My job requires weekend work. I don’t mind it….I mean I get paid, but man, all that TGIF hoopla is just lame. I am like come on Tuesday, or as I like to call it Boozeday! Anyway, worked last night and this morning. And no day of rest for me tomorrow either. So I am here slamming everyone who hates their Monday-Friday 9-5. It really does not suck. You get to celebrate with all the other TGIF’ers, while we, weekend workers die a little on the inside.
This week I am slamming something that has been nagging women for decades. Something that is scary, worrisome, dreadful and pretty much all bad words… SWIMSUIT SEASON. Why do we do this to ourselves??? Why do we get so worked over putting on this small article of clothing??? Why do we put ourselves through the prep, the diets and the working out, just to feel a little better in the fitting room. Bathing suit shopping BLOWS.
I don’t care if you are fucking Beyonce, selecting those teeny tiny suits makes you want to vomit. You look in the mirror and dissect every inch of your figure and every donut you have eaten in the last six months.
So fuck you Swim Suit Season. You are a piece of shit who has been trying to make me feel like a piece of shit for decades. No matter how hard I work out, how many broccoli florets I force, when it is your time to shine, I look like a water buffalo.
Here is the thing, I know I should not say this just in case any of my readers are young and considering going back, but I just can’t. School is the worst. And I am talking about upper level school. Go to high school, get that diploma. But man, as I am in the midst of my Bachelors, I am like, what the fuck. Am I even going to use this crap? I am shelling out all this money for a piece of paper and that is it. Maybe if I went straight out of high school I would be more open to it. But I am 37. I have had two successful careers and have lived my entire adult life without having to do Business Statistics or International Business. And now, since I want that piece of paper, I suddenly need to know it. And why are you so expensive school. A fucking text book is the price of my mortgage. Just back the fuck off for awhile. You are bugging and really putting my stress level at an all time high.
How the fuck do I use you? Seriously, it’s been like 25 years of me trying and I still don’t completely understand you. Stop being such a jerk….especially you eye liner.
I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with this blog. It is a salute to someone who passed away this week and a slam for this horrible thing called death, where we have to say goodbye to people we love.
For the past several years I have watched a very brave and beautiful woman fight constant battles with her health. She fought. She won. She fought. She won. She fought….so very hard. And this week, she said goodbye to us here on this planet and was sent to her next journey. This week, my best friend’s mom passed away.
I met my best friend Kara many, many years ago. She and I have been so close for so long, I do honestly consider her family.She is one of those friends that I know will be in my life forever, because we are family. Our lives have changed. Our roles have changed. Even our friendship has changed, but we are constant.
Girlfriend relationships are truly amazing and beautiful to me. So real, so nurturing, so hard and so honest. And when you have one of those girlfriends you experience so much together. We have battled and fought and disagreed plenty, but always find a way back. Because girlfriends who are family do that. We have seen each other turn from girls to women. We have seen each other blossom in our careers. We have seen each other fall in love. We have seen each other live life. We were each other bridesmaids and she has seen me give birth. And today, I watched her say goodbye to her mother.
When you meet your girlfriends, you don’t think about this. You think about their wedding, their kids, their careers, their triumphs. You don’t think, I will one day be at their mothers funeral. But, our path together brought us here and I am so thankful I was able to be there with her. Hearing her speak, watching her love, all I saw was her mom. All of their beauty combined. All of their love for each other overflowing any sadness that existed. She may not have felt it, but man, I did. Everyone did.
Death is just an awful thing. Sadly, it has been very predominate in my life since this year started. Maybe it is a fluke. Maybe it is just life as I get older. I do know that losing someone and or watching someone lose someone is just the worst feeling.
There are only two people on this planet who created my best friend. And sadly, one of them is gone. But I know when I see Joan in another life I will not forget to thank her for creating Kara. For creating this girlfriend who I cherish and who I have experienced so much of my life with. For making her the person she is, who is the person that I have fully embraced and vise versa. For better or worse. We are committed.
Growing up with old friends is so weird. It is truly beautiful and I am lucky enough to have a few of these girlfriends who I will grow old with. We will be together for all of the good and bad times in each others lives. But whether good or bad, we will have each other. And that right there can ease some pain.
Joan, I will never encounter another person like you. You never let life defeat you and followed your dreams more so than anyone I have ever known. You made me laugh, cry, you gave me your home when I needed it. You gave me your support when I needed it, but most importantly, you gave me Kara. One of the best gifts I have ever received. You will be missed greatly and I promise to take care of our girl as long as I am here.
Easter Candy. I just spent more than half my paycheck on candy. Pastel colored jelly beans and chocolate covered bunnies. I know, I have three baskets to fill, but what the fuck???? Do they hike the prices up this time of year??? SO many things about this holiday are just so bizarre. I am not a religious person, but I know Easter is not about a basket filled of goodies at all. And why on earth are eggs even involved. Bunnies do not lay eggs, so why does the Easter Bunny leave them??? Look, I know tomorrow morning my disgusting angels are going to wake up and be over joyed to have their hunt and chow on candy all day. I know once they enter school, these holidays are going to be even more exploited and more intense. And I know their happiness comes way before my irritation, but damn holidays….CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!
Slam…..Birthdays…What age did they lose their fun? They used to be the highlight of my year. And ever since I turned…well, I am not exactly sure when, I just fucking hate them.
I don’t want presents, I don’t want doting, I don’t want to recognize that another year has passed by. And it is not because I am older. I can handle the wrinkles, the sagging, the lack of firmness in certain areas that used to be so tight. It’s the idea that yet another year has passed by and I still don’t feel like I have done enough. 365 from the last age change and I am still in the same place. Yes, I am married and have kids, but there are things lacking. I am no where close to where I thought I would be career wise and money wise at age 37 (jesus….30 fucking 7. I can’t) I just always thought I would be more helpful in the financial department of my marriage. That I would be more career focused and able to provide more. But I am a full time student, a part time everything, a mom and, lets face it…a shitty housewife, so providing those Benjamin ain’t happening.
Welp, here we are. A few weeks away from the primaries for the presidential elections. And what else are we in the middle of….insane amounts of blurbs, “facts” and views about people and their political perspective.
Look, I enjoy talking politics, even if I do not agree with the person I am chatting with. What I can not stand is someone straight up talking shit about my views and my ideas without even hearing mine out.
People who sit back and claim an entire political party is lazy or poor or whatever the fuck people think based on some silly post they read one time. Have your views but respect others. That is the whole idea behind the system we have. We CAN think differently and that is OKAY! But people who say all democrats are on welfare and all republicans are crazy Christians are just fucking ridiculous and it needs to stop.
In the end we all want our country to be better. We all want more money and we all want war to stop (at least I hope we all want that.) So let us stop this generalization and be okay with the idea that we are all different. If we keep bashing each other for having different ideals with politics than what is the point of the system we have.
I do not mind the educational posts, those are fine. I am talking about the stupid, bullshit, hateful ones that pretty much slam an entire group of humans. Let’s be honest, there is not the perfect candidate out there. I mean there is, but Justin Timberlake isn’t running…so let’s just do our research, pick our person and keep it to ourselves sans the lame Facebook posts.
Farrah, Farrah, Farrah
Some of the people on these shows have some personalities that you really relate to, even maybe say to your self, “Man have I been there” or you really think, “I could hang out with that guy/girl.” Whether it be Snookie, Jay Wow or Pauly D to Vanilla Ice and Ron Jeremy on Big Brother. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, has gotten under my skin, and I’m sure under the skin of most halfway decent people that have ever had the displeasure of watching M.T.V’s Teen Mom O.G.’s
Farrah Abraham, known by some as “Backdoor Teen Mom” or the headline dancer at Palazio’s Gentleman’s Club in Austin, Texas. To me that’s all well in good, do what you do. But the part that really chaps my ass is her relationship with her mother and her interactions with the crew that has the miserable displeasure of having to spend their work day getting bitched at for wearing shoes in her house or using a glass in her cabinet for a glass of water. She is such an out and out bitch that she made M.T.V. get an outhouse for the sound man and camera man to use. Mind you, these two guys are the same two that have filmed her segments for the past six years. Just to give you an idea, one of the other teen moms on the show recently had another baby and asked her sound woman to be the babies god mother!
On a recent episode Farrah had asked her mother to watch Sophia while she was away on a business trip. Sophia is Farrah’s rotten little brat daughter who is constantly hitting her grandmother, sticking her tongue out and just plain being a miniature version of her mother. I know that picking on the kid is not very grown up, but this isn’t about me!
So more about her, in the conversation with her mother she says, “Mom I just want you to know that I have rules at my house.” These rules included “using to much detergent when doing laundry.” Just so everyone is clear here, her mom lost her job in an attempt to schedule the multi week baby sitting engagement. She basically put her life on hold to help out her daughter.
On Farrah’s Wikipedia page it states that Farrah and her mother have always had a tumultuous relationship. When Farrah found out that she was preggo at 16, her mother denied her an abortion. A lot of Farrah’s actions and comments towards her mom makes me wonder if she resents her mother for having to grow up too fast. As they say Play ya Play.
Now that I have said that, I really need to say this: Farrah Abraham is a self centered, disrespectful, plastic surgery laden piece of shit. The way that she speaks to her mother makes me sick to my stomach. The way she allows her daughter to treat adults drives me fucking insane. She was recently invited by a friend to a party in the Hamptons as a +1. When the host of the party found out that she was coming, an email was sent saying that she was not welcome. She then showed her face with her mother and manager there anyway and was quickly showed the door, a highlight of my reality television watching career. She truly is the bottom of the barrel.
I, myself, have never been at a loss for words. I consider myself a decent conveyer of words, yet I feel like a small visual aide should be included. So here is a small mish-mash of some of this despicable human, for your viewing pleasure. I hope she gives you the same blood curdling, stomach rolling, ‘who shit their pants’ feeling that she gives me.
I very rarely use the word hate, but I hate her, and to tell you the TRUMP truth, I’m not a real big fan of her daughter either. For your viewing pleasure or maybe just to bring you down to my level we have included here you go. Check out this skank in all of her glory.