Category: Daily Shit

Perfect is better with Imperfections

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So being a wife means dealing with another human being forever. And not in a “you are my kid, so I HAVE to deal.” But a “you are my husband, so I CHOSE to deal.” No one forces you to get married. Sadly, sometimes ultimatums are givens and people say they felt forced, but they are stupid and should have stood up for themselves. No one FORCES marriage on you. And if they start to…leave them now. You will be unhappy and end up divorced. Anyway, when Matt and I decided to take our relationship to the legally committed stage, I committed to him fully. For all of the great and all of the not so great. And in every relationship there are a lot of both. Let’s face it. No one is perfect, except for Justin Timberlake. So when we get married, we marry someone’s perfections and imperfections.

I think Matt is perfect……for me. Although his imperfections make him even better. Sure there are plenty of things he does that make me crazy. When he gets out of the shower, without fail, it looks like he had a fight with the water. And the water wins, every time. He always says he isn’t fussy about what he wants to eat, but like, he is the fussiest. When he deep cleans the house, he throws man tantrums. And I know I have my things that make him nuts. I am a mess. Like I don’t know how to deep clean. I let the kids eat in the car, no matter how many times he says they shouldn’t. I forget….EVERYTHING. But even though he hates those things, he still loves me.

Matt will tell anyone exactly how he feels, no filter ever, and not feel the least bit bad about it. People think he can be brass or rude, but to him, he is honest and real and I LOVE that about him. People think I take on too much and try to accomplish to many things and get worried about me. He LOVES that I am that way. We loves those qualities about ourselves and did not want to change them to be in a perfect relationship, so we accepted them and now adore these things.

No one will change. Whatever imperfections bug you now about someone will only bug you worse as the years pass. Your tolerance for that THING won’t get better. Matt’s shower/water fiasco that happens on a daily basis will just piss me off more and more as we age. But I know that. Before we married I accepted all the imperfections of this man and devoted myself to dealing with them in the most pleasant way possible (an eye roll, maybe a middle finger behind his back….)

No marriage is perfect. But you don’t stop because of imperfections. The perfect marriage is two people who are imperfect and refuse to give up on each other. Matt and I have the most perfect marriage for us. It is full of love, laughter, loyalty and an endless amount of imperfections.

Ian Somerhadler & Taylor Swift

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This week is all about the pussy. And I am not talking about vaginas….for once. I am talking about cats. I got one this weekend and I am slightly obsessed. He is the cutest kitty ever and I am glad I have a home for him, rather then him being put down. So this Masturbation Monday is dedicated to celebs who love their kitties. Ian and Taylor may not be #1 on your list, but they are hardcore kitty owners who are also insanely attractive. Say what you will about Tay Tay, but she is adorable and Ian….those eyes….melt. And they love a pussy…need I say more!!!!

Shittiest Move of the Week

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So school started up this week for me. SUCKS!!!! Especially because the whole repeating a class bullshit. Anyway, if you all remember that I failed my statistics last semester. And even though I straight up flopped in the class, I felt like I should have been given  D because I did all the work. I did it poorly, but I did it. So when I got the actual F on my transcript, I kinda lost my shit. ON EVERYONE…..

One being my adviser. I went to her complaining about getting an F and explained that I turned everything in, took all the exams and completed the discussions. I wanted her to do something about it because she is my adviser and also the dean of this department. She came back to me with the news that even though I did do the work, I failed. My grades sucked and she understood why the teacher failed me. Now at the time, I was already infuriated….and now, this news, well it sent me over the edge. I kinda, well, flipped the fuck out on her. I said a few things I shouldn’t have. I threatened to leave, not only the program but the school. I went fucking crazy.

So I pissed her off. So much so, now when I reached out to her about registration for this semester a few weeks ago, she wouldn’t even deal with me. I was sent to her assistant. And I kinda understand where she was coming from. I was a nasty bitch to her, I wouldn’t want to deal with my psycho ass either. So in my embarrassment, I told the assistant to sign me up for 3 classes. Whatever ones I needed at this point. I didn’t give a shit. Well as I open my registration which professors name is on my schedule???? Yep….Prof. Adviser…..FUCK. Now this women who I told I would sue for not firing a teacher who failed me (yeah, I went crazy) the women who shooed me away to her assistant, the women who knows I failed a class, is my god damn teacher. Not only her, I have the same statistic professor who failed me, and yet another women who I flipped the fuck out on.

My freak out is coming back to haunt me…big time. I tried to make light of the situation and poke fun of myself in the introductions this week…but I didn’t get many LOL’s back (online classes thank god) So my shittiest move was something I did months ago…but I am paying for it this week. Wish me luck…..

 

Thursday Thoughts

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Welp, I have made the leap from part time to full time at my job. Long story, but it involves insurance and the need for more cash flow because I don’t want school debt. I have been working 12-15ish hours at my husbands business for awhile. We swap the kids, he leaves the office and I get some hours. Well, last week we had to take it up a notch. After many long discussions, crunching numbers and a few disagreements (mainly him not wanting me to work more and me knowing I should) I started a 30+ hour week. And this week my classes began. 30 hours, 3 classes, 3 kids, 3 dogs….I am surrounded by 3’s….meta physical people, what does that mean?????

Anyway, this shit is intense. I am not going to lie. After an 8 hour shift, scooping up a kid at school, coming home to deal with 3 toddlers, it’s like what the fuck just happened. I know people have been doing it forever and I applaud you, I truly do. But this is a whirlwind for me. On top of all of that I got my fucking period full force, so you know I don’t want to deal with shit.

Being a mom can take it out of you. You give your body, your mind, your food…..all you do is give every second of everyday. Then add on top of that go to work and give more. It’s crazy. Yes, there is a paycheck. And yes you get a break from the day in day out of kids, but doing both full time is not for the weary and sadly, I have been weary for a couple years now. Anyway, just venting about this. I do enjoy my job. The people are great and they are people I would have never gotten the chance to meet otherwise. It is a great resume builder for when I jump into a ‘real’ job dedicated to my major. And I get to work with dogs…..PERK!!!! (Their owners…well…sometimes, not so much.) I know I am lucky to have this opportunity and the opportunity to have been at home with my kids for so long.

I look at Matt in a whole new light as well. He is a truly dedicated dad and he has been doing this from Day 1. But for some reason he is never as tired as me. Maybe it’s because all of the hand jobs I’m giving…hehehehehe.

Anyway, better go. My kids are crying, my dogs are barking, my teachers are waiting and my alarm is going off at 5:30 am…..

 

DID YOU JUST SAY THAT??!!

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As I get older I feel like the people around me have less of a filter. Maybe because they are getting older as well and clearly don’t give a fuck? Or maybe I am more aware of what is appropriate and what isn’t. Either way, I feel like daily, someone makes some statement or asks some question that I am like “Did you just freaking say that?!”

One of the main topics people like to discuss with me is my pregnancies. Me getting pregnant so much and just overall child bearing. Like, ya know, because I am the only human being on the planet that has ever had 3 kids. But whether you have 3 or god forbid zero kids, why do people find the need to freaking ask about it! What a touchy subject for some people, ya know. It should just be known to never, ever, ever under any circumstances to ask a female when she is going to have kids. I know too many women who are trying like hell to get pregnant and aren’t. So don’t bring it up. Leave them in peace. Let them have this one conversation where they aren’t thinking about their uterus as you talk. Trust me they are thinking about it every other second.

As for the women who you feel like have “too” many babies, leave their asses alone too. Look, I know I have more than the average two. AND YES I KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED!!!!! When people joke with me like “You know how you keep getting pregnant, right???” I actually want to punch them in the face. I swear, the next person who says that to me, I will reply. “Why yes, I do know how. We were laying in our bed one night and my husband put his penis inside of my vagina and ejaculated. Then his sperm met my egg, hence beginning pregnancy.” Like fuck. Of course I know how this shit happened, your question is not funny and I kinda hate you.

People just need to know when to joke and when to shut up. I get a lot of jokes coming my way now about me getting pregnant again. God forbid I don’t feel well….man, people just love that. It is the perfect ammo. But like if we wanted another one and couldn’t? Or like what if I did get pregnant again, how devastating it would be? I don’t know. I feel like this happens to Matt on a much smaller scale than me. And probably because I am a women and that is just how shit works. We get asked the lame questions.

Just watch what you say and be cautious of who you say it too. You never know the battle or the struggle or just the plain fucking irritation.

Nathan Adrian and Tania Cagnotto

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A lot of you won’t recognize these names. Sad but true. I am still in the Olympic spirit and since my best friend is the Olympic guru she told me these two needed to be featured. And yes they do. Nathan is a swimmer and Tania is a diver and both are not only AMAZING athletes, they are so freaking sexy it is crazy. They are fierce, determined and full of drive. Their bodies are impeccable and their smiles are beautiful. So let’s put on our swimmies and goggles and enjoy these two on this lovely Masturbation Monday.

 

 

Thursday Thoughts

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So lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about my mother. I mean, I think about her all of the time, but these days she is popping up much more than normal. Maybe it is because she is going through some changes. Maybe it is because I am worried about her. Maybe it is because I miss her and wished we saw each other more.

It is weird, now that I am a mom, to think about her in settings and situations that I am in. And I know she probably reacted much like myself as a mom. She probably said swear words, drank beer and openly loved in front of us. And I KNOW she was beyond devoted, worked like a dog and supported us ALWAYS. She was a single mom most of my life and fuck, I don’t know how she did it. She worked doubles waiting tables, driving my sister and I to and from everything, making sure we had everything we needed. And I never saw her complain once. I know she did. I know she bitch about it, cursed my father and cried to her friends. But I never saw that. I just saw a women who busted her ass to make her two girls thrive. She was the epitome of a shitty housewife….but not in the shitty way. In the realistic, been through hell and back, fought hard and made shit happen. And afterwards, enjoyed a glass of wine. She is the women we all say “I don’t know how she does it” too. She is the women who gave up a lot so her kids could have it all. She is the women who was treated like crap by some crappy men but still deeply believes in love. She is the women who gave me the confidence in the women that I am today.

I am lucky that we are still so close. We don’t see each other all that often since traveling for both of us gets tough. But as my kids get older, that will become better. We still talk a ton (well as much as we can with three screaming kids in the background.) One day I envision myself with her and my sister, at a beach house, just us three, no husbands or kids just reminiscing about the old days. When the three of us were surviving. I don’t often open up about my childhood but as I see my kids grow, I do see things. And the main person I see is my mom and her struggle. And how that struggle was NOT apparent to us. I see it now and don’t know how she did it. But she did. She raised two women who are now married with kids. She built a family. Alone. Nothing shitty about that.

Love you Grams. For all you have done. Always. Can’t wait to sit on a patio, in the beautiful October weather and drink a cold one with you.

 

Dream Jobs

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As I enter what seems like my 39th semester of college (it’s my 5th, but feels so much longer) I am questioning my degree. I know, it is totally normal to do, but I am doing it a lot. Like, obsessively. And I know I could change majors, but the idea of extended this school thing any longer makes me want to puke. I have 3 kids, a husband, this blog and am now working 32 hours a week. Add 3-4 classes a semester to that list and it gets beyond overwhelming. I mean, I failed a class last semester and I was only working like 15 hours. So thinking of continuing this routine to change degrees, well that shit ain’t gonna happen.

 

But again, I know questioning majors is normal. But it got me thinking, if I was 15 years younger, billions of dollars richer and free from responsibility, what kind of education would I pursue? What is my actual ‘dream job?’ So I have thought long and hard about my dream jobs. I have a few. Sadly, none of them really parallel with my major. But it is a fun list and I thought I would share. Hoping you guys share your dream gig with me!

 

  1. This Blog! I would love if I could dedicate all of my time, energy, and passion right here. Behind the computer experiencing, learning and growing with my readers. Trying new things to teach you and most importantly, making you smile. It is my favorite thing to do….seeing someone laugh or smile because of something I did or say is the best. I freaking love The Shitty Housewife and my readers. Dream job for sure.

 

2. A Political Science Teacher! I know that sounds odd, but it has been something I have             wanted to do forever. I remember my 8th grade poli sci teacher and I adored him.                  His class was so eye opening and interesting. And as an adult, I love politics. Well,                  love hate. I try to keep my views away from this blog but I love a political discussion.            I think knowing about politics is SO important and kids need exposure to it. SO they              get involved, they vote, they make changes. Having a classroom dedicated to it would            be a dream come true.

 

  1. Owned a Venue! I would love a badass venue where I could bring in great music, acts, and host events. Mainly not for profit events where fundraising was the main focus. And not just for one non profit. For any that are changing the world and saving lives.

 

  1. Halloween Costume Designer! Like totally dream job. I mean Halloween is my most favorite day ever. I mean, I got married on Halloween I love it so much. I love creating off the wall costumes, so being able to do it and have the skill for it as a career would be AMAZING!

 

  1. Justin Timberlake Backup Dancer! Come one. Fuck yes. Best job ever……

So there they are. My dream jobs. Now it is your turn! Let me know what you fantasize about…besides grinding on Justin’s ass. 

Matthew Anderson and Hope Solo

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Yep, it is the summer Olympic Games and I am celebrating my this Masturbation Monday with some hot ass athletes. There are so many to choose from. The bodies, the drive, the passion. You know that continues on and off the field! Anderson can spike and Solo can score…..I would take either! Enjoy these two 6 packing hotties!

USA volleyball player Matt Anderson is the new, young star on a team of veterans, who are also the reigning Olympic champions. He is also dealing with the loss of his father and got a tattoo in memory of his dad on the side of his right rib cage. ///ADDITIONAL INFO.01.anderso.0506.mg – 04/30/2012 – Photo by MICHAEL GOULDING,THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER – Additional info, CQs, and keywords for searching: US men’s volleyball star Matt Anderson for either that same Sunday or a day or two earlier or later. This profile will set up the Olympic qualifying tournament in Long Beach May 7-12.