Months ago someone I was following on Facebook posted a link to a 14 day workout challenge. My interest was peaked, since I had been in a serious workout rut. But I became even more intrigued when I followed the link and realized that the host was the beautiful, inspiring, charismatic, hysterical Kim Schaper. Kim and I were great friends back in high school. She was a much cooler gal than I ever was, but still kept my scrawny ass company and we had some incredible times together. Cul-de-sac parties, games of grab ass and of course PC spring breaks! We have some crazy stories and I had known from being friends with her on Facebook her journey lead her to be a personal trainer/life coach.

Back to the challenge. Like I said, I was in a major rut. I hated any and all workouts and no matter what I was doing, my body was not changing.  I was also dealing with some health issues at the time and was in a bad place physically and mentally. I saw the challenge and thought why not. Kim has always been awesome, so maybe this will jump start me. So I signed up.

IT CHANGED MY LIFE!

The 14 days included workouts delivered directly to my email. Workouts I would have never put together on my own. Workouts I could do at home or at the gym. Workouts that were beyond challenging but doable. Attached to that was a closed Facebook group. Everyone who was in the challenge was invited and we were told to take “sweaty selfies” after each workout. We also spoke openly about why we were doing the challenge, what we thought was hard, tips on healthy eating and so much more.

As the challenge came to an end I was devastated. I could not believe how life changing the 14 days were and how much I enjoyed doing them. Kim then let us in on a very exciting secret. WE CAN HAVE THIS EVERYDAY!!! She has a program for women like YOU and ME with this exact mindset behind it. ShapeHer!!! ShapeHer is the most incredible thing that has happened to me in a long time. Once you sign up you are immediately linked to Kim’s portal page where you have so much information at your finger tips.  She posts the workouts and the schedule for each week and month. She sets you up for complete success. Along with that comes the most MAGICAL thing ever though. The ShapeHer TRIBE. She has a closed Facebook page for us ShapeHer ladies and it is FUCKING AMAZING!!! Like oh my god. These women. The empowerment. The inspiration and motivation you see all day on this page is truly remarkable. If you don’t feel like working out, look at the page and all that nonsense is out the door. Everyone is filled with so much love and compassion. We all share our stories and so much laughter. We have selfie contest. GIF parties. Dude, we even did a secret Santa gift exchange. I mean you can’t get much cooler than that. There is so much support here for everything. Not just your diet and exercise. I mean those ladies were all over me with messages on Superbowl Sunday because they knew I was freaking out over JT. I fell like I have an entire group of incredible friends rooting for me and it is all thanks to Kim and her journey.

She was gracious enough to sit down and answer some questions for me (and heads up…there is even a ShapeHer Workout in there!!!!!!)

TSH– Hello! Thank you so much for being here. Can you tell everyone a little about yourself?

Kim-Yeah!!. Omg so pumped that you asked me to do this mama!. . Thank you!. Okay, so a little about myself….I’m a female fitness coach, nutrition coach, lover of positivity, penises and Mary’s Gone Crackers. (If you’ve never heard of these, totally normal. My husband says they taste like cardboard.)

Oh and I’m obsessed with my Goldendoodle, Stella.. She’s the bomb!

TSH– So, we have known each other for over 20 years! So crazy!!! Tell everyone your favorite memory of The Shitty Housewife???

Kim– OMG seriously!?!?. I can’t believe that!!! I mean, we look the same right so no wonder time goes by so slow. Okay so favorite memory?. Dude, I have too many!! I love all your JT comments, funny jokes and I don’t give a fuck attitude on all your posts.. You just crack me up on the regular!

TSH-So, we reconnected via social media a while ago. You have an online fitness program and ran a 14 day challenge. It was truly life changing for me and I immediately joined the program. Can you tell readers about it?

Kim– You’re so sweet, I’m pretty proud of it too. You’re probably referring to my infamous Lean in 14 Challenge that I do a few times a year which is a workout consistency challenge for women who are ready to jump back in the game! It’s 14 days of workouts with a kick-ass community of women supporting one another.  To me, nothing is better than a community of like-minded women who want to level up, get out of the bullshit of life and really get to know one another on a deeper level.  My baby, ShapeHER coaching is all about an authentic tribe of women from all over the world connecting, working out and sharing their shit in a safe place.

