Category: Daily Shit

Tomato Pie

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So my garden has been AMAZING and out of control. We have more tomatoes and peppers than we know what to do with, hence Tomato Pie. Matt has requested this for awhile and since I have too many tomatoes, I decided it was time. I found some recipes but thought I would spice mine up a bit. Here ya go!!!

INGREDIENTS:

Tomatoes, pie crust, mayo, salt and pepper, ham, onions and peppers, shredded cheddar cheese and basil.20160803_170436_HDR

Step One:

Slice tomatoes and set in colander. I only did this for 10 minutes. I really wished I would have set them on paper towels for about an hour. Salt them for extra flavor. 20160803_170937_HDR

StepTwo:

Diced up everything. Onions, ham, basil and peppers. I am growing tons of different kinds so I did a variety of bell, havasu and banana. You can use any kind you like!20160803_172230_HDR

Step Three:

Let the tantruming begin

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Step Four:

Layer tomatoes, ham, basil, onion and pepper in pie crust.

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Step Five:

Mix 2 cups of cheddar and 1 cup of mayo together

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Step Six:

Look at a messy play room….AGAIN

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Step Six:

Spread cheese/mayo mixture on top of pie.

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Step Seven:

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes!

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You guys, this was SO good. We ate the entire pie that night. I was so surprised how good it was. And you could skip the ham and make it vegetarian. You could put whatever in there. We all loved it…..well not all……

 

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Shittiest Move of the Week

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TGIF and I freaking mean that this week. We survived week one with a kid in school and I have never been more excited to see the weekend. Except that I have to work tonight and Matt in the morning. But we have a weekend of fun so I can breath again. But before all of that I need to call myself out on my shittiest move this week. Here we go.

I know that all I have talked about this week is Viv starting school. Huge deal right?! But I realized after the first two days that I have made this week all about me. So much so I actually said (well shouted) those actually words to my 3 year old son. He was crying as we dropped her off, then started crying about wanting a new toy and I was having a moment. Or at least trying to have a moment. I wanted to watch her walk away. Watch her go and all I could focus on was him being cranky Kellen (his nick name.) She asked me to take him out of the school. She said she was good. I was so proud, but so sad. Like I felt so bad not being able to focus on her and her moment (well, my moment.) So as we walked home and he kept crying and complaining I shouted “Kellen, you ruined this morning for me” and some more things I am too shitty to admit. It didn’t really phase him. But as the day went on I saw how much he wasn’t ready for her to start school. He missed her and he didn’t know what to do without her. And the tantrum he was throwing was just confusion and worry about her not being near him all day like he is so accustom to.

It took me awhile to figure it out though. And as he tantrumed, well, I tantrumed back. I wanted to be the one crying. I wanted to be allowed to feel all the feels of a kid heading off to school. I wanted a moment and when you have multiple kids, well, you don’t get that. Well, maybe you do if you have a nanny or something, but not here. We will one day get to feel everything, but just not now. We as adults, just have to suck it up and move on.

Like right now, as I try to complete this, he is crying about getting a new toy (Viv told him I would buy him one today……WTF.) Anyway, my shittiest move is being a bitch to my toddler so I could be a big baby. Not logical, but hey am I ever????

Happy Friday,

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

She Starts School

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My daughter, my first born, my first baby starts school tomorrow. 5 days a week. All day. She will no longer be at home full time with me. Swallowing this information has been exceptionally harder than I could have ever imagined.

I have spent over 4 years side by side with Viviane. And prior to that, 9 months growing her inside my body. Yes, I have worked, gone out of town, been away from her. But this feels different. My day in day out buddy will be spending her days elsewhere. A place that will not be my side.

How do I do it? How do I walk her into a classroom full of kids and adults I barely know and leave her? How do I trust them? How do I trust the work I have done with her? How do I know I have done all I should have done to mold her into a kid ready for school? How do I do this??

I have been asking myself these questions and a million more since I signed her up months ago. The truth is, she IS ready. She needs this. She will love it and thrive. Her imagination will get to be nurtured all day in an environment dedicated to it. And yes, we are dedicated to her growth here at home, but we also have her brothers, work, school, chores, blogs and a million other things going on. Full time school for Viv will be perfect. She will adore it……I, well, I am a little worried about myself.

