Battles

I am feeling uninspired. I am feeling like social media is bugging me. I am feeling like everything in this world is becoming a battle. A battle I am too tired to fight today. My goal is to get ahead in this blog. Have posts written weeks before they go up so I can edit, improve, make life a little less chaotic. But again, I find myself in a whirlwind of plans, schedules, work, blah, blah, blah. And here I sit, knowing tomorrow is my day to write and I have nothing.

I was in a good mood today. Was being the key word…….I worked and got treated pretty shitty by some people. People just not giving a shit about the person behind the counter. People who had off today since it is a national holiday, but yet they felt the need to be rude to the person working. Mean to someone who was helping them. But that’s me…the help. I do not mind my role. I am blue collar and proud. I often do NOT get treated badly but every once in awhile it happens. And that shit just pisses me off. We are all equal, we are all in this crazy adventure of life together, so let’s act like it.
So that kinda put me in a bad mood. Then I came home, and after I got settled, I looked on Facebook. The whole terribly sad story of the gorilla and the kid was all over my feed. And there was just so much hate. So much bashing. So much blaming. The story is atrocious any single way you look at it. Whatever side you are on, it is just fucking awful. And all the blame, bashing and hatred will not change the outcome. The gorilla is dead, the child hurt and the mom… I have no words. But whatever side you take, just stop. Please. I can assure you that no one at the zoo, neither of the parents or the police involved feel good about what happened. And as sad, distraught or angry you are… they feel worse. A million times worse.
It just bummed me out. We are so quick to blame, hate, disrespect, and why??? We read an article, we walk into a store, we see the help, we read our feed and we just judge. Judge situations, people, scenarios, families, choices. We have these expectations of others and why? Why be rude to people when they are performing a service for you? Why look down on someone who is helping you? Why blame someone for being negligent with their child when you were not there… you did not actually witness negligence. Why blame employees at the zoo when  were told what to do? Why just to meanness? WHY SO MANY DOWNERS?????
What happened to supporting one another? What happened to extending an olive branch? What happened to minding your own fucking business?
I don’t know. I am just feeling blah about life. Maybe I am PMSing. Maybe I am just tired and sometimes it would be nice to be asked “How are you?” and not “What can you do for me?” and “You need to do more.” Maybe next time a truly awful situation arises we can all look it with compassion and kindness and not blame and hate. Maybe I just need to snuggle up with my handsome husband and let him take all this blahness away… that’s his job now as my husband right?? Ugh, I promise to buck up. Just needed to vent. Thanks to everyone who actually read this and listened!

Kristen Wiig and Steve Carrell

I have always believed funny is the sexiest trait a person can have and these two have it. They are hysterical with their acting, their shows and their impressions. But on top of that funny talent, they are both so HOT! Both can hold a lead role in funny or serious movies/shows, both have NAILED SNL and both have proven that they are far more than a few good laughs. Married, a few kids, and still on top. Now this Monday, we can all pretend they are on top of us. So enjoy this special Masturbation Monday. Have a good laugh and a good stoke!

 

Shittiest Move of the Week

So, since I failed a class this last semester I decided to take the summer off. Get my head right, relax (hahahahahahaha) and just get my bearings on life. But since busy is my only way of survival I have decided that if I was not taking classes, I would instead job hunt. Send out resumes, apply, write cover letters and hopefully interview just so I can get some practice under my belt. My goal with going back to school and getting my degree is to make a better life for my family. To find a stable job with room for growth and benefits. So we can live a bit more comfortably and so all the weight is not on Matt. 

Well, I have been sticking to it. I have been researching career options, job titles and companies. One particular company I have my eyes on posted a great job last week and I ponced. This company gets incredible reviews and seems to really take care of their employees. I filled out the application, nailed my cover letter and surprise surprise this week received an email back!!!