TSH– How long have you been a life coach/trainer?

Kim-Since 2007! But online and seriously since 2014.

TSH– What lead you down this path?

Kim– I had struggled with anorexia, bulimia, bingeing and purging, over exercise, and severe body image issues so after I overcame my stuff, I knew 100% I struggled hard to do JUST THIS. I fucking love it and I know I’m fulfilling my passion and purpose because I’ve turned my struggles and hardships into something positive.  Plus, I LOVE helping women thrive and succeed, I can’t tell you how fulfilling that is.

TSH- I know from working with you, you are a strong believer in weight trainer, which has now become a HUGE part of my life. How did you get started down that path?

Kim- Weight training is so effijng powerful for a female. There’s something to be said for feeling strong AF.  Especially after my disordered eating background, I’ve found nothing radiates more confidence in a woman than one that’s comfortable in her own skin and that’s both physically and mentally.  Plus, weight training makes our body look bangin’!  It’s ideal for fat loss, body composition and you can crush killer workouts in a short period of time in your own home!

TSH-If there is a reader out there struggling for motivation to get started with a workout journey, what advice would you give to them?

Kim- Just do ONE thing. Don’t overthink it.  Start with ONE thing to get you on track and don’t take on a ton of other shit at once, otherwise you will be overwhelmed and quit.  If you’re new to exercise, start with committing to 20 minute walks 3 x a week.  Once you mastered that for a while, THEN add something.  Also, give yourself some compassion.  As I always say, “We can never hate ourselves into getting in shape.” It’s a journey, just be patient and kind to yourself.

TSH- What are your thoughts on dieting? And what advice would you give readers who are struggling in that department?

Kim- Haha, I think you already know but F dieting. You know I hate that shit. It doesn’t work. Period.  I get it, we all have the shiny object syndrome and want new, fresh, exciting, hardcore shit but it doesn’t work long term.  That’s key.  LONG TERM.  What typically happens?  You go on a diet, you’re dedicated and it’s like the honeymoon phase, you’re crushing for a few days or a week but then how much mental energy goes into it?  80-90%?  Are you obsessing about the food more than before?  Is your headspace more consumed than before you went on a diet?  If the answer is yes, stop that shit. When we don’t’ allow ourselves certain things because they might be labeled “good” or “bad” we set ourselves up for wanting them even more.. Think about the kid and cookie scenario.. We tell them no but they want it even more, yes?  We can 100% be in great shape, look good and NOT have to diet and white-knuckle our way through food torture.  It doesn’t have to be so all-or-nothing.  I’m a firm believer in my #middlepathmindset motto. 

TSH– What is your go to recipe?

Kim– SIMPLE!!! I love the crockpot.  Throw in some chicken breasts, can of salsa, ½ cup of rice, corn and beans. Cook on low heat for 7 hours and call it a day!

TSH– What is your favorite workout routine, besides a romp in the sack with the hubs…which is mine??

Kim- Haha!! Super effective……High calorie burning, metabolically efficient exercises.  Have your readers give this a go….

20 minutes as many rounds as you can (all you need are dumbbells)

12 squat to press

12 lunge to bicep curl

12 jump squats

TSH- As Valentine ’s Day approaches us woman are swarmed by pictures of sexy lingerie and large boxes of chocolates. What would you say to woman who are out there wanting to do both? Eat it all and still feel amazing?

Kim– Nah, I don’t believe they need to eat it all as you say, but allow themselves to be mindful and have some chocolate. 

TSH-I ask all my guests this….we all can’t be perfect all the time. Tell us about one of your shittiest moves!

Kim- Hahah! Hmmmmmm…..

I farted in the gym and blamed it on the man in front of me.