I have so many fears as a parent. I have been exposed to so many horror stories just watching the news. I know what is out there. Heartbreak. Sadness. Cruelty. But she does not. She is so innocent and unaware of the realities of this world. She lives in a world filled with acceptance, love, kindness and happiness. And I am so afraid to see that go away. I am so afraid to see her get hurt and see that innocence chip away. I want her to remain completely unaware of how cruel this world can be. I want to hold that burden for her as long as humanly possible. And watching her walk through the doors at a new school where I am not going to be makes me so scared that the burden will begin to slowly affect her.

Parenting is such a crazy roller coaster. You want to set them free and have experience, yet we want to be there and protect. We want our time to finish our shit but we never want them to not be around. We birth these babies, fight like dogs to get them eating and sleeping and destroy our bodies making sure they are okay, then we send them away to someone else to teach them……well everything. I know they are always learning from home and learning from us and family, it just all seems so odd. I know it only seems odd because I am in the thick of it. I am experiencing the very first ever “letting go” moment of my parenting career. Matt and I crafted a life where daycare was not needed. And here we are. Sending our sweet baby off. It hurts. A good hurt, but it still hurts.

So to all of you that have done this before please tell me it gets easier. Everyday, every child, every letting go situation. For now I will lie to myself and say it will. It is the only thing that will get me through tomorrow. I will be brave, strong and proud for her. Because I know I did do all that I could and that she is brave, strong and proud for herself.

 

Eric Taylor and Michelle Pfeiffer

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BACK TO SCHOOL EDITION…….

Welp, it is that time of year. BACK TO SCHOOL! Grab your trapper keep and back pack (although nowadays it is more like grab your ipad and roller luggage.) So since this week marks the first day of some bells ringing, I thought for this Masturbation Monday I would feature actors who have played the role of teacher in a very sexy way.

Eric Taylor from ‘Friday Night Lights’ and Michelle Pfeiffer from ‘Dangerous Minds’

Although I never watched Eric in this particular role, I have heard he NAILED it. And nothing is hotter than a coach who cares about his students, works hard for his family and who can blow a whistle in all the right ways. Michelle, although as of late, has changed her looks a bit, is beautiful. But she worked that shit in Dangerous Minds. Coolio wasn’t the only one who boomed after that movie. She was raw, rough and tough. Something we all like to think about when we are enjoying our Monday time!

So happy back to class. If you have time to rub on out before first period, then I hope it is to these two! Now hurry up….I don’t want to cause anyone detention!

 

Shittiest Move of the Week

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So as I wrap up my writing about my vacation, I thought I would end it with a bang. Of course I was shitty on vacation. OF COURSE!!!!! I mean, I am The Shitty Housewife, it is to be expected right?!

So it wasn’t anything that terrible, and I think a lot of people could relate. Vacation with kids can be stressful. A different environment, a new place to sleep, people spoiling you all over the place. But for some reason, I was extra tense this week. I could not relax, no matter how hard I tried. And I was TRYING! And I was trying so hard, I turned into an edgy, tense, feisty bitch. Like big time. I was constantly snapping at the kids, rolling my eyes, and staring at the clock waiting for bedtime. One night, I was so over it, I put the baby to bed at 5:30 (that is about 3 hours early for him.) I just couldn’t.

I think in my head I had this idea of them chilling out on vacation. But instead they turned into rampaging, party animals. Even more so then they are at home. Look it all worked out and everyone survived, but not without some mommy meltdowns in between. Matt had to tell me to calm down numerous times. And after we landed back home, walked to baggage claim, strolled by an airport store selling cute kid luggage and my daughter said “Mommy, I want that travel bag” I glared back and stated “No need, we are never traveling again.” I realized that I was the one making things tenser than they needed to be. It is vacation, let it go. Blow of steam. Care less, right?!

Welp, better luck next time………if there is ever a next time.

Open-Faced Spicy Chicken Sandwich

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After the tragedy in Nice, France yesterday, I started looking through my photo albums from the times I was there in high school (THANKS MOM & DAD!) I remembered all the beauty, the love, the flowers, the cobblestone streets, the art, the Champs Elysees, and oh my god the FOOD!

Every meal was an event and while each meal wasn’t huge, they were always filling, I never felt
full, and I lost like 15lbs from just walking and eating properly. But it never felt like I was eating “healthy” just eating GOOD! So, I saw this photo of the Croque Monsieur  I had while I was there and tried to find stuff to make it.
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Originally, it is like a grilled cheese with ham on the inside and more cheese melted on top with a nice bed of greens on the side. But I didn’t have ham, or normal bread, because why would I have these normal staples in my house?

