TGIF and I freaking mean that this week. We survived week one with a kid in school and I have never been more excited to see the weekend. Except that I have to work tonight and Matt in the morning. But we have a weekend of fun so I can breath again. But before all of that I need to call myself out on my shittiest move this week. Here we go.
I know that all I have talked about this week is Viv starting school. Huge deal right?! But I realized after the first two days that I have made this week all about me. So much so I actually said (well shouted) those actually words to my 3 year old son. He was crying as we dropped her off, then started crying about wanting a new toy and I was having a moment. Or at least trying to have a moment. I wanted to watch her walk away. Watch her go and all I could focus on was him being cranky Kellen (his nick name.) She asked me to take him out of the school. She said she was good. I was so proud, but so sad. Like I felt so bad not being able to focus on her and her moment (well, my moment.) So as we walked home and he kept crying and complaining I shouted “Kellen, you ruined this morning for me” and some more things I am too shitty to admit. It didn’t really phase him. But as the day went on I saw how much he wasn’t ready for her to start school. He missed her and he didn’t know what to do without her. And the tantrum he was throwing was just confusion and worry about her not being near him all day like he is so accustom to.
It took me awhile to figure it out though. And as he tantrumed, well, I tantrumed back. I wanted to be the one crying. I wanted to be allowed to feel all the feels of a kid heading off to school. I wanted a moment and when you have multiple kids, well, you don’t get that. Well, maybe you do if you have a nanny or something, but not here. We will one day get to feel everything, but just not now. We as adults, just have to suck it up and move on.
Like right now, as I try to complete this, he is crying about getting a new toy (Viv told him I would buy him one today……WTF.) Anyway, my shittiest move is being a bitch to my toddler so I could be a big baby. Not logical, but hey am I ever????
The Shitty Housewife