourselves go. And I am not just talking about appearance. We let our minds and our souls and our needs and our wants and our selves go to this thing we are taking care of. They come first. They are more important. They become who we are.

It happened so fast for me. As most readers know, I became pregnant… extremely unplanned, less than 3 months after meeting Matt. The girl who he began dating who loved herself more than she could love any man got knocked up and every single thing changed. FOR ME.

My sexy little body was no longer my own. It now belonged to this baby in my belly. And even after my daughter arrived, it still belonged to her. My boobs fed her. My arms held her. My heart soothed her. My everything was hers. Where was I? Somewhere inside trying to figure my way back.

2 more pregnancies later, here I am. A wife who has created 3 kids. And now that my youngest is no longer a baby, I am here in a state of confusion about myself. My world drastically changed and now, since we are done in the baby department, I am trying to find my way back to me. But how do you do it? How do you get your confidence back? How to you tap into your old self when your new self is so different?

My looks feel different. Some days I stare at myself in the mirror and think, who the fuck? I see me, but I don’t. When I am out I see younger girls, with their cute outfits, stacked with boobs and ass and I think ‘that used to be me.’ I watch men look at them and not me. I see my husband glance their way, then of course back to me to chat, but I think, ugh… he signed up for that and then bam, got this.

Maybe it is a constant battle for all women. Adjusting to getting older. Adjusting to life changes. But man, although I would not change one ounce of my life, I would still love to have that feeling again. To be THE hot girl in the room. Even if I never actually was, I would love to feel that confidence again.

Letting go is probably a huge part of this process. Letting go of the idea that I am no longer that age, that shape, that unwrinkled. And trying to learn how to embrace and love my new self. Enjoy my insanely small breasts. Love my crows feet. Laugh at my incredibly low stamina. I mean, it’s life and it is what happens.

Growing through adulthood is tough. And being a women through it is even tougher. And although we are the stronger sex, we have a harder fight. And maybe if I keep reminding myself that I have had a tough one and I have survived my fight and came out with an awesome family, a sexy husband, a slight (and temporary) blow to my confidence, that is ok. And hey even though I my never be that hot girl in the room anymore, I can confidently say I once was and damn it was fun.

New Year Old Me

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It is the beginning of January. The time of year when everyone is feeling like setting new goals, new budgets, new workouts, new attitudes. It is a time to renew yourself and your life and have a huge sense of change in your daily living. We set new goals for ourselves to be more adult, more responsible, resolving to make our our lives more fufilled.

You know what I am saying this year…..FUCK THAT. I am saying new year, old me. And this year I am keeping my resolution!

I have tried the whole “New Me” thing several times. Eating better, starting a new excersie program, drinking more water, saving more money, being more patient. I have done it all. But as I began thinking about what I wanted to improve this year, it dawned on me. Remember when I used to be young and much more fun? The old me would resolve to make more friends. The old me would resolve to dance more. The old me would resolve to pet more animals and play more jump rope. The old, younger, innocent, child Jan would see the new year as a time to take something I love and do more of it. Living life to the fullest and making myself happy in any way I know how. The kid Jan would never to vow to do more of something I never really enjoyed. What kinda life goal is that???

So this year, I am reaching out to the child that has been pushed away by this life of adulting and asking her, what do you love and what should adult Jan do more of? I took days to reflect on this and I was so suprised and excited about what came to fruition.

I want to celebrate birthdays better. Remember when your friends birthdays were just as exciting as yours??? It is time to get that feeling back. I want to play more. Not just get so wrapped up in the daily grind of work, school, parenting….I want to play kickball and jump rope. Not just watch my kids play, I want to do it. I want to do more fun things with my hair, nails and clothes, like 20ish year old Jan used too. Now, I only doing things for my kids, I have completely lost myself and all of my accessory funkyness. I want to flirt more (with my husband) I want to laugh more, I want to thank people more, but mostly, I want to live life more.

I am so sick and tired of setting expectations that are not feeding my mind and my happiness. Yes, I need to eat better, work out more, save money, and be more patient. But these things should not be something I resolve to do in January. They should just happen as life happens. But you should resolve to better YOU by recreating old things that make you happy.

So cheers to January and making life more fun. Now if you’ll exuse me I need to go play Barbie and Spiderman with my kids…..I asked them to save Cabbage Patch baby for me!

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Love…3 Times Around.

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Recently there was an article swarming around social media about how most people have 3 great loves of their loves. It was a beautiful piece and shared many times over. I read it. Twice actually. It really resonated with me. I could actually relate to the words I was reading so very much. I got to thinking about my past relationships and the impact they have had on me and growing into my final relationship with Matt.

I have kissed many frogs. In fact I spent a good majority of my 20’s making out with the entire city of Atlanta. I loved dating. I really did. Yeah, I had some shitty experiences but they all brought me to the place I needed to be when I went on that first date with Matt. He was not my first love. In fact he wasn’t my second love. And besides those 2 and him, I have told 2 other men I loved them ( because I thought I did.) And in between those 5 “I Love You’s” I had many short and long term interactions with men I really liked and enjoyed. Some I may have eventually fallen in love with if I took the time. Some may have fallen in love with me. But the time was ended because in my head, we both got what we needed from each other and it was time to take that and stop.