So! I used what I had and It turned out delicious and SO easy!

Ingredients:

-Italian Garlic Herb Bread Loaf (ALWAYS check the sale racks at walmart, I got multiple loafs for $0.47 and put some in the freezer for later

-Mozzarella cheese, shredded or slices

-Jalapeño & Habañero Pepper Jack cheese slices (I saw this Great Value brand and had to get it)

-1 large chicken breast ( I’m talking this chick was a DD)

-Paprika (I’m Hungarian so I put that shit on everything)

-Salad- spring mix or spinach

-Buffalo sauce (*optional- depending on degree of spice you want)

-Ranch dressing (*optional- my boyfriend will be a 2 year old and refuse to eat if it touches his food)

Directions:
  1. Slice bread into inch wide slices. Preheat oven to 350ishOpen Faced Chicken Sammie (1 of 7)
  2. Slice and cook chicken in pan with olive oil, garlic, and paprika. I put some buffalo sauce into my chicken for an extra spiceOpen Faced Chicken Sammie (2 of 7)
  3. While you are shredding your chicken, put your bread in the oven sprinkled with your mozzarella cheese to melt, only 5-7 minutesOpen Faced Chicken Sammie (3 of 7)
  4. Top your melted cheesy bread with your chicken and slices of the Jalapeño & Habañero Pepper Jack cheese slices and return to oven. Bake for 5-10 minutes and then broil for 3-4minutes.Open Faced Chicken Sammie (5 of 7)
  5. Plate and top with your salad and a drizzle of ranch if you like Open Faced Chicken Sammie (6 of 7)
  6. Eat and enjoy!Open Faced Chicken Sammie (7 of 7)
Let us know what you think! And if you make it, send us photos!

Shittiest Move of the Week

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So this week, my worst move involves being shitty to you. Well, 60 of you. See, I was asked to host an Atlanta screening of the new movie Bad Moms. So cool right?! I was so honored, thrilled, stoked, excited!!! I’m annoucing it and you guys are loving it. Scoring your tickets, getting to see the movie DAYS before anyone else…for FREE. We all scored! Then I realized something not so cool……

I am not going to be in Atlanta on July 21st. Yep, we are taking our very first vacation since the baby (who is now 17 months!) to be with Matts parents for their 40th anniversary in New Hampshire. BUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys I am so sorry. I know you guys will still have so much fun with me. And my girl Nicole, will be there AND I will be skyped in so I will be there VIRTUALLY. But it still sucks. I was trying to finagle something,like a quick flight back for the night, but that shit just isn’t going to happen.

But you guys still get the theater! All my Shitty Housewives out there, all 60 of you who claimed tickets!!!! You get to still see the movie before everyone else. And you get to see it ON me.

My deepest apologizes for not being there. But it is kinda perfect….The Shitty Housewife not showing up for her own event???!!! What could be more shittier?!

Thursday Thoughts

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This blog has really become a very good mirror for me. I am really diving into how I see myself, how I envison my life and my expectations of myself and others. In the beginning, I was confused on where I was going with it. I am sure many of you could sense that. My posts were all over the place. I was trying to make it fit some mold or something. But lately, I have been just going with my gut and really just trying to get more comoftable with writing.

I have always been a pretty confident women. Once I realized I was actually a women, I owned that shit. I will say this, as some women experience the opposite, I became less confident AFTER I had children. It was weird, I had always nailed the momless life. Like I was really good at it. Had a ton of friends, a great social life, active in the community, had my own business….I was good. Then this role of mom came along and I was stumped. I lost a lot of confidence. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was always comparing myself to others, which I had not done since high school. I was questioning my looks, my body, my everything. At a time when I thought I should have been on top of the world, I was drowning in self loathing.

I never really spoke to anyone about it. Not even Matt. Although on many, many occasions, he would say things like “Why are you beating youself up?” and “Jan, you are the most confident girl I have ever met, what is happening?” And “Stop hating on yourself.” He has notcied the changed. And no matter how amazing and compliementary a man can be, it truly is how you feel about you that builds confidence.

But lately, I feel like I am getting to feel that confidence back a bit. And I really think some has to do with this blog. I feel like I am kinda finding a new groove with this whole honest about momming thing. And yes, I do call myself The Shitty Housewife and I actually am the shittiest HOUSEwife ever, but I am a fucking bad ass wife. I may not clean the house, cook the greatest meals or fold laundry all day, but you know what I do, and well (besides bj’s….) I love the shit out of my husband. I adore his entire being. I try to light him up every time he looks my way, just like he does for me. I waited a long ass time to find someone so special to deserve and embrace my love fully and now that I found it, I fucking treasure it. And by him letting me love him the way I want too, I have gained some of that confidence I lost. The moment he made me his wife, I dropped every wall imaginable and gave myself to him and he loves it. And knowing he loves it makes me more confident in my being.

And as far as my confidence in being a mom is considered, it will get better. It has gotten better. I am more open about my fears and concerns and the reality of the way I parent. I am not a bad mom because I let my kids watch TV. I am not a bad mom because they hear me say the word shit. I am not a bad mom because I make them have a clean plate if they want dessert. I am not a bad mom because I say no to them. These are my rules and others may not agree, but it doesn’t make me or any other parent bad.

Confidence is a funny thing. It comes and goes. It makes you feel like a queen or like a cockroach depending on the day. I will say this though, this blog has changed me. I feel better about life because of it. I love being honest and not scared. I love being funny and not worried about feelings. I love having people say “ME TOO!!!” So thank you guys. And the more I write and reach out, the more ideas for new segments pop into my head….or maybe that is just the mild buzz I have….

Anyway, just some random thoughts for ya. Keep in classy Thursday…and keep your chin up!

 

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Kinky Wife=Happy Life

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So as some of you read in my many posts, Matt and I are taking a sexual vacation. Like not a full on no fooling around, but no, well how do I say this in a non vulgar way….no final finish. Well, yes there is a final finish but not in the traditional way most couple do. I am so close to getting these tubes burned off and I know, I just know that we will have some sort of accident due to our track record. And although I deeply love my children, three is plenty. So thanks to our American laws, I have a waiting period to make sure I am really ready for this, and due to my body rejecting birth control and his super sperm….well we are back to dry humping.

But listen, not just sticking it in and getting off has made our sex life that much better. I am not one to complain about sex. One thing I realized quickly after meeting my husband was our sexual compatabilty. He likes it just as much as I do and knows how important it is in a relationship. Suprisingly, not everyone feels that way. Some people can go weeks, months, years without it and be fine. But when I am in a relationship, I have always expected it. Like, that is one of the major benefits of being in a relationship….you get laid!!!! But sex isn’t everyone’s top 3 priorities when commited. It is for both of us. It separates our relationship from our relationship with others, it keeps us close and it is the one thing that we ONLY share with EACH OTHER. As cheesy as it sounds, that shit is special.

So after awhile sex can become the same routine. You know what the other likes, how to get them off, what makes the final finish happen. But we have taken that away from each other until I am sterile and man has it been INCREDIBLE. Like we are like high schoolers….dry humping and all!! You forget how excited you can get. You forget how sweet it can be. You forget body parts that can tingle. I swear, we are kinkier and freakier than ever and penetration is not the focus! I am sure it will get old soon, but for right now I am enjoying the crap out of it. I can honestly say, even though our sex life since marriage has been in full swing, it has even gotten better.

So I am urging all of you to be teenagers in between the sheets for a bit. Although it is no 50 Shades of Grey, it is a fucking blast. No worries of babies either! Lord knows that makes shit all the more exciting for this Shitty Housewife.

Alexander Skarsgard and Welp, Just Him

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So I began this Masturbation Monday knowing I was choosing Alexander. It was a hard job searching for phots of him, which then lead to Youtube videos, which then lead too….welp masturbating. Picking a women to pair with this one was not happening. Alexander is a God amongst men. He is actually a God amongst everyone. He deserves his own day. His own space. His own aknowledgement.

I first saw him on True Blood and although he was hot, he was on a show filled with hot guys. But as the show went on, his hottness just exploded, while everyone else stayed the same. By the end, just hearing his voice or seeing that one raised eyebrow made my entire body shiver. I wanted him to do bad things to me constantly.

Fast forward till now. He is Tarzan……..fucking Tarzan and apparently nude like the whole movie. I am hoping to see this movie soon and ALONE. Just me and Mr. Skarsgard and his pure utter sexiness.

My apologies for not having a girl this week. He is just too much and would overshadow anyone. So enjoy this ladies and gents…this guy should make this week much better than last.