So are you guys ready for this??!!! You can join too!!!!! She is offering a new challenge starting on Monday and it is only $1 to join!!! After the challenge it will be regular ShapeHer prices (you can cancel after the 2 weeks otherwise it goes to the regular $49.97 per month) but you can test it out for two weeks and meet all the Tribe for a buck! I am telling you guys, you don’t want to miss this chance. It has truly changed my life. I feel better. I am happier. I have more energy and MY ASS LOOKS FINE AS HELL!!! So click on the link and sign up…..and hey welcome to the TRIBE.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=FPSC74EAKP7HU

The first man to break my heart was my father.

It is a tough pill to swallow when the one man who is supposed to love you to your core leaves you.

As a child then I was very forgiving….sadly, as a parent now I cannot say the same. There was always this whole story that is someone else’s fault. That someone kept me from him. Money, travel, the list goes on. But as someone who cherishes love more than most, none of that would keep me away from someone I loved.

The one man who is going to be there forever. The one man you can always count on. The one man in your life,,,,gone. Leaving you with the thought, ‘if the man who created me can’t love me, how could anyone else?’

I do feel like for a few of my flings, where I did my thing and left without getting close, can all be pulled back to this thought. I also think the longer relationships I experienced prior to my husband had this thought too. I pursued unavailable men….FOR YEARS. Knowing they would never let me get that close. I was even with someone for three years and we talked about marriage, but we both knew we only spoke of it because it had been three years. He was 100% unavailable to love and I was 100% okay with it.

I was so scared to fall in love because again, how could anyone love me. I mean, I knew I was great, attractive, successful….but lovable?! Probably not.

It didn’t matter how much my mom loved me, my sister loved me, my friends loved me…..there was always something missing. Something I was terrified to put out there to a man. If I love you with all my heart and soul…if I love unconditionally, will you love me back? My dad couldn’t….can you?

I had to take the self-love journey a little longer than most. And damn was it worth it. I honestly think I love myself more than anyone has ever loved themselves. I did so many things for myself and nurtured myself in ways I never received from a man. I still dated during this time, which maybe I should regret…but I don’t (regret and love in my book is a total oxymoron.)

But I took some serious time to figure out how to love myself and to really think about how I wanted to be loved. During this time I dated someone again, who was extremely unavailable. It was a major setback and the one dating situation in my life that I deeply do regret.  But while I dated him, I had a long distance, almost 100% emotional relationship with someone who wanted to love me, but because of circumstances could not. Through both of these men I realized the importance of love and found a determination to be released from this love sabotage journey I had been on for so long. I was physically with someone who was a cruel and selfish, and just what I was used too. But emotionally I found a life changing connect with a man who touched my soul in a very unthinkable way. I had to stop both relationships, and did. I let go of both. I walked away from both.

I began once again the self-love process. Maybe I was still trying to find a replacement of a father figure. Maybe I was still not feeling lovable. Maybe I was still trying to prove to someone that I did really deserve it. But then I realized the only person I needed to prove this too was myself. I started living 100% for myself. I had a business. I had a home (alone!) I had my dogs. I had my family. I had my friends. I went on a dating sabbatical. I started talking about my “daddy issues.” I stopped being ashamed that he left me and learned that he actually didn’t leave me. He had to go work on himself and do his thing. Sucks that he never looked back? Yes, but that is what he needed. It had nothing to do with not loving me. He didn’t love himself enough to love me. These were all his issues and I had to give them all back to him. They were not my issues at all.

One my very first date with Matt I openly talked about my dad (which I RARLEY) do. I was very clear what I needed and what I wanted. By the third date we had talked about kids, goals, needs and wants from a relationship. I was 100% myself from the moment he knocked on the door to pick me up for our first date. Of course it wasn’t all serious shit…I mean there was lots of booze and booty involved, but I was on a mission to not be involved with yet another unavailable, selfish, man. I was ready to take my daddy issues by the hand and ask them to step out the door.

I knew what I wanted. I knew I was lovable and most importantly, I knew I was worthy of everything I have ever wanted and desired.  I let that be known as we sat next to each other as complete strangers on an awkward first date at the ballet.  I let that be known when I was puking in his toilet telling him I was accidently pregnant after 3 months of dating. I let that be known the moment he put a ring on my finger. And even though I don’t have to tell him what I deserve anymore because he knows and he does, I find nothing wrong with a little reminder.

Growing up without a father figure is tough.  As a woman, I had no idea the kind of damage it can do. But now, as a wife, a mother, a lover, a friend, I can whole heartily say I am okay with what happened. I am glad it happened to me. It made who I am today, and I am the most amazing person I know.

xoxo

Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

So I have decided to execute 12 challenges for you guys this year to see if all this nonsense really works. I have it all planned out and no, they won’t all be diet and exercise.

Basically, I am all about love this year and included in that is self love. Self love is SO important and I am trying to raise awareness in that and in myself. So a crucial step in self love is self care and these challenges will help improve that (HOPEFULLY!)

So after ample amounts of research and hours of Joe Rogan podcasts (LISTEN TO THESE NOW!) I decided to go Keto for a month.

The Keto diet is basically very low carb and sugar. So your body is just purely taking proteins and fats and then becomes this crazy fat burning machine. Your body is depleted of glucose so it goes straight into burning fat. Makes sense, right?

So the first couple days I wasn’t as prepared as I wanted to be. I def was losing some LBs pretty fast, but I was also hungry. Matt was doing it with me, and we both agree, this is gonna get old fast if we didn’t start prepping and experimenting. That day we hit the grocery store and farmers market, as well as downloading some awesome Keto apps and it became life changing…..for me.

I committed to it for the month of January and here we are, into February and I am still going strong. I even now have butter and coconut oil in my coffee! It has been so amazing for me. During my research I read so many testimonies about how it helped people with their energy levels, which is something I REALLY struggle with. I have seen numerous doctors, have had ample tests and my energy is still shit. Until Keto. I noticed an energy difference almost immediately. My workouts improved and my mental focus has sky rocketed!

Matt had a much different experience. He lasted two weeks and then stopped. He lost a like 8 pounds so fast, but then he just felt like shit and didn’t snap out of it. He wasn’t into it at all. He has been super helpful and supportive of my journey, but he was carbing it up in no time.

And trust, I have cheated, but as soon as I do, I notice it and feel crappy. And another reason for cheat days…..being carb free is not sustainable in my book. I mean your body needs some carbs….so when it wants them, do it. But since I have changed my eating style to this diet, my body is not craving them as much.

When you start Keto you drop weight crazy fast. People lose an insane amount in the first couple weeks. Like any diet, you do plateau but it happens fast. I didn’t have a bunch of weight to loose. I just did it more, like I said for my energy. And I wanted to change my eating habits. It also has helped me cut back on drinking…..I mean, I still do but not as much which is good.

Keto may not be for everyone, but I have fully enjoyed and embraced this new lifestyle of mine. It is challenging and demanding but fun and fulfilling as well. My cooking has amped up and my energy has as well. So overall a very successful Shitty Challenge!

I have moved on from Masturbation Monday. Don’t get me wrong, masturbating is still the most fun, but I have decided to remove the weekly post series from the Shitty Housewife. We have celebrated some beautiful people on this page and I have loved every minute of it. But truth be told, I am over it.

So since this is my official last Masturbation Monday post AND my #1 GOAT masturbation material of all time has had me REELING all week, I decided it was a perfect way to close it.

Justin… you kill me… in the most amazing way possible. I never thought that as a 38 year old woman, happily married with all the kids I could still turn into a giddy teenage girl at the site of a popstar. But somehow you have managed to do this for me year after year after year. You have grown up into a beautiful man filled with love, laughter and a fantastic ass. You, me and my vibrator have had many a days together and we will continue to until the day I die. You are and always will be my #1 and I will go to my grave being proud of that. It has been an honor as your fan watching you grow into such an adorable husband and wonderful dad. And although I do get jealous that Jessica gets to have sex with you, I also know that they way you sing about her, is the way I would sing about Matt if I could.

Thank you for being you and for being such a great source of butterflies in my stomach for so long. No better feeling. I love you JT!! More than any man I have never met!

xoxo

Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

There is no better day to be a snacker in America, then the day of the Superbowl. It gives us all the open right to munch away and I fucking love it. The dips, the cheese, the meats….it’s like the day television says, “Hey girl, today, calories don’t exist.”  Of course the commercials featuring half naked women don’t help, but those seems to have dissipated now that America’s government has fallen apart! And this year, the Superbowl has blessed us all with the halftime performer being the one….the only….JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. I mean, what is better than gorging all day with a JT concert in between chip dips….ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. SO cheers to you Superbowl for giving me this one day to  say screw you Keto and hello QUESO!

So as you know, I am the queen of staying busy. And not just sorta busy…..but like every minute of every day have something jammed into it. I try to never have a dull moment. In fact, I try so hard to never have a dull moment, that when I do, I am beyond lost and confused and usually just find myself in bed ready to sleep.  But my time has changed.

I graduated school.

I am about to have a normal, 9-5, corporate job.

I no longer work nights and weekends.

I AM FREE…….

Physically at least. I have become so accustomed to being busy and not having “time” for extracurricular activites because I had so many insane obligations. But now, those obligations are gone…..forever…and time is something I suddenly have a lot of.

And what am I going to do with all this spare time. Welp, it is time for me to man up and start trying to be a good housewife (trying being the key word here.)

For years now, Matt has held the title in this house with chores, housework, projects, paying bills, raising kids, all while supporting me while I work and go to school.

But now it is my time. I get to to take the kids to school everyday. I get to pick them up every Friday and be with them all weekend until it is Monday again. I get to be home while he has major house projects, so as the housewife, I will finally begin all the little DIY projects I have been dying to do. I will be better at cleaning (bahahahahahahahahah) laundry (yeah right….) and all the shit us “housewives” are suppose to be doing…..kinda.

It’s just that I am ready to be more involved. More present. Living a life that is enhancing my home, not just my education or work experience. This is also finally the time to work on something I have completely let go of in the past few years of child birthing, working and schooling…..which is focusing on myself. I have started a workout program a couple months back that I love. I began a diet journey that I am so excited to share with you guys. I have bought some skin care and am following a routine, and I even purchsedn ew makeup……I mean WHO AM I???!!! But you guys, I am learning so much and can’t wait to tell you about it!
So get ready, this ol ball in chain is strapped with ideas AND TIME, which is amazing (and scary!) I have a few great tricks up my sleeve to bring here to my page, that I hope to fill your days with reality, learning and a little bit of self love and a whole lot of laughter.

Look, I know there are a lot of mommy blogs out there, but as a wife blogger, I am ready to finally embrace my role. I am ready to show you many different ways we wives deal with this whole FOREVER thing.  And, of course my main goal is to  be as wonderful and mediocre as possible, all while showing you The Shitty Housewife ways.

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

I know, I know….another one of those New Year New Me bullshit posts….but not really.  Mainly because, the old me is not that bad at all, so why change?! I’m sure improvement is needed, but isn’t that an issue with everyone? But I don’t need like a full fledge overhaul this go round. I have decided that I am pretty freaking great. So no NEW YEAR NEW ME here. Same old me coming at ya in 2018. But there are many things I want more of. How I choose to change myself and my life to gain more of these things is unknown, but I am willing to try.

2018, I want….

Exponential time with my family. More energy. Weirder sex. Smoother skin. Extra money. Bountiful laughter. Numerous girls trips. Tougher goals. Harder abs. Healthy queso. Numerous outdoor events and an excessive amount of Justin Timberlake.

I want to go to more weddings and hold more babies of people I love. I want to see my husband excel at work. I want my mom to feel the best she has felt in years. I want my kids to make every minute count because childhood goes so fast. I want to spend more time creating the life they deserve. I want to run a half marathon. I want to land the job of my dreams (whatever that may be!) I want to celebrate birthdays and anniversarys and every holiday with a fucking bang and make 2018 a year where I surround myself with love, family and celebrations.

As far as cutting things out of my life…..well fuck that. Life is too short to say no more. Sure, I may cut out some carbs, some beers, and some things that aren’t benefiting me, but to totally say no more….well I am way too good for that. Also, life is intense, carbs and beer can make it easier right?

So new year, newish me is the way I am ringing in 2018. Setting some mediocre goals that I am sure I will kinda live up too. If not, there is always next year!

Happy New Year

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife