Who You Callin’ Shitty?

So am I a shitty housewife? Yeah, I am. Not intentionally, but if you compared me to another housewife I would be the shittier of the two.

Look, I love being a wife, I love having a home “to keep” and I adore taking care of my kids. But no one is ever going to give me a ‘housewife of the year’ award. Truth is, I am 100% okay with that. I am really good at making my kids laugh. I am even better at putting a huge smile on my husband’s face at any moment during the day. And I am the best at drinking a lot of Miller Highlife while maintaining a flat belly.

We all cannot be good at everything. And in this day and age of Facebook and Instagram, man it is easy to look like you are. But I am here to create a space where perfection is the PITS! In fact perfect is not welcome. I want a place where I can be myself. My true, real, semi-shitty, and totally awesome self. A place where a selfie showing my deflated, teeny, tiny breasts is welcomed because they nursed three humans. A place where I can talk about how I try every day to make this household how it is “supposed” to be, but I am having a hard time trying to fit that mold. A place where that mold is just fucking lame. A place where being myself is the best and being someone I am not is the absolute worst. A place where YOU and I can admit who we are and be crazy proud of that person. My name is Jan-O.

Welcome to The Shitty Housewife.

VP of Happiness

525848907Once someone asked me what my dream job was, and besides being a Justin Timberlake backup dancer….I remember clearly stating, that my dream job was to be the VP of Happiness.


This feels weird.

It’s been quite some time since I have been here. Days, months, hell, probably a year??

If you are reading this you are probably one of two humans. Which is fine (and thank you, you two!) I am not sure if I would even read my own shit these days. I AM RUSTY! But I am hoping to find my fingers back on my keyboard for things other than work and scrolling.

No need to discuss where I have been. It really isn’t that exciting. A busy wife, mom of 3, figuring out my way through a pretty intense corporate job (first time in 40 years in corporate….that shit is NO JOKE.) Oh yeah, I am 40 now….slipped that in (but that discussion is for another post.) So yeah, it has been a pretty hectic year or so. An awesome one filled with loads of ups and downs. But some things MUST get pushed to the side to make sure this life, their lives, his life, my pets life, all can stay on track. And I am totally okay with it………kind of.

The past couple months have been a bit rough for the old Shitty Housewife. And I am about to open a can of worms for the two of you reading, that only the hubs knows about.

In all of the hustle and bustle, and goods and bads and rights and wrongs, and relationships, family, friends, kids, social events, outings, work, school, ALL THE SHIT….I tapped out. I became so focused on just going and making things happen, that I lost sight of the most important thing and the one common denominator (did I just reference math?!) to all of this. ME. I lost me….and within losing myself to this life, I lost a great deal of happiness. I suddenly began walking around sad. I woke up and just moved about with a heavy weight of sadness on my shoulders. I found myself getting irritated at the simplest of things and having the patience of, welp, of nothing…..like no patience left. Things that have made me happy for years and years and years just weren’t doing it anymore. And to top it off, the sadness and loss of interest, I became anxious…..like ALL OF THE TIME RIDDEN WITH ANXIETY.

I have been hiding it well. But I know as a HUGE supporter of mental health (for everyone on the planet except myself apparently) I know that there is NO reason to hide it. But I have always just been the happy one. The one that cheers people up. The one to tell funny stories and make people smile. So I just hid it, because it seemed easier…..and then it bottled up and I lost it….I let it go…..all the tears and Matt’s shoulder heard me finally admit. I AM NOT HAPPY.

But here is the thing. I am happy in SO MANY ways. My kids….fuck, THEY ARE THE BEST. They are so cool and amazing and smart and bring me constant joy. My husband is fantastic. He is fun and funny and sweet and spoils me. My family is insanely supportive. My friends make my heart feel so good. Work, well it’s work. But it is a great paycheck and it does have its perks (THE SNACKS!)  What I realized and was hard for me to swallow is that I am not happy with myself. And I don’t know why.

I’m a pusher. I push myself every day to make shit happen. And I most of the time do make it happen. But I think I have been pushing so hard for so long I lost myself along the way. I allowed all of these amazing people around me be my focus for pushing that I stopped pushing for myself. And even though I was doing all the workouts and taking all the supplements and drinking all the water and eating all the superfoods….I wasn’t really benefiting my head.

My head is in a weird spot. And as Matt told me how proud he was that I recognized what was happening and to speak it out loud, I too felt proud of myself. But I also felt the urge to find out why it got weird and what can I do to get it back to the normal weird…..you know because I still will always be weird as in odd and I LOVE that.

So I have embarked on a journey to happiness. I am committed to it. I want to push for me again. I want to do things that make me happy and thrive so all of these humans around me can see it, feed off of it and thrive as well. I want to take steps to figure out where I went off track and why I stopped caring about me. I stopped writing. And I LOVE writing, so cheers to one small step.

So here I am….an open book….or an open chromebook….hahahahahahaha. I am excited to be here. I am THANKFUL to be here and I am ready to take on my dream job. I know that our body and minds are a constant work in progress and my mind needs some work. Some love, some hugs, some work. But I know I can do it. Hell if anyone can be the VP of Happiness, it def is me.


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



Full Time Everything

So now that I am back on here, things have changed a bit. I am doing everything full time now. I guess I always was before. but now it’s like I have this grown up job (I mean, about time….I am about to be 40) and my work is a bit consuming right now. It won’t always be this way, but I am new and I have a lot to learn. And there is a shitload of growth potential and money to be made and man, I am all about getting paid right now.

But now it’s like, I got my wish and I got this big ass job. I am FULL time and when I clock out, I am momming like crazy. My kids are so much fun right now. They are all so active and silly and entertaining. Between them and work, days are flying by. The question is, after getting up, working out, getting kids set up, going to work, getting off work, play time, dinner time, bath time, bed time…..when do I wife?

I mean I housewife all day still (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) but how do we carve out time for our partners? And not just for sex……but for anything! Like after all that I am tired. Chatting doesn’t seem fun. I can’t keep my eyes open to snuggle up to a good movie, and god forbid it’s some sort of chore to accomplish together. F that…this B is spent.

I guess this transition is still a work in progress….I guess it always will be. And maybe this is just a stage. Maybe one day I will suddenly have a burst of energy at the end of the day and be down for a long night of conversation. Until then, I will just continue to fall asleep putting the kids to bed and creep into our bed at all hours of the night.

We still keep things fresh during passing. I am not one to sext (did I really just type that?) but I am one to send an ‘I miss you” or ‘Can’t wait to see you’ or ‘Don’t you want to eat copious amounts of cheese dip later?’…..gotta know someone’s love language, right.

I do I can have it all. Work, kids, husband, home, pets and copious amounts of cheese dip, but just like everything else in this crazy life, gotta bust my ass around that learning curve.


The Shitty Housewife

Jan O




Hello Old Friends


Oh my god, it has been so long since I have written, I forgot how to use WordPress. YIKES.

Not sure why I took such a break. I guess things got weird. I graduated and I was basically asked to leave my job…..long story for another time. I was job hunting like a fool and landed upon this AWESOME one. Like, I don’t know how I even got this gig and how I am not fired by now, but I am not. I think they actually like me. Yeah, I stare at a computer all day. Yeah, it is very corporate. Yeah, there are a shitload of rules. But man, I busted my ass for this sort of work and the paychecks are AMAZING!!!!!!!

The week I started the kids got out of school for the summer. Matt started looking for a new job (AND ALSO GOT A GREAT ONE!) and life took over. And I needed to let it. I needed to focus on the family, the changes, my work.

But I am settling in and well. I feel like all the changes, although scary and unknown, have been exciting and well deserved. I am one to think so much good is happening, when is the shoe going to drop, but maybe it won’t. Maybe working towards a goal and a better life means actually reaching your goal and gaining a better life.

Also, I wanted to break from broadcasting my views. There comes a point with social media that it just gets gross. Everyone has an idea, a thought, a brand, A FUCKING OPINION. I just wanted to quiet mine for awhile and not be so open about certain things. I also had to lay off the scrolling. It was making me so depressed and irritated and angry. Then it hit me one day. Here I am all pissed off and all I am doing about it is replying to some fucked up meme. Fighting how woman are NOT treated equally, or guns ARE too easily accessible and how Trump IS actually the worst person ever. Saying all this to a damn MEME. But what the fuck is replying to those things going to actually do….just piss me off even more, right? So I stopped scrolling. Stopped voicing my opinion. I was quiet for awhile and regrouped. And I am so glad I did. I feel refreshed, energized and unaffected by memes (okay, slight lie there….)

But my hope is to make my way back here. To you guys…my three fans, who are actually just friends who feel like it is mandatory to read my shit!

I have some fun stuff to talk about….and by fun, I mean funny, lame and def mediocre (isn’t that what you expect from me!)

Anyway, good to be here, not sure if I will actually remember how to post this, but fingers crossed.


The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

Top 5 Things We Should Stop Mom-Shaming


I was having a rough weekend this weekend in the ol mom department. Lots of yelling, lots of low patience and lots of beating myself up. I know it happens to the best of us, but I started thinking about it and how it is time for us to STOP! Here are the 5 top things I tear my own mom ass up about and why I need to stop! Mom shaming ourselves or anyone else for these things is just unacceptable. We are all doing our best and need to approach momlife with a little more grace. 

  1.  TV Time- We have all joked about it, memed about, pretended the TV didn’t exist when friends are over. But the TV can be a lifesaver. We all know this, so why do we beat ourselves up about using it? Sometimes they need to chill out and be entertained while we do our thing. I don’t think it the worst thing in the world, as a parent, to throw on a show, let them zone out while you get your shit done. I’m not saying to the TV on all day and ignore your kids, but if you have a few hours where you need that, you do you. But I am saying use it to your advantage when you need it. And STOP beating yourself up for it!


  1. Organic Food- I am a firm believer in not mom shaming yourself for this. Of course nourishing them with everything they need for health and longevity is vital, but if they want a happy meal and you don’t feel like toting the whole gang through Kroger, do it. I know we compare what we are feeding our kids to everyone else, but we aren’t everyone else! You are you and who doesn’t love a dinner of doritos and ice cream every once in awhile. Iknow me and my kids do. So STOP beating yourself up for it!


  1. Yelling- I did not think I was going to be a yelling mom, but I am. But my kids are yelling kids! We are just an overall yelling family. The thing about us yelling, is that we do it, get our point across and then the shit is done. We move on.  No grudges, no anger, just getting shit done. Sometimes the only way to get through to a toddler is raising your voice and there is nothing wrong with it. I get sitting down and having a calm conversation with your kids and assisting them with understand the problem, but there are some times that yelling is the only answer. Getting out that mom rage can help for a better day in the long run. So STOP beating yourself up over it!


  1. Social Media Comparisons- We all do it. We scroll and see other moms with their shit together. Hair and make-up done. Their kids and themselves cute and stainless. Their bodies all post baby weight. Pinteresting, cooking, smiling. THEY HAVE BAD DAYS TOO! We have to remember that and not make them feel bad. They just happen to be great with filters (and lies!!!!) J/K. Some parents just nail things, and social media makes us all so aware of it. Don’t let that make you feel weird or less. EVER. SO STOP beating yourself up over it.


  1. Your body- Okay, I am going to take the lead on this one ladies. We must stop shaming our bodies for how they look after becoming a mom. Of course I work out and eat right, but I changed my mindset on it. I don’t do it to be skinny or have a six pack. I do it to be healthy and to gain energy. My body is a fucking temple that created life. My body allowed me to be a mom, so why do I get mad it at for not looking like it used too. This behavior must stop.Work out, eat right but more importantly, love yourself and your body for being so damn incredible. So STOP beating yourself up for it!


Again, this all starts with me. I will stop if you do. We must be proud that we get to love these kids and see them grow and change the world. We are perfect parents for our kids with all of our imperfections included. I’m going to let these go starting now! I am all they need and my decisions of a few shows or french fried is not going to ruin their lives! My life either!   


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O, the Cry Baby

I cried at work today.

This is something I am not proud of.

I am not saying crying is a bad thing, I just like to do it the privacy of my own home and when people don’t actually know it is happening.

My boss put me on the spot  (he could tell something was bothering me) and oh lord, I released and with that came the fucking water works.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. I am passionate about my work and I believe I am there, in corporate America fighting for the underdog. But lately, I feel like every aspect of my work day is filled with negativity and that is not fitting for my perky ass. So today, shit hit the fan inside my little head and I cried.

And I probably wasn’t even crying about work.

I was crying thinking about the incredibly large amount of laundry I had waiting for me at home.

I was crying because I knew it was my turn to cook dinner, and I am over cooking at the moment.

I was crying because I can’t afford Justin Timberlake tickets.

I was crying because I haven’t had a carb in days (fucking Keto.)

I was crying because I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since 2012.

I was crying because my boobs will never be as perky as they used to be.

I was crying because I will never know what happened to Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano once they got on that bus at the end of the one and only season of My So Called life.

I was crying because sometimes I just feel like the world is fucking intense and I need to shed some god damn tears.

It does not help that my boss is a man, who probably views crying as weak. But I am not letting that get to me too much. I have seen him with a man cold, so if you consider one of us weak…well, I birthed three children and never looked as “drained” as he did while blowing his stuffy nose. But it does always feel like a “better of the sexes” type thing when we cry. Although, if I did cry to a female boss, I may have been even more embarrassed. I mean a girlboss is tough shit, so hopefully I’d keep my shit together, right?!

But sometimes shit boils up. Sometimes, even shitty ol me gets emotional, overwhelmed and frustrated to the point of tears. Sometimes I just get so fed up that people just can’t be normal and decent and the aggravation gets to me. Sometimes wearing as many hats as I do, a mom/wife/employee/volunteer/writer/overall awesome human being gets to be too much and I need a break. But when you wear that many hats, breaks are so few and far between.

So when he pulled me aside and asked, “are you sure you are okay” I took that as an open invitation to have a mental “break” down.

I cried at work today. And now I feel like my boss will never look at me the same ( like I’m the crazy bitch who cried.) Or maybe it’s that I won’t view myself with as much respect as his peer as I did pre cry. Who knows. All I know is that it happened and in life, take backs are few and far between.

I guess the next step is owning it (and possibly ignoring it) and enter the office tomorrow with my head held high and my tissues stashed in my drawer.

xoxo Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



No More Babies

12801415_10207860571244841_3200420523472726171_n     My  baby turns 3 tomorrow.

It is insane.

He is bigger than my 4 year old and he has the personality of his 37 year old dad. And although he seems SO much older, he is still a baby. My baby. Right?!

So why does him turning 3 depress me?

Baby life is officially over for me. He is ready for pre school. He is in his big boy bed, with his big boy potty and uncovered cups. He is no longer a baby in anyway and when you know you are never going to have another baby, letting go of the last is very hard.

Look, I know I complain about my kids and say how disgusting and exhausting they are (ESPECIALLY CAMERON.) But they are the most incredible and inspiring thing that has and will ever happen to me. These teeny tiny humans that grew inside of my body are magical. And now, the littlest, the youngest, the baby, is no longer a baby. He is a threenager and I am no longer a baby mom. And won’t be ever again.

Even though I don’t want any more kids, it is a tough pill to swallow. I wonder if I am the only woman who feels this conflicted feeling? I’m sure I’m not, but I do know that it is a very odd feeling.

My body is done producing, but I still feel like I have more to give. I don’t want to ever be pregnant again, but I want that newborn snuggling feeling so bad. I never EVER want sleepless nights of breastfeeding, but I long for that special alone time with a tiny human Matt and I created.

Ugh, womanhood is so weird. I do know this. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have experienced this 3 times. I mean, how fucking incredible of a life I have to have created life three times. And now, even though he is no longer, none of them are, I get to watch them grow and develop. And if I am lucky enough to live a long life, I will get to snuggle with their babies ( a bajillion years from now.)

So tonight, I will spend the last night as a baby mom in a bittersweet vibe. Missing the past but excited for his future. Knowing that even though this baby is getting older by the minute, he will always be my baby. My last baby who has blessed me every minute of his three year old life.


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



ill-drink-one-beer-then-lm-coming-home-8-hours-3851347Why are you so cruel to me? I used to be able to drink a lot of you and feel fine. And now, after getting older, I have two of you and pretty much want to die the next day. What happened? Why has our relationship changed? Why do you do this to me? You tempt me with your smoothness. You satisfy my taste buds with your bubbly hops. You make me feel so good while we are together. Then the next day, once you are no longer around, you make me want to climb under the covers and hide form life. But as a mom, a career woman and just a human being in general, I do not have that option.

Beer, what has happened to us. Why are you so delicious and deceiving? Why do you try and kill me?



I am on vacation and nothing makes happier than relaxing with a cold beer (even if I’m in the coldest place ever.) I mean, even though I know I will wake up and feel kinda crappy, it is still so chill and so calming. I love beer. Like, I love it. I love the way it tastes. I love the way it chills me out. I just love it. I didn’t get the wine gene, at all. I think wine is gross, but beer, aw lovely beer. So this week, as I begin this vacation, and my patience runs thin with my kids and my husband, my saving grace will be there to get me through it.

So thank you cold brew. I do really love you. 27971794_1520096994692331_3050946401110477727_n

Happy LOVE Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The day of LOVE!!

And since my new love journey is upon us, well, then I better not be in my normal V Day state which is hate…yep. I said it. I generally hate Valentine’s Day.

But I am going to stop that shit right now and start loving the day of love.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, LOVE IS AMAZING! I mean what other emotion can do to us what love can. It makes us elated, infuriated, frisky, lifeless. It makes us SO high and SO low. When you are in love, whether it is new and fresh or old and routine, it wraps your whole being and surrounds you with warmth.

When I first met Matt, I was the giddiest human being to exist. The warmth of his love filled me with hope, dreams and spirit. 7 years later the warmth of his love still fills me but in different ways. Sometimes with irritation due to his lack of laundry doing and sometimes with peace because I found my person who comforts my every thought. But it is the love that flows between the two of us, that has shaped us, year after year.

Nothing else can hold a couple together then the base of true love. Shit can get bad. Shit can get real. Shit can hit the fan. But if that love is between you, you will survive. What an incredible feeling?! To know that a feeling can get you through some rough patches. To know that an emotion can make you look at someone and say forever. To know that desire you feel towards someone can bring on a deep feeling of forgiveness.

So today, of all days, remember how incredibly lucky we are to have the opportunity to love. Whether it is our partner, our kids, our family, our friends, our pets and most importantly OUR SELVES.

I love you all!


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



Why Are We Giving Zero Fucks?

fresh blooms

So as a society we are always going through these funny stages and busting out some funny sayings.

“Bye Felicia.”

“On Fleek.”

“Who Let The Dogs Out.”

Right now, all the rage is “Zero Fucks” and sadly, we aren’t talking about my favorite form of fucking… we are talking about not caring. At all. Literally, not giving a fuck about anything. “Zero Fucks Given.” Embodying all the ideas of not giving a shit and doing whatever the fuck you feel like doing.

I get it…kinda.

But come on people. We should give a fuck. I mean I know we are being funny and goofy. Like, bitch I don’t give a shit. You do you and me do me. But shouldn’t we want to do each other (see what I did there!)

I understand not caring about what others think about who you are as a person, because that is crazy! It is. I spent so years and tears trying to remember that worrying about what other people think of me is unimportant. Of course be kind. Of course be free. Of course help when you can. But don’t NOT be yourself because you think someone won’t like you. But please….give a fuck!

Give a fuck about other humans. Give a fuck about the environment. Give a fuck about this beautiful life you are living.

I know it is much easier to walk around not giving a fuck. You’re like, I see someone being an asshole, who cares. I see someone throwing trash on the ground, whatevs. I see someone treating another living being like garbage, shit someone else can handle that.

But really folks…THAT IS NOT COOL!

I mean it is the sure fire way to take the easy way out. yeah, it might feel nice at the time, blowing something off. But in the long run you are missing out on a chance to better you! And nothing is cooler than bettering yourself.

Love each other. Love the earth. LOVE YOURSELF. Give a fuck. Go on that trip and meet new people. Go apply for that job and make more money. Go start that business even if you are scared. Go help that person, because they need it. Give a fuck about your life and the lives around. Please. GO GIVE A FUCK. If we don’t, who will?!


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife