Who You Callin’ Shitty?

So am I a shitty housewife? Yeah, I am. Not intentionally, but if you compared me to another housewife I would be the shittier of the two.

Look, I love being a wife, I love having a home “to keep” and I adore taking care of my kids. But no one is ever going to give me a ‘housewife of the year’ award. Truth is, I am 100% okay with that. I am really good at making my kids laugh. I am even better at putting a huge smile on my husband’s face at any moment during the day. And I am the best at drinking a lot of Miller Highlife while maintaining a flat belly.

We all cannot be good at everything. And in this day and age of Facebook and Instagram, man it is easy to look like you are. But I am here to create a space where perfection is the PITS! In fact perfect is not welcome. I want a place where I can be myself. My true, real, semi-shitty, and totally awesome self. A place where a selfie showing my deflated, teeny, tiny breasts is welcomed because they nursed three humans. A place where I can talk about how I try every day to make this household how it is “supposed” to be, but I am having a hard time trying to fit that mold. A place where that mold is just fucking lame. A place where being myself is the best and being someone I am not is the absolute worst. A place where YOU and I can admit who we are and be crazy proud of that person. My name is Jan-O.

Welcome to The Shitty Housewife.

Top 5 Things We Should Stop Mom-Shaming


I was having a rough weekend this weekend in the ol mom department. Lots of yelling, lots of low patience and lots of beating myself up. I know it happens to the best of us, but I started thinking about it and how it is time for us to STOP! Here are the 5 top things I tear my own mom ass up about and why I need to stop! Mom shaming ourselves or anyone else for these things is just unacceptable. We are all doing our best and need to approach momlife with a little more grace. 

  1.  TV Time- We have all joked about it, memed about, pretended the TV didn’t exist when friends are over. But the TV can be a lifesaver. We all know this, so why do we beat ourselves up about using it? Sometimes they need to chill out and be entertained while we do our thing. I don’t think it the worst thing in the world, as a parent, to throw on a show, let them zone out while you get your shit done. I’m not saying to the TV on all day and ignore your kids, but if you have a few hours where you need that, you do you. But I am saying use it to your advantage when you need it. And STOP beating yourself up for it!


  1. Organic Food- I am a firm believer in not mom shaming yourself for this. Of course nourishing them with everything they need for health and longevity is vital, but if they want a happy meal and you don’t feel like toting the whole gang through Kroger, do it. I know we compare what we are feeding our kids to everyone else, but we aren’t everyone else! You are you and who doesn’t love a dinner of doritos and ice cream every once in awhile. Iknow me and my kids do. So STOP beating yourself up for it!


  1. Yelling- I did not think I was going to be a yelling mom, but I am. But my kids are yelling kids! We are just an overall yelling family. The thing about us yelling, is that we do it, get our point across and then the shit is done. We move on.  No grudges, no anger, just getting shit done. Sometimes the only way to get through to a toddler is raising your voice and there is nothing wrong with it. I get sitting down and having a calm conversation with your kids and assisting them with understand the problem, but there are some times that yelling is the only answer. Getting out that mom rage can help for a better day in the long run. So STOP beating yourself up over it!


  1. Social Media Comparisons- We all do it. We scroll and see other moms with their shit together. Hair and make-up done. Their kids and themselves cute and stainless. Their bodies all post baby weight. Pinteresting, cooking, smiling. THEY HAVE BAD DAYS TOO! We have to remember that and not make them feel bad. They just happen to be great with filters (and lies!!!!) J/K. Some parents just nail things, and social media makes us all so aware of it. Don’t let that make you feel weird or less. EVER. SO STOP beating yourself up over it.


  1. Your body- Okay, I am going to take the lead on this one ladies. We must stop shaming our bodies for how they look after becoming a mom. Of course I work out and eat right, but I changed my mindset on it. I don’t do it to be skinny or have a six pack. I do it to be healthy and to gain energy. My body is a fucking temple that created life. My body allowed me to be a mom, so why do I get mad it at for not looking like it used too. This behavior must stop.Work out, eat right but more importantly, love yourself and your body for being so damn incredible. So STOP beating yourself up for it!