I was taken to the next step which was an assessment test. So I went into this test thinking it was just going to be a basic assessment. Man was I wrong. 2 hours and an ungodly amount of stress later I finished. The end of the test had me answering multiple choice math questions while reading fake emails that would only be posted for 15 seconds with information that would eventually pop up in another set of questions. It was the most ridiculous thing ever. Seriously, I spent more time swearing at my computer than learning about the company. And what is this really going to show them? Wouldn’t they rather meet me in person and see how warm, kind and fucking adorable I am rather then see if I can multi-task some bullshit math and remember an email that was posted for 15 seconds???? 

Anyway, pretty sure I bombed the shit and blew my chance with them. I guess we will wait and see. Until then, I will keep applying and practicing. At some point I won’t fail at one of these tests right???? Happy Friday

XOXO

The Shitty Housewife

Jameson Ruby Red Cranberry

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Ingredients

Ocean Spray Ruby Cranberry Juice Blend– I had to steal some from Nick and he was honestly upset when he found out. He’s obsessed

1 1/2 oz Jameson– or any bourbon, but just about all the men on this blog are Irish so good luck getting anything else into this house

1/2 tbsp simple syrup– well I fucked that up in the video!

2 fresh basil leaves– hahhahahhahahaa

Ice

Grapefruit slice garnish– again, hahahahahahaha

 

HOW TO MAKE THIS RECIPE

  1. In a cocktail shaker, combine the juice, bourbon, simple syrup and basil. Fill a chilled rocks glass with ice. Add 5 ice cubes to the shaker and shake well. Strain the drink into the ice-filled rocks glass. Garnish with the grapefruit slice.

NOTES

Make simple syrup by boiling equal parts sugar and water. Let cool before using and DO NOT stick your finger in to check if it is still warm because that bitch will burn you!

Top 5 Reasons You Are Officially A Boy Mom

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5. When you look at your kid you find yourself thinking… “Are you going to be a dick to date?”
We have all gotten our heartbroken by some jerkoff. When you are a boy-mom, you wonder if your boy will one day be “that guy.”

4. You know every superhero character…EVERY FUCKING ONE…
But you secretly don’t mind because Thor and Ironman are kinda hot.

3. Seeing your son tumble down and scrape up his knee does NOT faze you.
He is a boy… he likes it rough.

2. Snakes, worms, and bugs do not scare you anymore.
He loves that shit, so you had to say, “FUCK FEAR” a while ago.

1. The penis is no longer only about sex anymore.
Your man is no longer the only one with a penis. And your son’s “mini pecker” as we call it, is the topic of many conversations. Can’t wait till puberty ladies!!!

Boy Mom

My first son turns 3 in two days. 2 more sleeps as he says. Birthdays with youngsters are always so sweet and so heartbreaking. Even if you aren’t a sentimental, sappy mom…..seeing their age move ahead brings a little bit of sadness with it. But, yep, Kellen turns 3.

If you know me, you know I talk a lot of shit about Kell. He is my tough kid. Since the day he was born he has made life a roller coaster. His labor was HORRIBLE. He spent 8 days in the NICU before we could take him home. From then on, he has just been tough. A human I completely adore….but tough. He has made me question my parenting skills. He has made me question my beauty. He has made me question my strength. And he constantly makes me question my own sanity. He is strong willed, incredibly smart, very emotional and tough. On top of that he is the most gorgeous boy I have ever seen and his handsomeness just increases as his age does.

He will be a heartbreaker. He will be a heartthrob. He already is. When I am anywhere with my kids I am constantly stopped and told how cute they are. Then, every time, without fail, they pinpoint Kellen and tell me how attractive he is. Grown women flirt with him. Girls on the playground stop and stare. His looks are simply amazing…..and he doesn’t even notice.

Raising someone that will one day be man is scary as shit. As a parent, you know there are all these things you want them to accomplish. Education, career, success. But as a mom….HIS mom, all I want is happiness, health, kindness, honesty, loyalty and love. I know being a girl is hard. But becoming a man, a honest man, is just so rare these days, its got to be so tough, right??? I mean, I know some bad guys out there and I wonder what their mom must think. Is she questioning all of her moves in his childhood, like did I create that? How do you take this sweet, whiny, adorable little boy and help him mold himself into a hard working, respectful grown man? How do you teach him how to love unconditionally? How do you teach him to have loyalty to his family no matter what? How do you tell him that sports aren’t the end all be all if you don’t want them to be? How do you teach him not to be a dick to girls?? How do you let them go and brave this cruel, battlefield we call the real world alone?

I guess I have some time to figure it all out. I mean, he is only 3. Well almost. I still have 2 more sleeps with my 2 year old tucked into his Ninja Turtle bed. And I will cherish the next 48 hours with that little tough guy unconditionally.

 

 

 

Matt & Nick

So today we decided to go in a new direction. Shake things up a bit. Instead of posting hot bodies, famous actors or sexy musicians, Nicole and I are presenting our men. Matt and Nick. A couple weeks ago we decided to do a very last minute video. We wanted to ask them what it was really like being with a Shitty Housewife. We gave them many questions and just wanted their honesty…..but in between these questions, we fed them lots of booze, just to make things that much more funny, entertaining and honest. Man did it work!

But first here is a bit about the men who put up with us!
Matt.12642539_10207655828806408_6221857034566032422_n
It is hard find words to describe him. I will say this….most people who know him don’t know him like I do. He is a talkative, brutally honest, doesn’t hold back kinda man. He says how he feels and doesn’t mind making things awkward to be heard. He is also beyond respectful, undying loyally and completely hardworking. He is funny, supportive and great between the sheets. I have never had someone be such a cheerleader for everything I do. No matter what. He loves me unconditionally and the same for our children. He does not show fear, (no matter how many times I showed up pregnant.) He embraces “weird” and different. He respects stepping out of comfort zones and he believes loyalty is what rounds a relationship. All of these traits plus the fact that he is adorable make him my pick today and all days for MasturbationMonday! -Jan
Nick.12615141_10207597122779962_7514516829376961208_o

Nick is my high school sweetheart and my crazy, red-bearded, other half. He is wild and crazy and will openly admit to hating everyone but can be the biggest softy and is a natural guardian to everyone he meets. He is a great father to our little girl and gets more worried than I do when she bumps her head. Nick is a Guinness kind of guy and will get verrrry chatty when drinking Chardonnay but will be the first one there if you every need anything. As much as he drives me fucking nuts, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I can’t ever thank him enough for how hard he works for our family. -Nicole

 

Now- Go watch their video on our Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FTheSh1ttyHousewife%2Fvideos%2F1577018535929063%2F&show_text=0&width=560“>here!

 

Saturday Slam

happy family on the beach. mother and baby daughter at sea

This week I am slamming something that has been nagging women for decades. Something that is scary, worrisome, dreadful and pretty much all bad words… SWIMSUIT SEASON. Why do we do this to ourselves??? Why do we get so worked over putting on this small article of clothing??? Why do we put ourselves through the prep, the diets and the working out, just to feel a little better in the fitting room. Bathing suit shopping BLOWS.

I don’t care if you are fucking Beyonce, selecting those teeny tiny suits makes you want to vomit. You look in the mirror and dissect every inch of your figure and every donut you have eaten in the last six months.

So fuck you Swim Suit Season. You are a piece of shit who has been trying to make me feel like a piece of shit for decades. No matter how hard I work out, how many broccoli florets I force, when it is your time to shine, I look like a water buffalo.

One piece, bikinis, lets not forget the post baby tankini… you are all the worst and I am sick and tired of you ruining my ever fragile body confidence. SCREW YOU!!!

Shittiest Move of the Week

So this week I thought I would change it up.  I have a terrible cold and I just feel physically shitty. So instead of me talking about some lame thing I did this week, I want to hear what you did. I want you guys to make me feel better. Post here on the blog, on our Facebook page or even a comment on Instagram. Seriously, I feel like shit. Make me laugh!!! Tag it with #shittiestmoveoftheweek. Do it!