I fell in love for the first time when I was 19. We dated for 5 years. We lived with each other and supported each other. For a long time, I did think he was going to be my first and only boyfriend. He was the person I slept with. The first guy I opened up too. The first male I had ever trusted (I am a fatherless daughter, so this was HUGE.) But after many years of being together, we grew up. We wanted to experience more. We were best friends….and that was it. Which is great when a relationship turns into that when you are 85…not so much 24. We separated but to this day are friends. In fact Matt and him love each other and I consider his wife one of my good friends. We even asked them to be in our wedding (but her being super knocked up made travel hard!) Anyway, what I learned from that relationship was just how important a friendship while in love is. Having your person also be your buddy. Because when all the perky boobs and nice abs are gone and the sex is no longer, and your kids have kids,  and it is just you and them, you must simply like your partner. And he taught me this.

The second time I was in true love was many years later. The craziest thing about this guy is that I actually never officially dated him. I never actually said the words, ‘I love you’ to him. But I did. So much. This man effected me in a way I had not thought possible. From the moment he first spoke to me, my entire heart felt different. I don’t even know how to speak of my relationship with him now without rambling on and on.. because it  was a very odd situation. He lived across the country. We spoke in and out. We made it a point to see each other, but never in the capacity that 2 people in love should. He told me in so many ways that he loved me, but never in the way I actually needed. It was a very tough scenario and I can honestly say he is the only person who ever broke my heart. I cried more tears over him then I have ever over a man. Between him and my first love, I had two pretty serious relationships . But after the experience with this guy, I realized that I was not in love or loved like I deserved to be. And this man showed me that. Even though he did not say it, he showed me what I deserved. And more than that he showed me how someone should feel about a partner. He showed me how I should be in love. Although it was confusing and excruciating it was incredible. And I am so happy to have had that experience to learn from.

Which brings me to love….3 times around. My Matt O. The ultimate love of my life. Matt embodies everything good, positive and lovable about all the men I have chosen to date in my life. I have taken  all of my experiences and learned from them. Things  I like and things I hate. Traits I find tolerable and traits that are deal breakers. He is all the good in each one of my relationships. He is my buddy from love #1, he is an excellent kisser like that guy I met in Vegas. He is makes me laugh like that one random blind date I had. He loves foreplay like this awesome dude I hung out with for awhile. He is gorgeous like this hot neighbor I used to sleep with. He loves me like love #2 does, but he tells me in every way imaginable and more importantly then that, he lets me love him, the exact way I know how.

So make sure as you date and as these experiences end….even though a break up can suck, it can also be amazing. That person just made you a little more open to the path where your 3rd love is. And trust me, that shit is worth the wait.

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Perfect is better with Imperfections

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So being a wife means dealing with another human being forever. And not in a “you are my kid, so I HAVE to deal.” But a “you are my husband, so I CHOSE to deal.” No one forces you to get married. Sadly, sometimes ultimatums are givens and people say they felt forced, but they are stupid and should have stood up for themselves. No one FORCES marriage on you. And if they start to…leave them now. You will be unhappy and end up divorced. Anyway, when Matt and I decided to take our relationship to the legally committed stage, I committed to him fully. For all of the great and all of the not so great. And in every relationship there are a lot of both. Let’s face it. No one is perfect, except for Justin Timberlake. So when we get married, we marry someone’s perfections and imperfections.

I think Matt is perfect……for me. Although his imperfections make him even better. Sure there are plenty of things he does that make me crazy. When he gets out of the shower, without fail, it looks like he had a fight with the water. And the water wins, every time. He always says he isn’t fussy about what he wants to eat, but like, he is the fussiest. When he deep cleans the house, he throws man tantrums. And I know I have my things that make him nuts. I am a mess. Like I don’t know how to deep clean. I let the kids eat in the car, no matter how many times he says they shouldn’t. I forget….EVERYTHING. But even though he hates those things, he still loves me.

Matt will tell anyone exactly how he feels, no filter ever, and not feel the least bit bad about it. People think he can be brass or rude, but to him, he is honest and real and I LOVE that about him. People think I take on too much and try to accomplish to many things and get worried about me. He LOVES that I am that way. We loves those qualities about ourselves and did not want to change them to be in a perfect relationship, so we accepted them and now adore these things.

No one will change. Whatever imperfections bug you now about someone will only bug you worse as the years pass. Your tolerance for that THING won’t get better. Matt’s shower/water fiasco that happens on a daily basis will just piss me off more and more as we age. But I know that. Before we married I accepted all the imperfections of this man and devoted myself to dealing with them in the most pleasant way possible (an eye roll, maybe a middle finger behind his back….)

