This week I am slamming something that has been nagging women for decades. Something that is scary, worrisome, dreadful and pretty much all bad words… SWIMSUIT SEASON. Why do we do this to ourselves??? Why do we get so worked over putting on this small article of clothing??? Why do we put ourselves through the prep, the diets and the working out, just to feel a little better in the fitting room. Bathing suit shopping BLOWS.

I don’t care if you are fucking Beyonce, selecting those teeny tiny suits makes you want to vomit. You look in the mirror and dissect every inch of your figure and every donut you have eaten in the last six months.

So fuck you Swim Suit Season. You are a piece of shit who has been trying to make me feel like a piece of shit for decades. No matter how hard I work out, how many broccoli florets I force, when it is your time to shine, I look like a water buffalo.