Again, this all starts with me. I will stop if you do. We must be proud that we get to love these kids and see them grow and change the world. We are perfect parents for our kids with all of our imperfections included. I’m going to let these go starting now! I am all they need and my decisions of a few shows or french fried is not going to ruin their lives! My life either!   


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O, the Cry Baby

I cried at work today.

This is something I am not proud of.

I am not saying crying is a bad thing, I just like to do it the privacy of my own home and when people don’t actually know it is happening.

My boss put me on the spot  (he could tell something was bothering me) and oh lord, I released and with that came the fucking water works.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. I am passionate about my work and I believe I am there, in corporate America fighting for the underdog. But lately, I feel like every aspect of my work day is filled with negativity and that is not fitting for my perky ass. So today, shit hit the fan inside my little head and I cried.

And I probably wasn’t even crying about work.

I was crying thinking about the incredibly large amount of laundry I had waiting for me at home.

I was crying because I knew it was my turn to cook dinner, and I am over cooking at the moment.

I was crying because I can’t afford Justin Timberlake tickets.

I was crying because I haven’t had a carb in days (fucking Keto.)

I was crying because I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since 2012.

I was crying because my boobs will never be as perky as they used to be.

I was crying because I will never know what happened to Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano once they got on that bus at the end of the one and only season of My So Called life.

I was crying because sometimes I just feel like the world is fucking intense and I need to shed some god damn tears.

It does not help that my boss is a man, who probably views crying as weak. But I am not letting that get to me too much. I have seen him with a man cold, so if you consider one of us weak…well, I birthed three children and never looked as “drained” as he did while blowing his stuffy nose. But it does always feel like a “better of the sexes” type thing when we cry. Although, if I did cry to a female boss, I may have been even more embarrassed. I mean a girlboss is tough shit, so hopefully I’d keep my shit together, right?!

But sometimes shit boils up. Sometimes, even shitty ol me gets emotional, overwhelmed and frustrated to the point of tears. Sometimes I just get so fed up that people just can’t be normal and decent and the aggravation gets to me. Sometimes wearing as many hats as I do, a mom/wife/employee/volunteer/writer/overall awesome human being gets to be too much and I need a break. But when you wear that many hats, breaks are so few and far between.

So when he pulled me aside and asked, “are you sure you are okay” I took that as an open invitation to have a mental “break” down.

I cried at work today. And now I feel like my boss will never look at me the same ( like I’m the crazy bitch who cried.) Or maybe it’s that I won’t view myself with as much respect as his peer as I did pre cry. Who knows. All I know is that it happened and in life, take backs are few and far between.

I guess the next step is owning it (and possibly ignoring it) and enter the office tomorrow with my head held high and my tissues stashed in my drawer.

xoxo Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



No More Babies

12801415_10207860571244841_3200420523472726171_n     My  baby turns 3 tomorrow.

It is insane.

He is bigger than my 4 year old and he has the personality of his 37 year old dad. And although he seems SO much older, he is still a baby. My baby. Right?!

So why does him turning 3 depress me?

Baby life is officially over for me. He is ready for pre school. He is in his big boy bed, with his big boy potty and uncovered cups. He is no longer a baby in anyway and when you know you are never going to have another baby, letting go of the last is very hard.

Look, I know I complain about my kids and say how disgusting and exhausting they are (ESPECIALLY CAMERON.) But they are the most incredible and inspiring thing that has and will ever happen to me. These teeny tiny humans that grew inside of my body are magical. And now, the littlest, the youngest, the baby, is no longer a baby. He is a threenager and I am no longer a baby mom. And won’t be ever again.

Even though I don’t want any more kids, it is a tough pill to swallow. I wonder if I am the only woman who feels this conflicted feeling? I’m sure I’m not, but I do know that it is a very odd feeling.

My body is done producing, but I still feel like I have more to give. I don’t want to ever be pregnant again, but I want that newborn snuggling feeling so bad. I never EVER want sleepless nights of breastfeeding, but I long for that special alone time with a tiny human Matt and I created.

Ugh, womanhood is so weird. I do know this. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have experienced this 3 times. I mean, how fucking incredible of a life I have to have created life three times. And now, even though he is no longer, none of them are, I get to watch them grow and develop. And if I am lucky enough to live a long life, I will get to snuggle with their babies ( a bajillion years from now.)

So tonight, I will spend the last night as a baby mom in a bittersweet vibe. Missing the past but excited for his future. Knowing that even though this baby is getting older by the minute, he will always be my baby. My last baby who has blessed me every minute of his three year old life.


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



ill-drink-one-beer-then-lm-coming-home-8-hours-3851347Why are you so cruel to me? I used to be able to drink a lot of you and feel fine. And now, after getting older, I have two of you and pretty much want to die the next day. What happened? Why has our relationship changed? Why do you do this to me? You tempt me with your smoothness. You satisfy my taste buds with your bubbly hops. You make me feel so good while we are together. Then the next day, once you are no longer around, you make me want to climb under the covers and hide form life. But as a mom, a career woman and just a human being in general, I do not have that option.

Beer, what has happened to us. Why are you so delicious and deceiving? Why do you try and kill me?



I am on vacation and nothing makes happier than relaxing with a cold beer (even if I’m in the coldest place ever.) I mean, even though I know I will wake up and feel kinda crappy, it is still so chill and so calming. I love beer. Like, I love it. I love the way it tastes. I love the way it chills me out. I just love it. I didn’t get the wine gene, at all. I think wine is gross, but beer, aw lovely beer. So this week, as I begin this vacation, and my patience runs thin with my kids and my husband, my saving grace will be there to get me through it.

So thank you cold brew. I do really love you. 27971794_1520096994692331_3050946401110477727_n

Happy LOVE Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The day of LOVE!!

And since my new love journey is upon us, well, then I better not be in my normal V Day state which is hate…yep. I said it. I generally hate Valentine’s Day.

But I am going to stop that shit right now and start loving the day of love.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, LOVE IS AMAZING! I mean what other emotion can do to us what love can. It makes us elated, infuriated, frisky, lifeless. It makes us SO high and SO low. When you are in love, whether it is new and fresh or old and routine, it wraps your whole being and surrounds you with warmth.

When I first met Matt, I was the giddiest human being to exist. The warmth of his love filled me with hope, dreams and spirit. 7 years later the warmth of his love still fills me but in different ways. Sometimes with irritation due to his lack of laundry doing and sometimes with peace because I found my person who comforts my every thought. But it is the love that flows between the two of us, that has shaped us, year after year.

Nothing else can hold a couple together then the base of true love. Shit can get bad. Shit can get real. Shit can hit the fan. But if that love is between you, you will survive. What an incredible feeling?! To know that a feeling can get you through some rough patches. To know that an emotion can make you look at someone and say forever. To know that desire you feel towards someone can bring on a deep feeling of forgiveness.

So today, of all days, remember how incredibly lucky we are to have the opportunity to love. Whether it is our partner, our kids, our family, our friends, our pets and most importantly OUR SELVES.

I love you all!


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



Why Are We Giving Zero Fucks?

fresh blooms

So as a society we are always going through these funny stages and busting out some funny sayings.

“Bye Felicia.”

“On Fleek.”

“Who Let The Dogs Out.”

Right now, all the rage is “Zero Fucks” and sadly, we aren’t talking about my favorite form of fucking… we are talking about not caring. At all. Literally, not giving a fuck about anything. “Zero Fucks Given.” Embodying all the ideas of not giving a shit and doing whatever the fuck you feel like doing.

I get it…kinda.

But come on people. We should give a fuck. I mean I know we are being funny and goofy. Like, bitch I don’t give a shit. You do you and me do me. But shouldn’t we want to do each other (see what I did there!)

I understand not caring about what others think about who you are as a person, because that is crazy! It is. I spent so years and tears trying to remember that worrying about what other people think of me is unimportant. Of course be kind. Of course be free. Of course help when you can. But don’t NOT be yourself because you think someone won’t like you. But please….give a fuck!

Give a fuck about other humans. Give a fuck about the environment. Give a fuck about this beautiful life you are living.

I know it is much easier to walk around not giving a fuck. You’re like, I see someone being an asshole, who cares. I see someone throwing trash on the ground, whatevs. I see someone treating another living being like garbage, shit someone else can handle that.

But really folks…THAT IS NOT COOL!

I mean it is the sure fire way to take the easy way out. yeah, it might feel nice at the time, blowing something off. But in the long run you are missing out on a chance to better you! And nothing is cooler than bettering yourself.

Love each other. Love the earth. LOVE YOURSELF. Give a fuck. Go on that trip and meet new people. Go apply for that job and make more money. Go start that business even if you are scared. Go help that person, because they need it. Give a fuck about your life and the lives around. Please. GO GIVE A FUCK. If we don’t, who will?!


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife


Why My Second Kid Has A Better Mom

Being a second kid can totally suck. You get hand-me-down toys, hand-me-down clothes, and you never really get Mom to yourself. You always have someone picking on you, annoyed by you even though you just wanted to play, someone bigger/stronger/faster than you.

But you know what is awesome about being the second kid? You get a much better mom. Before baby #1, I was terrified but knew I would be a great mom because I read every.single.article. I read every.single.forum. I was in every.single.mom group. Baby #1 got like three baby showers, a perfectly curated nursery, brand new clothes, every teether on the market. I wouldn’t feed non-organic, I wouldn’t put her down if she was crying, I wouldn’t let anyone babysit her. I wouldn’t take time for myself, I wouldn’t let her self soothe, and I wouldn’t let her just do her thing.

Baby #2 didn’t get any of that shit. And honestly, I think he’s better for it. He is still THE happiest baby on this earth and he doesn’t give a shit about any of it. Now this all may change when they get a bit older, since now they are just 3 and 10months, but for now I’m not stressing it. He doesn’t care he has purple sheets. He doesn’t care his toys are his sister’s hand-me-downs bought from Goodwill to begin with. He doesn’t care that I let him eat pepperoni and shredded cheese for lunch.

Baby #2 gets the “cool mom.” She isn’t worried about the tiniest bump on his arm because she knows it is just a mosquito bite, no reason to ask the mom group, go back outside and play. She isn’t helicopter-ing around him as he learns to crawl and walk, she’s just encouraging, knowing there will be a few tumbles. She isn’t staying at home locked away from the world because she wants no one to watch him, he gets to know everyone at the party as he gets passed around and loves it. She isn’t stressed and hating herself and beating herself up because of that one little mistake that Suzie from Facebook would NEVER allow but really doesn’t fucking matter. He ate an m&m, holy shit!

Baby #2 gets to experience more in life. He gets an older sister to inspire, teach, and torture him. He gets the already tired parents willing to let him “just be a kid.” He gets a ton more freedoms off the bat. And he still has parents who freaking love him. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? Teaching them love? For the world, for others, for themselves?

So if you have baby #2 on the way and you’re fucking terrified, shit even baby #1, just let them be. Don’t be so caught up in all the little things you have to do, focus on just being the best mom you can be. That doesn’t mean the laundry will always be done. That doesn’t mean your floors are spotless. That doesn’t mean everyone is always doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. Because after baby #2, none of those things are going to be happening. But you are going to notice all of the little things you didn’t really pay attention to with your first because you were too concerned with what you should be doing.





Kim Schaper

3 part me 2

Months ago someone I was following on Facebook posted a link to a 14 day workout challenge. My interest was peaked, since I had been in a serious workout rut. But I became even more intrigued when I followed the link and realized that the host was the beautiful, inspiring, charismatic, hysterical Kim Schaper. Kim and I were great friends back in high school. She was a much cooler gal than I ever was, but still kept my scrawny ass company and we had some incredible times together. Cul-de-sac parties, games of grab ass and of course PC spring breaks! We have some crazy stories and I had known from being friends with her on Facebook her journey lead her to be a personal trainer/life coach.

Back to the challenge. Like I said, I was in a major rut. I hated any and all workouts and no matter what I was doing, my body was not changing.  I was also dealing with some health issues at the time and was in a bad place physically and mentally. I saw the challenge and thought why not. Kim has always been awesome, so maybe this will jump start me. So I signed up.


The 14 days included workouts delivered directly to my email. Workouts I would have never put together on my own. Workouts I could do at home or at the gym. Workouts that were beyond challenging but doable. Attached to that was a closed Facebook group. Everyone who was in the challenge was invited and we were told to take “sweaty selfies” after each workout. We also spoke openly about why we were doing the challenge, what we thought was hard, tips on healthy eating and so much more.

As the challenge came to an end I was devastated. I could not believe how life changing the 14 days were and how much I enjoyed doing them. Kim then let us in on a very exciting secret. WE CAN HAVE THIS EVERYDAY!!! She has a program for women like YOU and ME with this exact mindset behind it. ShapeHer!!! ShapeHer is the most incredible thing that has happened to me in a long time. Once you sign up you are immediately linked to Kim’s portal page where you have so much information at your finger tips.  She posts the workouts and the schedule for each week and month. She sets you up for complete success. Along with that comes the most MAGICAL thing ever though. The ShapeHer TRIBE. She has a closed Facebook page for us ShapeHer ladies and it is FUCKING AMAZING!!! Like oh my god. These women. The empowerment. The inspiration and motivation you see all day on this page is truly remarkable. If you don’t feel like working out, look at the page and all that nonsense is out the door. Everyone is filled with so much love and compassion. We all share our stories and so much laughter. We have selfie contest. GIF parties. Dude, we even did a secret Santa gift exchange. I mean you can’t get much cooler than that. There is so much support here for everything. Not just your diet and exercise. I mean those ladies were all over me with messages on Superbowl Sunday because they knew I was freaking out over JT. I fell like I have an entire group of incredible friends rooting for me and it is all thanks to Kim and her journey.

She was gracious enough to sit down and answer some questions for me (and heads up…there is even a ShapeHer Workout in there!!!!!!)

TSH– Hello! Thank you so much for being here. Can you tell everyone a little about yourself?

Kim-Yeah!!. Omg so pumped that you asked me to do this mama!. . Thank you!. Okay, so a little about myself….I’m a female fitness coach, nutrition coach, lover of positivity, penises and Mary’s Gone Crackers. (If you’ve never heard of these, totally normal. My husband says they taste like cardboard.)

Oh and I’m obsessed with my Goldendoodle, Stella.. She’s the bomb!

TSH– So, we have known each other for over 20 years! So crazy!!! Tell everyone your favorite memory of The Shitty Housewife???

Kim– OMG seriously!?!?. I can’t believe that!!! I mean, we look the same right so no wonder time goes by so slow. Okay so favorite memory?. Dude, I have too many!! I love all your JT comments, funny jokes and I don’t give a fuck attitude on all your posts.. You just crack me up on the regular!

TSH-So, we reconnected via social media a while ago. You have an online fitness program and ran a 14 day challenge. It was truly life changing for me and I immediately joined the program. Can you tell readers about it?

Kim– You’re so sweet, I’m pretty proud of it too. You’re probably referring to my infamous Lean in 14 Challenge that I do a few times a year which is a workout consistency challenge for women who are ready to jump back in the game! It’s 14 days of workouts with a kick-ass community of women supporting one another.  To me, nothing is better than a community of like-minded women who want to level up, get out of the bullshit of life and really get to know one another on a deeper level.  My baby, ShapeHER coaching is all about an authentic tribe of women from all over the world connecting, working out and sharing their shit in a safe place.

TSH– How long have you been a life coach/trainer?

Kim-Since 2007! But online and seriously since 2014.

TSH– What lead you down this path?

Kim– I had struggled with anorexia, bulimia, bingeing and purging, over exercise, and severe body image issues so after I overcame my stuff, I knew 100% I struggled hard to do JUST THIS. I fucking love it and I know I’m fulfilling my passion and purpose because I’ve turned my struggles and hardships into something positive.  Plus, I LOVE helping women thrive and succeed, I can’t tell you how fulfilling that is.

TSH- I know from working with you, you are a strong believer in weight trainer, which has now become a HUGE part of my life. How did you get started down that path?

Kim- Weight training is so effijng powerful for a female. There’s something to be said for feeling strong AF.  Especially after my disordered eating background, I’ve found nothing radiates more confidence in a woman than one that’s comfortable in her own skin and that’s both physically and mentally.  Plus, weight training makes our body look bangin’!  It’s ideal for fat loss, body composition and you can crush killer workouts in a short period of time in your own home!

TSH-If there is a reader out there struggling for motivation to get started with a workout journey, what advice would you give to them?

Kim- Just do ONE thing. Don’t overthink it.  Start with ONE thing to get you on track and don’t take on a ton of other shit at once, otherwise you will be overwhelmed and quit.  If you’re new to exercise, start with committing to 20 minute walks 3 x a week.  Once you mastered that for a while, THEN add something.  Also, give yourself some compassion.  As I always say, “We can never hate ourselves into getting in shape.” It’s a journey, just be patient and kind to yourself.

TSH- What are your thoughts on dieting? And what advice would you give readers who are struggling in that department?

Kim- Haha, I think you already know but F dieting. You know I hate that shit. It doesn’t work. Period.  I get it, we all have the shiny object syndrome and want new, fresh, exciting, hardcore shit but it doesn’t work long term.  That’s key.  LONG TERM.  What typically happens?  You go on a diet, you’re dedicated and it’s like the honeymoon phase, you’re crushing for a few days or a week but then how much mental energy goes into it?  80-90%?  Are you obsessing about the food more than before?  Is your headspace more consumed than before you went on a diet?  If the answer is yes, stop that shit. When we don’t’ allow ourselves certain things because they might be labeled “good” or “bad” we set ourselves up for wanting them even more.. Think about the kid and cookie scenario.. We tell them no but they want it even more, yes?  We can 100% be in great shape, look good and NOT have to diet and white-knuckle our way through food torture.  It doesn’t have to be so all-or-nothing.  I’m a firm believer in my #middlepathmindset motto. 

TSH– What is your go to recipe?

Kim– SIMPLE!!! I love the crockpot.  Throw in some chicken breasts, can of salsa, ½ cup of rice, corn and beans. Cook on low heat for 7 hours and call it a day!

TSH– What is your favorite workout routine, besides a romp in the sack with the hubs…which is mine??

Kim- Haha!! Super effective……High calorie burning, metabolically efficient exercises.  Have your readers give this a go….

20 minutes as many rounds as you can (all you need are dumbbells)

12 squat to press

12 lunge to bicep curl

12 jump squats

TSH- As Valentine ’s Day approaches us woman are swarmed by pictures of sexy lingerie and large boxes of chocolates. What would you say to woman who are out there wanting to do both? Eat it all and still feel amazing?

Kim– Nah, I don’t believe they need to eat it all as you say, but allow themselves to be mindful and have some chocolate. 

TSH-I ask all my guests this….we all can’t be perfect all the time. Tell us about one of your shittiest moves!

Kim- Hahah! Hmmmmmm…..

I farted in the gym and blamed it on the man in front of me.

So are you guys ready for this??!!! You can join too!!!!! She is offering a new challenge starting on Monday and it is only $1 to join!!! After the challenge it will be regular ShapeHer prices (you can cancel after the 2 weeks otherwise it goes to the regular $49.97 per month) but you can test it out for two weeks and meet all the Tribe for a buck! I am telling you guys, you don’t want to miss this chance. It has truly changed my life. I feel better. I am happier. I have more energy and MY ASS LOOKS FINE AS HELL!!! So click on the link and sign up…..and hey welcome to the TRIBE.


spring into action referral challenge

Certified Personal Trainer and Nutrition Coach

My First Heart Break

Daddy Issues, Daddy issues, where are you_Here I am. Here I am. How do you do_!

The first man to break my heart was my father.

It is a tough pill to swallow when the one man who is supposed to love you to your core leaves you.

As a child then I was very forgiving….sadly, as a parent now I cannot say the same. There was always this whole story that is someone else’s fault. That someone kept me from him. Money, travel, the list goes on. But as someone who cherishes love more than most, none of that would keep me away from someone I loved.

The one man who is going to be there forever. The one man you can always count on. The one man in your life,,,,gone. Leaving you with the thought, ‘if the man who created me can’t love me, how could anyone else?’

I do feel like for a few of my flings, where I did my thing and left without getting close, can all be pulled back to this thought. I also think the longer relationships I experienced prior to my husband had this thought too. I pursued unavailable men….FOR YEARS. Knowing they would never let me get that close. I was even with someone for three years and we talked about marriage, but we both knew we only spoke of it because it had been three years. He was 100% unavailable to love and I was 100% okay with it.

I was so scared to fall in love because again, how could anyone love me. I mean, I knew I was great, attractive, successful….but lovable?! Probably not.

It didn’t matter how much my mom loved me, my sister loved me, my friends loved me…..there was always something missing. Something I was terrified to put out there to a man. If I love you with all my heart and soul…if I love unconditionally, will you love me back? My dad couldn’t….can you?

I had to take the self-love journey a little longer than most. And damn was it worth it. I honestly think I love myself more than anyone has ever loved themselves. I did so many things for myself and nurtured myself in ways I never received from a man. I still dated during this time, which maybe I should regret…but I don’t (regret and love in my book is a total oxymoron.)

But I took some serious time to figure out how to love myself and to really think about how I wanted to be loved. During this time I dated someone again, who was extremely unavailable. It was a major setback and the one dating situation in my life that I deeply do regret.  But while I dated him, I had a long distance, almost 100% emotional relationship with someone who wanted to love me, but because of circumstances could not. Through both of these men I realized the importance of love and found a determination to be released from this love sabotage journey I had been on for so long. I was physically with someone who was a cruel and selfish, and just what I was used too. But emotionally I found a life changing connect with a man who touched my soul in a very unthinkable way. I had to stop both relationships, and did. I let go of both. I walked away from both.

I began once again the self-love process. Maybe I was still trying to find a replacement of a father figure. Maybe I was still not feeling lovable. Maybe I was still trying to prove to someone that I did really deserve it. But then I realized the only person I needed to prove this too was myself. I started living 100% for myself. I had a business. I had a home (alone!) I had my dogs. I had my family. I had my friends. I went on a dating sabbatical. I started talking about my “daddy issues.” I stopped being ashamed that he left me and learned that he actually didn’t leave me. He had to go work on himself and do his thing. Sucks that he never looked back? Yes, but that is what he needed. It had nothing to do with not loving me. He didn’t love himself enough to love me. These were all his issues and I had to give them all back to him. They were not my issues at all.

One my very first date with Matt I openly talked about my dad (which I RARLEY) do. I was very clear what I needed and what I wanted. By the third date we had talked about kids, goals, needs and wants from a relationship. I was 100% myself from the moment he knocked on the door to pick me up for our first date. Of course it wasn’t all serious shit…I mean there was lots of booze and booty involved, but I was on a mission to not be involved with yet another unavailable, selfish, man. I was ready to take my daddy issues by the hand and ask them to step out the door.

I knew what I wanted. I knew I was lovable and most importantly, I knew I was worthy of everything I have ever wanted and desired.  I let that be known as we sat next to each other as complete strangers on an awkward first date at the ballet.  I let that be known when I was puking in his toilet telling him I was accidently pregnant after 3 months of dating. I let that be known the moment he put a ring on my finger. And even though I don’t have to tell him what I deserve anymore because he knows and he does, I find nothing wrong with a little reminder.

Growing up without a father figure is tough.  As a woman, I had no idea the kind of damage it can do. But now, as a wife, a mother, a lover, a friend, I can whole heartily say I am okay with what happened. I am glad it happened to me. It made who I am today, and I am the most amazing person I know.


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife