Why My Second Kid Has A Better Mom

Being a second kid can totally suck. You get hand-me-down toys, hand-me-down clothes, and you never really get Mom to yourself. You always have someone picking on you, annoyed by you even though you just wanted to play, someone bigger/stronger/faster than you.

But you know what is awesome about being the second kid? You get a much better mom. Before baby #1, I was terrified but knew I would be a great mom because I read every.single.article. I read every.single.forum. I was in every.single.mom group. Baby #1 got like three baby showers, a perfectly curated nursery, brand new clothes, every teether on the market. I wouldn’t feed non-organic, I wouldn’t put her down if she was crying, I wouldn’t let anyone babysit her. I wouldn’t take time for myself, I wouldn’t let her self soothe, and I wouldn’t let her just do her thing.

Baby #2 didn’t get any of that shit. And honestly, I think he’s better for it. He is still THE happiest baby on this earth and he doesn’t give a shit about any of it. Now this all may change when they get a bit older, since now they are just 3 and 10months, but for now I’m not stressing it. He doesn’t care he has purple sheets. He doesn’t care his toys are his sister’s hand-me-downs bought from Goodwill to begin with. He doesn’t care that I let him eat pepperoni and shredded cheese for lunch.

Baby #2 gets the “cool mom.” She isn’t worried about the tiniest bump on his arm because she knows it is just a mosquito bite, no reason to ask the mom group, go back outside and play. She isn’t helicopter-ing around him as he learns to crawl and walk, she’s just encouraging, knowing there will be a few tumbles. She isn’t staying at home locked away from the world because she wants no one to watch him, he gets to know everyone at the party as he gets passed around and loves it. She isn’t stressed and hating herself and beating herself up because of that one little mistake that Suzie from Facebook would NEVER allow but really doesn’t fucking matter. He ate an m&m, holy shit!

Baby #2 gets to experience more in life. He gets an older sister to inspire, teach, and torture him. He gets the already tired parents willing to let him “just be a kid.” He gets a ton more freedoms off the bat. And he still has parents who freaking love him. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? Teaching them love? For the world, for others, for themselves?

So if you have baby #2 on the way and you’re fucking terrified, shit even baby #1, just let them be. Don’t be so caught up in all the little things you have to do, focus on just being the best mom you can be. That doesn’t mean the laundry will always be done. That doesn’t mean your floors are spotless. That doesn’t mean everyone is always doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. Because after baby #2, none of those things are going to be happening. But you are going to notice all of the little things you didn’t really pay attention to with your first because you were too concerned with what you should be doing.





Why I Did A Boudoir Photoshoot 6 Weeks Postpartum & Why Every Woman Should

So, Facebook groups have become my very favorite thing about Facebook for quite a few months now. There are groups for absolutely EVERYTHING! There are mom groups, toddler groups, sexy groups, relationship groups, and boudoir groups! A girl I barely know added me to a boudoir group months ago as part of a contest. I am an incredibly novice photographer in LOVE with the power of women’s bodies so I happily joined and found the very best group of empowering, uplifting women and even better, there was booties and babes everywhere!

The group is called ERP Boudoir VIP Group and it is run by the amazing Elizabeth Rose Cole, the mommy of 2 who has created this incredible business of making women feel like fucking rockstars. And y’all, she is the sweetest, most down to earth, chill, fun, comforting, badass I have met. So, when I got the chance at a session with her, I fucking jumped on it. The problem was, I had just had my second baby 6 weeks earlier, so I messaged her and she told me everything I needed to her. I expressed to her my concern with my trouble areas like my belly and she told me, “That’s what most women feel uncomfortable with. But you just had a baby! Of course your belly is going to still be healing. I’ll make sure you look like a goddess. 😊” And boy did she!

I want to give y’all a run down of how my session went because it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life!

The night before, I was up so late picking out the most “sexy” stuff I had, if you want to even call it that. Half of the stuff didn’t fit because it was pre-baby#1 so that was a bit upsetting but I just grabbed everything I could find. What was awesome is that she also has a whole wardrobe at the studio to use that she has handpicked for the best photoshoot attire on any body. And since this shoot was for my fiance as well as myself, she encouraged me to get some things that he might be attached to or that he likes on me. I shaved everything, and I mean everything, moisturized out the wazoo and brushed out my hair. I went to bed with excited butterflies.