No marriage is perfect. But you don’t stop because of imperfections. The perfect marriage is two people who are imperfect and refuse to give up on each other. Matt and I have the most perfect marriage for us. It is full of love, laughter, loyalty and an endless amount of imperfections.

Dream Jobs

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As I enter what seems like my 39th semester of college (it’s my 5th, but feels so much longer) I am questioning my degree. I know, it is totally normal to do, but I am doing it a lot. Like, obsessively. And I know I could change majors, but the idea of extended this school thing any longer makes me want to puke. I have 3 kids, a husband, this blog and am now working 32 hours a week. Add 3-4 classes a semester to that list and it gets beyond overwhelming. I mean, I failed a class last semester and I was only working like 15 hours. So thinking of continuing this routine to change degrees, well that shit ain’t gonna happen.

 

But again, I know questioning majors is normal. But it got me thinking, if I was 15 years younger, billions of dollars richer and free from responsibility, what kind of education would I pursue? What is my actual ‘dream job?’ So I have thought long and hard about my dream jobs. I have a few. Sadly, none of them really parallel with my major. But it is a fun list and I thought I would share. Hoping you guys share your dream gig with me!

 

  1. This Blog! I would love if I could dedicate all of my time, energy, and passion right here. Behind the computer experiencing, learning and growing with my readers. Trying new things to teach you and most importantly, making you smile. It is my favorite thing to do….seeing someone laugh or smile because of something I did or say is the best. I freaking love The Shitty Housewife and my readers. Dream job for sure.

 

2. A Political Science Teacher! I know that sounds odd, but it has been something I have             wanted to do forever. I remember my 8th grade poli sci teacher and I adored him.                  His class was so eye opening and interesting. And as an adult, I love politics. Well,                  love hate. I try to keep my views away from this blog but I love a political discussion.            I think knowing about politics is SO important and kids need exposure to it. SO they              get involved, they vote, they make changes. Having a classroom dedicated to it would            be a dream come true.

 

  1. Owned a Venue! I would love a badass venue where I could bring in great music, acts, and host events. Mainly not for profit events where fundraising was the main focus. And not just for one non profit. For any that are changing the world and saving lives.

 

  1. Halloween Costume Designer! Like totally dream job. I mean Halloween is my most favorite day ever. I mean, I got married on Halloween I love it so much. I love creating off the wall costumes, so being able to do it and have the skill for it as a career would be AMAZING!

 

  1. Justin Timberlake Backup Dancer! Come one. Fuck yes. Best job ever……

So there they are. My dream jobs. Now it is your turn! Let me know what you fantasize about…besides grinding on Justin’s ass. 

She Starts School

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My daughter, my first born, my first baby starts school tomorrow. 5 days a week. All day. She will no longer be at home full time with me. Swallowing this information has been exceptionally harder than I could have ever imagined.

I have spent over 4 years side by side with Viviane. And prior to that, 9 months growing her inside my body. Yes, I have worked, gone out of town, been away from her. But this feels different. My day in day out buddy will be spending her days elsewhere. A place that will not be my side.

How do I do it? How do I walk her into a classroom full of kids and adults I barely know and leave her? How do I trust them? How do I trust the work I have done with her? How do I know I have done all I should have done to mold her into a kid ready for school? How do I do this??

I have been asking myself these questions and a million more since I signed her up months ago. The truth is, she IS ready. She needs this. She will love it and thrive. Her imagination will get to be nurtured all day in an environment dedicated to it. And yes, we are dedicated to her growth here at home, but we also have her brothers, work, school, chores, blogs and a million other things going on. Full time school for Viv will be perfect. She will adore it……I, well, I am a little worried about myself.

I have so many fears as a parent. I have been exposed to so many horror stories just watching the news. I know what is out there. Heartbreak. Sadness. Cruelty. But she does not. She is so innocent and unaware of the realities of this world. She lives in a world filled with acceptance, love, kindness and happiness. And I am so afraid to see that go away. I am so afraid to see her get hurt and see that innocence chip away. I want her to remain completely unaware of how cruel this world can be. I want to hold that burden for her as long as humanly possible. And watching her walk through the doors at a new school where I am not going to be makes me so scared that the burden will begin to slowly affect her.

Parenting is such a crazy roller coaster. You want to set them free and have experience, yet we want to be there and protect. We want our time to finish our shit but we never want them to not be around. We birth these babies, fight like dogs to get them eating and sleeping and destroy our bodies making sure they are okay, then we send them away to someone else to teach them……well everything. I know they are always learning from home and learning from us and family, it just all seems so odd. I know it only seems odd because I am in the thick of it. I am experiencing the very first ever “letting go” moment of my parenting career. Matt and I crafted a life where daycare was not needed. And here we are. Sending our sweet baby off. It hurts. A good hurt, but it still hurts.

So to all of you that have done this before please tell me it gets easier. Everyday, every child, every letting go situation. For now I will lie to myself and say it will. It is the only thing that will get me through tomorrow. I will be brave, strong and proud for her. Because I know I did do all that I could and that she is brave, strong and proud for herself.