Why My Second Kid Has A Better Mom

Being a second kid can totally suck. You get hand-me-down toys, hand-me-down clothes, and you never really get Mom to yourself. You always have someone picking on you, annoyed by you even though you just wanted to play, someone bigger/stronger/faster than you.

But you know what is awesome about being the second kid? You get a much better mom. Before baby #1, I was terrified but knew I would be a great mom because I read every.single.article. I read every.single.forum. I was in every.single.mom group. Baby #1 got like three baby showers, a perfectly curated nursery, brand new clothes, every teether on the market. I wouldn’t feed non-organic, I wouldn’t put her down if she was crying, I wouldn’t let anyone babysit her. I wouldn’t take time for myself, I wouldn’t let her self soothe, and I wouldn’t let her just do her thing.

Baby #2 didn’t get any of that shit. And honestly, I think he’s better for it. He is still THE happiest baby on this earth and he doesn’t give a shit about any of it. Now this all may change when they get a bit older, since now they are just 3 and 10months, but for now I’m not stressing it. He doesn’t care he has purple sheets. He doesn’t care his toys are his sister’s hand-me-downs bought from Goodwill to begin with. He doesn’t care that I let him eat pepperoni and shredded cheese for lunch.

Baby #2 gets the “cool mom.” She isn’t worried about the tiniest bump on his arm because she knows it is just a mosquito bite, no reason to ask the mom group, go back outside and play. She isn’t helicopter-ing around him as he learns to crawl and walk, she’s just encouraging, knowing there will be a few tumbles. She isn’t staying at home locked away from the world because she wants no one to watch him, he gets to know everyone at the party as he gets passed around and loves it. She isn’t stressed and hating herself and beating herself up because of that one little mistake that Suzie from Facebook would NEVER allow but really doesn’t fucking matter. He ate an m&m, holy shit!

Baby #2 gets to experience more in life. He gets an older sister to inspire, teach, and torture him. He gets the already tired parents willing to let him “just be a kid.” He gets a ton more freedoms off the bat. And he still has parents who freaking love him. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? Teaching them love? For the world, for others, for themselves?

So if you have baby #2 on the way and you’re fucking terrified, shit even baby #1, just let them be. Don’t be so caught up in all the little things you have to do, focus on just being the best mom you can be. That doesn’t mean the laundry will always be done. That doesn’t mean your floors are spotless. That doesn’t mean everyone is always doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. Because after baby #2, none of those things are going to be happening. But you are going to notice all of the little things you didn’t really pay attention to with your first because you were too concerned with what you should be doing.





Why I Did A Boudoir Photoshoot 6 Weeks Postpartum & Why Every Woman Should

So, Facebook groups have become my very favorite thing about Facebook for quite a few months now. There are groups for absolutely EVERYTHING! There are mom groups, toddler groups, sexy groups, relationship groups, and boudoir groups! A girl I barely know added me to a boudoir group months ago as part of a contest. I am an incredibly novice photographer in LOVE with the power of women’s bodies so I happily joined and found the very best group of empowering, uplifting women and even better, there was booties and babes everywhere!

The group is called ERP Boudoir VIP Group and it is run by the amazing Elizabeth Rose Cole, the mommy of 2 who has created this incredible business of making women feel like fucking rockstars. And y’all, she is the sweetest, most down to earth, chill, fun, comforting, badass I have met. So, when I got the chance at a session with her, I fucking jumped on it. The problem was, I had just had my second baby 6 weeks earlier, so I messaged her and she told me everything I needed to her. I expressed to her my concern with my trouble areas like my belly and she told me, “That’s what most women feel uncomfortable with. But you just had a baby! Of course your belly is going to still be healing. I’ll make sure you look like a goddess. 😊” And boy did she!

I want to give y’all a run down of how my session went because it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life!

The night before, I was up so late picking out the most “sexy” stuff I had, if you want to even call it that. Half of the stuff didn’t fit because it was pre-baby#1 so that was a bit upsetting but I just grabbed everything I could find. What was awesome is that she also has a whole wardrobe at the studio to use that she has handpicked for the best photoshoot attire on any body. And since this shoot was for my fiance as well as myself, she encouraged me to get some things that he might be attached to or that he likes on me. I shaved everything, and I mean everything, moisturized out the wazoo and brushed out my hair. I went to bed with excited butterflies.

The next morning I arrived at the studio to a smiling, warm and friendly Elizabeth. I instantly felt calmer with the cool vibe of the studio and the even cooler Spotify playlist echoing through the rooms. She offered me champagne and we went through the clothes I brought with me. I loved it because she was SUPER honest about what she felt would look best on me and translate to the best photos, and I was happy for the feedback! We talked about what I was comfortable with nudity wise and what kind of vibe I wanted for the shoot. She was willing to do everything from no nudity, implied nudity, and complete nudity without me feeling judged with my decision. Soon, makeup artist, Jennifer Chalk arrived  and we got to work! I sat for the most pampering this mama has gotten in years while Elizabeth did the best pin curl hairstyle, and Jennifer gave me  smokey, sultry makeup look. It was so fun and felt like we had known each other for years! It was all girl talk and baby talk and what I have missed while being at home with the babies and no adult conversations.

Once that was done, it was on to the shoot! The butterflies were back but in such an exciting way! What I absolutely loved is all the guidance Elizabeth gave me. She gave me a run down of how the shoot was gonna go, what she was going to say and so, what I needed to keep in mind, and she even showed me each pose so I could see what she meant when she said certain phrases. One I heard a lot was “arch that back! stick the booty out!” And from that first setup, we got my first shot and one of my faves!

The entire time she was checking her camera display and talking me up, telling me how much she loved it, how excited she was, how great I looked and wow did those words of affirmation help! From there we changed outfits, changed positions, changed locations, changed props etc and the shoot flew by without me ever feeling awkward half-naked in front of some chick I just met. Once we finished up with the shoot, I changed back into my “daytime” clothes and hung out while she worked on some of the photos. What I loved is that in just a couple of hours she had the gallery ready for me to look at instead of waiting for weeks, and we were able to look through them together to pick out prints. She has the most amazing selection of matted prints, albums, metal prints, & canvases for every budget. They are all gorgeous and so belong in your hubby’s/wifey’s sight every morning so they can remember how fucking fabulous you really are! Elizabeth kindly sent me some of my  proofs for this blog post and to share with all of her newest fans (y’all!!!)

And notice how I haven’t talked about being 6 weeks postpartum since the beginning? Because I didn’t fucking remember! The whole session I was si comfortable with Elizabeth that I just knew she would make me look fab and there was nothing to worry about and I felt so sexy! And when I got home a few hours later, Nick let me know how sexy I looked, too. (wink, sex, wink) And that confidence has lasted. After seeing myself in a way so different from the every day mom, messy bun, spit up covered, #PJsAllDay image I am so used to seeing in the mirror, I have realized that I can be the sexy woman who Nick always talks about. I can walk with a strut because I am amazing. I can feel good about myself and know that underneath all this that I am a goddess. And I fucking love that outlook on myself. I feel happier, more confident, more motivated, and more capable.

SO all of that being said, you HAVE TO join her group you HAVE TO go check out her website and you HAVE TO get a session done with her. She has just rolled out her newest referrals program so let her know that The Shitty Housewife Nicole sent you and get your booty into her studio. I promise you won’t regret it!


Why We Love: Mercedes Rivera

13312847_10107673365930013_7394803996112528617_nI am so excited to talk to you guys about Mercedes. She is a goddess. She is a queen. She is the coolest chick to ever come into my life. I literally  gaze at her in amazement when she speaks, because everything she says is the epitome of cool… yet she has no clue how fucking cool she really is, which, again, makes her the coolest chick ever. If you are lucky enough to meet Mercedes a few things go through your brain.

First off, you truly feel like you have just met a fairy. A real life, wings about to come out of her shoulder blades, glittery fairy.

Secondly, within seconds, you realize, “Wow, I think I am talking to the most genuine human to ever exist.

And lastly you think, “Did I just make a new best friend?” because she makes you feel that special. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. YOU. TALK. She is simply incredible!!

Okay, now that I have gushed over my girl crush, let me tell you what makes her even more amazing: HER JEWELRY! That is right folks, Mercedes makes awesome jewelry and you should all go to her pages (listed below) and buy all of it. I was honored that she wanted to sit down and talk to me about herself and her art. So here ya go…

So, tell me a little about yourself? My name is Mercedes, I was born and raised in the County of Dade, Florida.  I don’t like to read or watch TV. I have a Ninja Turtle obsession and think I was a mermaid in my past life. My ultimate life goal is to have a sick treehouse with a view and until then, enjoy the journey.

How did you get involved with jewelry design? My Mom loves to create jewelry in her spare time, she got really into beads when I was in middle school and started making buddhist prayer necklaces.  I thought the beads were super cool so I would steal a few at a time. Started my own collection and eventually had a shit ton of beads I wasn’t doing anything but hoarding. Took them along with me to college and eventually got bored one day here in Atlanta and made some bracelets. Made one for a friend as a thank you gift.  It received a lot of attention when she posted it on Instagram and the rest was kind of history.  Opened my Etsy for fun, won Best of Atlanta in Creative Loafing in 2015 and took that as a confirmation to follow my heart.   

Have you always been an artist in some way? I actually just started admitting it this year. Mostly because I can’t draw worth a dime. I can admit I’ve always been creative.

You are also writing a children’s book? What has that experience been like? I have always had the desire to write a kids book since I’ve worked so closely with them my whole life.  As a nanny I read dozens of kids books a week and I just get tired of stories with weak plots, or no plot at all.  I also can’t stand a wordy, lengthy kids book. I’m sure most parents can agree with me on that! I happen to be best friends with an artist, Roger, who specializes in character design. He also happens to be a KICK ASS tattoo artist (visit his site here). Funny story, we would always talk about doing this book, I spent months doing research on writing and publishing, so much that I never got to the actual story.  Roger one day kindly bribed me to sit down and start writing the book saying that he would make my logo for Heart Mercedes.  So that night I did just that. I wrote half the book in a little over an hour. It just kind of poured out. Showed Roger, I couldn’t believe how excited he got (the main characters are his kids that may have had a little something to do with it; they’re awesome).  I finished the book that night. He is currently working on illustrating the book and in the process we lucked out on an opportunity to pilot an animated series. Writing a book has now turned into working on episodes for a plausible series, its been an unbelievable journey with so much work ahead of us.

If you could be any children’s book character yourself, who would you be? Ramona Quimby. I loved reading her books growing up, Ramona happens to be my middle name and I can be a bit of a brat at times, felt like we related well.

What inspires you to create? Everything. Music, people, nature, travel, culture. Life is beautiful, it’s inspiring.

Describe your perfect date? I’m a simple girl. I like thoughtful surprises and random adventures. Bonus points if it’s outdoors with a killer view. The best dates end with ice cream.

Who is your favorite artist? My mom, she approaches life as one big art project, our house, the food she cooks, the garden, and of course in her jewelry.

I ask all of my guests this… what is the shittiest move you have ever made? When I was in 7th grade we had a teacher that no one liked.  She was just always mad! She happened to like me but she was still mean to all my friends.  One day she asked me to fill up her water bottle and my friends saw me at the water fountain asked me whose it was and when I told them it was hers, two of them spit in it. Ah!!!! They shook it up and gave it to her. I watched her drink it and felt like shit. She didn’t get any nicer to say the least. Never told her but even retelling the story I feel like a douche.

Where can readers purchase your designs? I have an Etsy shop but the easiest way to find it is on my websiteHeartMercedes.com

Shameless plug….social media info/website/etc.

@HeartMercedes for my Jewelry on IG. If you want a glimpse at my personal life and all my selfies you can follow @YokoOnoBenzo. Like my facebook page: Shop Heart Mercedes

Every please go and check her out. Follow her journey because she and it are amazing!


The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

Things You Can & Can’t Wear When Breastfeeding

DISCLAIMER: I am incredibly grateful I am that I can breastfeed and that I have a good supply. It saves us SO.MUCH.MONEY! However, that good supply can make things as simple as going out in public a hassle. Finding outfits that make you feel like less of a lump when postpartum is difficult enough, but adding in breast accessibility creates a whole new challenge. So, here we go with things you can’t wear when breastfeeding.


Things you can’t wear when breastfeeding


white tee

One would think that the classic white tee would be an easy go-to, but one would be fucking wrong.  If you leak through, it looks like a very specific wet t-shirt contest and dries into hard, off-colored spots. And every time you look at your baby or hear a baby crying at the store, you will feel the familiar and uncomfortable pressure of a let down.



black tee

Refer to #1, just in black, and way worse. You will have white orbs over your nipples no matter how many breast pads you put in to prevent leakage.






anything tucked

You know the cute “in” style right now with a tee tucked into your jeans/shorts/skirt/wtf-ever. This will not happen because there is absolutely zero ways to look cute and put together when feeding. You are trying to get the fussy baby to stop wiggling and onto your tit without drooling milk all down your shirt and/or belly.



gray anything

No. No we dont. Gray is the worst of all the neutral colors. The second it gets wet (and it always does) you can see it from a mile away. And when it dries into a crust, it still looks wet. There is no winning with gray. Stay away from gray.



crew neck tees

The crew neck makes it impossible to whip out your tit from the top so you have to pull the whole shirt up, offending the world with boobs that have a purpose and a flabby belly yet to be toned (I’m getting to it, okay?)



high necklines

Yeah, keep dreaming sunshine. There is absolutely zero boob access and since you have now become a milk maid, you no longer get to worry about “cute.”






Not gonna happen, girlfrannn. Even going from the smallest of boobs (like my perky lil 32As from before) your boobs will now be far too large to wear these enhancing stripes. Your boobs will be enormous, (like my now 36 DDs. What the fuck, man?)




These are too adorable. No doubt. But bring some duct tape or cable ties because no way is that little bit of lace going to hold in these engorged puppies. And these look far less cute with pads shoved in to try your best to prevent the dreaded leaking.



bras in general

The boulder holder you used to love because it perked you up so nicely will likely no longer fit and will be burdensome. You either have to pull it up over your boob and get squeezed by the underwire or pull the strap off and tuck the cup under your boob to get wet and misshapen.


things you can wear when breastfeeding



I swear, its like every color, shape, material I try there is some downside to it. If you want the easiest of the hard, stick to:


These will give you the best access for a tee. Just make sure it is loose enough to where you wont be able to tell the neckline is stretched out and have something to wear over it because no matter the color, you will have leak spots somewhere.


button downs

You can decide your level of access and can layer to make yourself look presentable. There are tons of styles, patterns and colors.



athletic wear

You can get away with looking a mess because people will think you just worked out (and there is no problem with not correcting them.) There are zips and pockets and the fabric sucks everything in just right. Plus, the special water-wicking-dry-fit-rain-x style bullshit helps leaks from looking too leaky. It spreads it around more and makes it a bit less noticeable.




and finally,


the Mom bun

This is a fucking staple. You can wear it everyday without worry. Throw some dry shampoo in that bitch and call it an “updo.”







So next time you step out, don’t worry about what you wear because you are fucked regardless. Breastfeeding is great, now make the hubs do it and he will finally understand the hour to get ready and the meltdowns.


Happy National Joe Day!!!

Like for real, this is a thing. National Joe Day! And I do celebrate, because why the heck not, right??!! The name Joe has a little bit of special meaning to me….when it comes to my sexual past, I have experienced two Joe’s. Both very attractive and fun! But it is such a simple name, with so many possibilities. And SO many hot guys from across the board with this name! So today, when you are masturbating, let a Joe pop into your head and celebrate today! Go Joe!

38 Things Your Realize By The TimeYou Turn 38….My Annual Birthday List

  1. Life is so fast
  2. Life is so long
  3. You will never wake up and feel completely accomplished (set goals people)
  4. Your body truly does get worn down as you age
  5. Being tired is never an excuse anymore (because you are always freaking tired)
  6. Having different opinions from people you love is a GOOD thing
  7. Politics are very important
  8. High School seems like 5 years ago
  9. You don’t need to shave your legs all that much
  10. Sex is sexier
  11. Hangovers last 4 days
  12. 90210 will always be better than any show to ever come out in your lifetime
  13. Boy Bands will always make you dance
  14. Sex is so much more quality than quantity
  15. Kissing will always make you giddy
  16. Wrinkles happen…..just accept it (especially for those of us who can’t afford $500 wrinkle cream or plastic surgery) AGING HAPPENS, IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS
  17. Feeling embarassed so silly
  18. The idea of “When I am that age….” goes out the fucking window. Shit will happen when it is suppose to happen
  19. You will never have enough money
  20. You will never use long division
  21. Being a student at this age BLOWS
  22. You now know who your one and only true friends are (and they are the fucking shit)
  23. Cheese Dip will be the best tasting thing always and forever
  24. Losing weight gets harder and harder and harder every damn year
  25. Your sexual history is nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of your past, think of all the awesome stories you have!
  26. Justin Timberlake will always be the sexiest man….ever
  27. You stop thinking, ‘What’s going to happen next?’ and start thinking “What is happening right now?’
  28. It is officially confirmed at this age that laughter is the best medicine
  29. Dancing is the best feeling (besides an orgasm)
  30. There is so much uncalled for hate in the world that you can’t fix
  31. Animals are so much smarter than us humans
  32. Going to bed is more exciting than going out
  33. All that talk about eating right, drinking water and working out was right….you should do all those things much more
  34. Having your coffee programmed to brew before you wake up is vital for a successful morning
  35. You will never believe you are actually as old as you are
  36. Hands jobs are the greatest
  37. Mascara can not be black enough
  38. Life is a hell of a good time, so enjoy it at all ages and make the most memories you can.

Well, Happy Birthday to me. I can not believe I am 38. It sounds insane coming out of my mouth. And as scared as I am to turn this age, I will welcome it (I mean, I have no other options.) I am lucky to have had 38 years to make the most of this amazing life journey….fingers crossed I get 38 more! Cheers!


The Shitty Housewife



23 Realistic Maternity Photos From A Shitty Housewife…

Is your biological clock ticking? Are your ovaries on fire? Well they are about to jump out into oncoming traffic. This is what a pregnant woman of a toddler is REALLY thinking during pregnancy…

1.He lied…


2. Best be glad I haven’t stabbed you in your sleep yet…


3. Don’t look at me while I devour this. Just throw food at me and call me pretty…


4. He is drinking for 2 and makes you want a shot even more…


5. Dreaming of the day you can enjoy the soothing burn of tequila once more… 


6. The first meeting of new siblings… 


7. This is going well…


8. #FirstKidProblems


9. I’m in charge of ALL of them? Can’t we just take a nap? Shit, am I missing one?


10. This is great. What the fuck was I thinking? At least I found the other kid. 


11. This bitch over here better get her kids and her lips off my tequila!


12. Nap time. Mommy can’t stand up anymore…


13. Well that’s real fuckin sweet…


14. All I wanted was a hug! Maybe a kiss!


15. Does this kid make my belly look fat? 


16. For all the times he complains about getting no credit. Then the kid pops out looking like his twin…


17. Are you making fun of my weight? Not the best idea, bucky… It’s your turn to push!


18. Let me tell you ’bout my best friend…


19. Just a sip? This swing doesn’t go any damn higher, child!


20. There are many moments of weakness…


21. And many meltdowns… From you AND the toddler…


22. But you aren’t the only one who now has to suffer! He’s stuck with your crazy ass…


23. Ok maybe you are…


24. Just remind him often, YOU DID THIS TO ME!!




The Shitty Housewives and kids

Adding another to the chaos March 2017

Thank you to Steph Kitchens for the photography. To book her services, go here.


Why you should talk shit to people…


Being “nice” has created quite an issue in our society. I am not talking PC here, because that’s not what creates the biggest change in the world. What changes the world is how we talk to each other. How we interact and deal with each other. How we tolerate each other.

I say fuck being politically correct and here is why.

It used to be that kids could play down the street without a parents eyes on them at all seconds. My mom could rest easy knowing that someone is there to help if something happens. And my mom could whoop my friends’ asses as well as mine if she caught us doing some bullshit (and best believe she did.) Now, a parent wont tell a kid to get out of the damn street when cars are coming in fear that another parent will get upset, or because kids just aren’t outside in the world anymore…

It used to be that when you were having a house party, you go talk to the neighbors and give them a heads up and the open invitation to let us know if we got too rowdy. Now, a party gets a little loud and the cops show up at your door and your neighbors hide behind their blinds to avoid confrontation.

It used to be that when your neighbor ties his dog up outside and it barks incessantly, you would go talk to them and try to find a good solution for the dog and the owners where everyone was safe and happy. Now, animal control shows up with a citation but not more, a rescue warrior steals the dog, and the neighbors just get a new one to start the cycle again.

I read a story the other day that a woman was getting out of her car at her apartment complex and slipped on wet brick and broke her arm. Her first thought was to hire a lawyer to sue the complex. She never told the manager of the complex, never asked them to fix the issue or give her a deal on rent while she was out of work, nothing. She just lawyered the hell up. What do you think they did when they got that fancy letterhead? They lawyered the hell up right back at her and won. Now they have this shitty tenant-landlord relationship and zero mutual respect. Now they will feel the need to constantly be on the defensive and may not give any other tenant any kind of slack or help to protect themselves.

I’m not saying that there aren’t new issues that have arisen that create a more difficult road to relationship recovery, but shit, man. What happened to us talking to each other before bringing in higher authority? When did we become so afraid of dealing with our fellow humans that we felt the need for a mediator? This is what is wrong with the world today. We aren’t dealing with each other as neighbors, coworkers, parents, friends, family, human beings. We are expecting someone else to take care of it for us. Whether it be for our protection or theirs, it is bullshit.

I’m not going to go as far to say ‘snitches get stitches’ but snitches get under my damn skin and create a really difficult to navigate world. We need to start handling our shit like adults again and come together as a community like it used to be. You don’t like someone? That’s fine, but don’t get petty and snide. You don’t agree with someone? That’s fine, but don’t expect them to change their views to make you happy. Your kid beating on someone? That’s fine, wait, no it’s not. Come on over, Barbara, let’s chat over margaritas.