The next morning I arrived at the studio to a smiling, warm and friendly Elizabeth. I instantly felt calmer with the cool vibe of the studio and the even cooler Spotify playlist echoing through the rooms. She offered me champagne and we went through the clothes I brought with me. I loved it because she was SUPER honest about what she felt would look best on me and translate to the best photos, and I was happy for the feedback! We talked about what I was comfortable with nudity wise and what kind of vibe I wanted for the shoot. She was willing to do everything from no nudity, implied nudity, and complete nudity without me feeling judged with my decision. Soon, makeup artist, Jennifer Chalk arrived  and we got to work! I sat for the most pampering this mama has gotten in years while Elizabeth did the best pin curl hairstyle, and Jennifer gave me  smokey, sultry makeup look. It was so fun and felt like we had known each other for years! It was all girl talk and baby talk and what I have missed while being at home with the babies and no adult conversations.

Once that was done, it was on to the shoot! The butterflies were back but in such an exciting way! What I absolutely loved is all the guidance Elizabeth gave me. She gave me a run down of how the shoot was gonna go, what she was going to say and so, what I needed to keep in mind, and she even showed me each pose so I could see what she meant when she said certain phrases. One I heard a lot was “arch that back! stick the booty out!” And from that first setup, we got my first shot and one of my faves!

The entire time she was checking her camera display and talking me up, telling me how much she loved it, how excited she was, how great I looked and wow did those words of affirmation help! From there we changed outfits, changed positions, changed locations, changed props etc and the shoot flew by without me ever feeling awkward half-naked in front of some chick I just met. Once we finished up with the shoot, I changed back into my “daytime” clothes and hung out while she worked on some of the photos. What I loved is that in just a couple of hours she had the gallery ready for me to look at instead of waiting for weeks, and we were able to look through them together to pick out prints. She has the most amazing selection of matted prints, albums, metal prints, & canvases for every budget. They are all gorgeous and so belong in your hubby’s/wifey’s sight every morning so they can remember how fucking fabulous you really are! Elizabeth kindly sent me some of my  proofs for this blog post and to share with all of her newest fans (y’all!!!)

And notice how I haven’t talked about being 6 weeks postpartum since the beginning? Because I didn’t fucking remember! The whole session I was si comfortable with Elizabeth that I just knew she would make me look fab and there was nothing to worry about and I felt so sexy! And when I got home a few hours later, Nick let me know how sexy I looked, too. (wink, sex, wink) And that confidence has lasted. After seeing myself in a way so different from the every day mom, messy bun, spit up covered, #PJsAllDay image I am so used to seeing in the mirror, I have realized that I can be the sexy woman who Nick always talks about. I can walk with a strut because I am amazing. I can feel good about myself and know that underneath all this that I am a goddess. And I fucking love that outlook on myself. I feel happier, more confident, more motivated, and more capable.

SO all of that being said, you HAVE TO join her group you HAVE TO go check out her website and you HAVE TO get a session done with her. She has just rolled out her newest referrals program so let her know that The Shitty Housewife Nicole sent you and get your booty into her studio. I promise you won’t regret it!


Why We Love: Mercedes Rivera

13312847_10107673365930013_7394803996112528617_nI am so excited to talk to you guys about Mercedes. She is a goddess. She is a queen. She is the coolest chick to ever come into my life. I literally  gaze at her in amazement when she speaks, because everything she says is the epitome of cool… yet she has no clue how fucking cool she really is, which, again, makes her the coolest chick ever. If you are lucky enough to meet Mercedes a few things go through your brain.

First off, you truly feel like you have just met a fairy. A real life, wings about to come out of her shoulder blades, glittery fairy.

Secondly, within seconds, you realize, “Wow, I think I am talking to the most genuine human to ever exist.

And lastly you think, “Did I just make a new best friend?” because she makes you feel that special. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. YOU. TALK. She is simply incredible!!

Okay, now that I have gushed over my girl crush, let me tell you what makes her even more amazing: HER JEWELRY! That is right folks, Mercedes makes awesome jewelry and you should all go to her pages (listed below) and buy all of it. I was honored that she wanted to sit down and talk to me about herself and her art. So here ya go…

So, tell me a little about yourself? My name is Mercedes, I was born and raised in the County of Dade, Florida.  I don’t like to read or watch TV. I have a Ninja Turtle obsession and think I was a mermaid in my past life. My ultimate life goal is to have a sick treehouse with a view and until then, enjoy the journey.

How did you get involved with jewelry design? My Mom loves to create jewelry in her spare time, she got really into beads when I was in middle school and started making buddhist prayer necklaces.  I thought the beads were super cool so I would steal a few at a time. Started my own collection and eventually had a shit ton of beads I wasn’t doing anything but hoarding. Took them along with me to college and eventually got bored one day here in Atlanta and made some bracelets. Made one for a friend as a thank you gift.  It received a lot of attention when she posted it on Instagram and the rest was kind of history.  Opened my Etsy for fun, won Best of Atlanta in Creative Loafing in 2015 and took that as a confirmation to follow my heart.   

Have you always been an artist in some way? I actually just started admitting it this year. Mostly because I can’t draw worth a dime. I can admit I’ve always been creative.

You are also writing a children’s book? What has that experience been like? I have always had the desire to write a kids book since I’ve worked so closely with them my whole life.  As a nanny I read dozens of kids books a week and I just get tired of stories with weak plots, or no plot at all.  I also can’t stand a wordy, lengthy kids book. I’m sure most parents can agree with me on that! I happen to be best friends with an artist, Roger, who specializes in character design. He also happens to be a KICK ASS tattoo artist (visit his site here). Funny story, we would always talk about doing this book, I spent months doing research on writing and publishing, so much that I never got to the actual story.  Roger one day kindly bribed me to sit down and start writing the book saying that he would make my logo for Heart Mercedes.  So that night I did just that. I wrote half the book in a little over an hour. It just kind of poured out. Showed Roger, I couldn’t believe how excited he got (the main characters are his kids that may have had a little something to do with it; they’re awesome).  I finished the book that night. He is currently working on illustrating the book and in the process we lucked out on an opportunity to pilot an animated series. Writing a book has now turned into working on episodes for a plausible series, its been an unbelievable journey with so much work ahead of us.

If you could be any children’s book character yourself, who would you be? Ramona Quimby. I loved reading her books growing up, Ramona happens to be my middle name and I can be a bit of a brat at times, felt like we related well.

What inspires you to create? Everything. Music, people, nature, travel, culture. Life is beautiful, it’s inspiring.

Describe your perfect date? I’m a simple girl. I like thoughtful surprises and random adventures. Bonus points if it’s outdoors with a killer view. The best dates end with ice cream.

Who is your favorite artist? My mom, she approaches life as one big art project, our house, the food she cooks, the garden, and of course in her jewelry.

I ask all of my guests this… what is the shittiest move you have ever made? When I was in 7th grade we had a teacher that no one liked.  She was just always mad! She happened to like me but she was still mean to all my friends.  One day she asked me to fill up her water bottle and my friends saw me at the water fountain asked me whose it was and when I told them it was hers, two of them spit in it. Ah!!!! They shook it up and gave it to her. I watched her drink it and felt like shit. She didn’t get any nicer to say the least. Never told her but even retelling the story I feel like a douche.

Where can readers purchase your designs? I have an Etsy shop but the easiest way to find it is on my websiteHeartMercedes.com

Shameless plug….social media info/website/etc.

@HeartMercedes for my Jewelry on IG. If you want a glimpse at my personal life and all my selfies you can follow @YokoOnoBenzo. Like my facebook page: Shop Heart Mercedes

Every please go and check her out. Follow her journey because she and it are amazing!


The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

Things You Can & Can’t Wear When Breastfeeding

DISCLAIMER: I am incredibly grateful I am that I can breastfeed and that I have a good supply. It saves us SO.MUCH.MONEY! However, that good supply can make things as simple as going out in public a hassle. Finding outfits that make you feel like less of a lump when postpartum is difficult enough, but adding in breast accessibility creates a whole new challenge. So, here we go with things you can’t wear when breastfeeding.


Things you can’t wear when breastfeeding


white tee

One would think that the classic white tee would be an easy go-to, but one would be fucking wrong.  If you leak through, it looks like a very specific wet t-shirt contest and dries into hard, off-colored spots. And every time you look at your baby or hear a baby crying at the store, you will feel the familiar and uncomfortable pressure of a let down.



black tee

Refer to #1, just in black, and way worse. You will have white orbs over your nipples no matter how many breast pads you put in to prevent leakage.






anything tucked

You know the cute “in” style right now with a tee tucked into your jeans/shorts/skirt/wtf-ever. This will not happen because there is absolutely zero ways to look cute and put together when feeding. You are trying to get the fussy baby to stop wiggling and onto your tit without drooling milk all down your shirt and/or belly.



gray anything

No. No we dont. Gray is the worst of all the neutral colors. The second it gets wet (and it always does) you can see it from a mile away. And when it dries into a crust, it still looks wet. There is no winning with gray. Stay away from gray.



crew neck tees

The crew neck makes it impossible to whip out your tit from the top so you have to pull the whole shirt up, offending the world with boobs that have a purpose and a flabby belly yet to be toned (I’m getting to it, okay?)



high necklines

Yeah, keep dreaming sunshine. There is absolutely zero boob access and since you have now become a milk maid, you no longer get to worry about “cute.”






Not gonna happen, girlfrannn. Even going from the smallest of boobs (like my perky lil 32As from before) your boobs will now be far too large to wear these enhancing stripes. Your boobs will be enormous, (like my now 36 DDs. What the fuck, man?)




These are too adorable. No doubt. But bring some duct tape or cable ties because no way is that little bit of lace going to hold in these engorged puppies. And these look far less cute with pads shoved in to try your best to prevent the dreaded leaking.



bras in general

The boulder holder you used to love because it perked you up so nicely will likely no longer fit and will be burdensome. You either have to pull it up over your boob and get squeezed by the underwire or pull the strap off and tuck the cup under your boob to get wet and misshapen.


things you can wear when breastfeeding



I swear, its like every color, shape, material I try there is some downside to it. If you want the easiest of the hard, stick to:


These will give you the best access for a tee. Just make sure it is loose enough to where you wont be able to tell the neckline is stretched out and have something to wear over it because no matter the color, you will have leak spots somewhere.


button downs

You can decide your level of access and can layer to make yourself look presentable. There are tons of styles, patterns and colors.



athletic wear

You can get away with looking a mess because people will think you just worked out (and there is no problem with not correcting them.) There are zips and pockets and the fabric sucks everything in just right. Plus, the special water-wicking-dry-fit-rain-x style bullshit helps leaks from looking too leaky. It spreads it around more and makes it a bit less noticeable.




and finally,


the Mom bun

This is a fucking staple. You can wear it everyday without worry. Throw some dry shampoo in that bitch and call it an “updo.”







So next time you step out, don’t worry about what you wear because you are fucked regardless. Breastfeeding is great, now make the hubs do it and he will finally understand the hour to get ready and the meltdowns.


23 Realistic Maternity Photos From A Shitty Housewife…

Is your biological clock ticking? Are your ovaries on fire? Well they are about to jump out into oncoming traffic. This is what a pregnant woman of a toddler is REALLY thinking during pregnancy…

1.He lied…


2. Best be glad I haven’t stabbed you in your sleep yet…


3. Don’t look at me while I devour this. Just throw food at me and call me pretty…


4. He is drinking for 2 and makes you want a shot even more…


5. Dreaming of the day you can enjoy the soothing burn of tequila once more… 


6. The first meeting of new siblings… 


7. This is going well…


8. #FirstKidProblems


9. I’m in charge of ALL of them? Can’t we just take a nap? Shit, am I missing one?


10. This is great. What the fuck was I thinking? At least I found the other kid. 


11. This bitch over here better get her kids and her lips off my tequila!


12. Nap time. Mommy can’t stand up anymore…


13. Well that’s real fuckin sweet…


14. All I wanted was a hug! Maybe a kiss!


15. Does this kid make my belly look fat? 


16. For all the times he complains about getting no credit. Then the kid pops out looking like his twin…


17. Are you making fun of my weight? Not the best idea, bucky… It’s your turn to push!


18. Let me tell you ’bout my best friend…


19. Just a sip? This swing doesn’t go any damn higher, child!


20. There are many moments of weakness…


21. And many meltdowns… From you AND the toddler…


22. But you aren’t the only one who now has to suffer! He’s stuck with your crazy ass…


23. Ok maybe you are…


24. Just remind him often, YOU DID THIS TO ME!!




The Shitty Housewives and kids

Adding another to the chaos March 2017

Thank you to Steph Kitchens for the photography. To book her services, go here.


Boys will be Boys????? By Ashley Marsh


How many times have we heard this term? Growing up I didn’t give it much thought; even as a young adult I didn’t give it much thought. It wasn’t until I had children of my own did I actually think about this saying and the effects it has on our culture.

Boys will be boys.

What does that really mean?

Does it mean boys/men are expected to be irresponsible, noisy, rude, unpleasant, cruel, or boisterous? Does it mean boys/men will behave badly and it is okay? Does it mean certain things boys/men do is not surprising? Is it an excuse for boys/men to act however they please and get away with it? Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

I now have two children of my own; two boys ages 3 ½ and 1 and I refuse to say this to them or about them. Let’s be honest, kids are fucking hard. Not just boys; not just girls. All kids! When people ask me if I want to try for a girl I will openly admit that I did not want girls, but not for the reason you may think. I don’t feel one gender is easier than the other. My reasoning for not wanting girls is because I can’t do my own hair and makeup so how am I supposed to teach a little girl how to do it! Another reason I never wanted girls was because I always looked up to my Aunt Karen. She has two boys roughly the same age apart as my two boys (2 ½ years between my two) and I have always admired the relationship she built with both her very different boys. Now I know you can do that with any gender, but I look up to her for so many different reasons and always wanted to grow up and be just like her; somethings don’t change no matter how old I get. (Love you Auntie <3)

Anyway, back to raising assholes; boys are not predestined to be assholes. They aren’t predestined to be mean or cruel. We tell them it’s okay to act that way with these types of sayings. I don’t want to raise assholes. I want to raise my children to be respectful, intelligent, kind, and generous adults. The saying ‘boys will be boys’ is simply telling them they don’t have to be any of those things. They don’t have to respect me because ‘boys will be boys.’ They can door poorly in school because ‘boys will be boys.’ They can be rude to other people because ‘boys will be boys.’ They don’t have to respect the word ‘No’ or consent because ‘boys will be boys.’ They do not need to be held accountable for their actions (or sometimes lack there of) because ‘boys will be boys.’

I think you get the point.

Another reason I will not say this to my children is because I do not want to give my children a preconceived view on male and female roles. In my home, I expect my husband to help me with the cooking, cleaning, and other household chores. When my kids get a bit older I will expect them to contribute to the cooking, cleaning, and household chores (I can trust them with) as well. My husband helps with the night time feedings, early morning wake up calls, diaper changes, discipline, and all things ‘kid.’ I expect my boys to contribute as much to their future children as their partner does. I want my children to know they can be sensitive, they can cry if something hurts, but they can also be masculine and strong when they need to be.

If you didn’t catch on by now, you should know I am a feminist. However, that doesn’t make me hate this phrase any more. I would hate it if I was a feminist or not. It definitely doesn’t make me hate men, I love them! Shit, I better; I’m surrounded by them. 🙂

My ultimate goal is to raise my children into two competent adults who respect all genders, races, religions, and people. By letting them off the hook for any wrong doing I am not helping them; I am hindering them. I am setting them up for failure. I am not holding them responsible for their actions. By telling them ‘boys will be boys’ I am telling them they don’t have to worry about their actions or words. They can say and do whatever the fuck they want. They can grow up to be like Brock Turner or Donald Trump because ‘boys will be boys.’ I absolutely refuse to let my children, boy or girl, act like those two imbeciles.

With our current political figures and news stories, we need to change the way we think. We need to stop saying things like ‘boys will be boys.’ We need to raise our children to be better. We need to be better. Our children need and deserve good role models. That is our responsibility as parents. And let’s face it, our kids deserve our best.

And in comes the shitty house wife, how am I supposed to do this? How do we raise our kids to be respectful, intelligent, kind, and generous? Honestly, I have no fucking clue. I’m winging it and secretly hoping my husband has an idea of what he is doing. Any and all tips are appreciated!


We have a one year old! I can’t believe it! Time has blown by us and we are blown away at how much you have grown. You have shown us a love we never knew existed and can’t wait for many more years with you.


Mommy and Mommy love you and can’t wait to see who you become!

It has been a whole year here at The Shitty Housewife and we cannot thank y’all enough for your continued support and your open, warm embrace. We appreciate your reading, your likes, your shares, your stories, and your faces.

Please, download our FREE printable (below) and join us in our Shitty Housewife pride!

Laminate it for your fridge, put it in a frame to use again and again, or give as a gift. Once you have, take a selfie with your filled out checklist and tag @TheShittyHousewife and hashtag #ShittyHousewifeChecklist on Instagram to be entered to win!


DOWNLOAD: shitty-housewife-checklist

Wife explains how she is a Shitty Housewife


I’ll be the first to admit I’m the mean one in the relationship. I’ve always been blunt and outspoken. Especially to when it comes to what I want in a relationship. But, you know, you apparently can teach an old dog new things, like trust.

I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, married for 1 1/2 & I STILL struggle with trust. I’ve always been cheated on before in previous relationships and so I assumed this one would be no different. But it has been. It took my husband about 5 out of those 6 years to win that trust. I always thought when we weren’t together he must be screwing around. Little did I know I was with the sweetest, most genuine man on the planet. Always doing his very best to cater to my needs.

A couple months ago I lost my job. I got my ass fired. My bluntness and being outspoken bit me in my big ass. At first there was relief because I really couldn’t do the best at the place I was at anymore.

Then the panic set in. The sheer holy-shit-what-have-I-done panic. We were never going to make bills. We were going to have to move in with my mom. Panic. I cried for days. I’ve never been in such a deep depression. So I tried to think of what I could do to help out. OH! I can clean the house and make it beautiful and start fixing things up around here. That’s what I can do to help my husband. I can be the best wife I can be while being unemployed (while working little side jobs for a bit of money and looking like crazy for jobs.)

:Enter shitty housewife here:

Although I help my friend’s mom cleaning houses sometimes (and actually do very well with her!) I, apparently, cannot muster up the motivation to do my own. I can see that the bathroom needs a good scrub but actually going to do it is the worst idea I’ve ever heard of. Ever. How do two people make a bathroom so dusty? And all the hair? Sheesh. (Totally my fault, of course.)

It’s now been 3 1/2 months of unemployment and I’m STILL looking for a job. I never knew it would be this hard! I’m still struggling to keep a clean house. I’m still struggling to keep up my end of the bills. But as a old dog I’ve learned many things in the past few months. Who knew that could happen? I’ve learned that marriage is a team. Yes I knew this going into it but I’ve always thought of it as 50/50. But when your partner doesn’t have their 50, you put in more. My husband has been running on a solid 75/25 for a few months now. Not only does he work all day (too much in my opinion) but then he comes home to help me with the chores I haven’t 100% completed AND then makes dinner. (I knew I married a chef for a reason) All the while keeping my spirits up and thanking me for the measly few chores I did get accomplished. Lord help us when we have children. I’ll really have to start learning to be a better housewife. Until then I’ll work on going from shitty to crappy to fine to decently okay and so on.

Guess I better go tackle that damn bathroom…wish me luck.

Jenni Newton