Fuck Yes….It’s October

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Alas, it is here. My favorite month. October. Which is filled with all of my favorite things. Pumpkin flavors, a crisp in the air, scarves for the ladies, beanies for those boys. I mean could it get any better? And although those all sound like basic bitch things, and I am far from a basic bitch (I am a tired bitch…..not basic ) I enjoy everything that this month brings.

On top of October welcoming fall, it also is Halloween. The best holiday ever and since last year, on Halloween day I became an official Shitty Housewife, now my two favorite things ever, Halloween and my anniversary are all occurring during my favorite time of year. It’s like too much happiness. I mean the only thing better would be National Queso Day being celebrated on October 31st too, but that would almost be too much….ALMOST.

It is still hard for me to believe that I got married. I mean I am still in shock I found Matt. Like I found my person. I held out and held on and there he was. And we got married. We committed forever. And we did it on Halloween. Like what the fuck. Originally we were suppose to get married the August before in New Hampshire. A summer wedding at his parents lakehouse. But because of me being in school, money, stress, two toddlers and a new fetus in my belly, we pushed it back. And when we realized the following year, 2015, Halloween was falling on a Saturday, we knew it was meant to be. Pushing t back over 15 months was a hard pill to swallow, but I popped out a baby and nabbed my associates degree, so I kept my mind busy.

But man, was it worth it. October embraced my wedding plans and our guests and our celebration perfectly. Just like I knew it would. October is the most amazing, most incredible, most romantic month and it did us well.

I have already been enjoying October this year. Trying to think of the perfect 1st anniversary gift (paper….what the fuck?!) And this year, since there is no wedding, Trick or Treating with the 3 kids is on everyone’s mind. Although they are out seeing butterflies, dinosaurs and princess’s in the store, we have been training them that scary and spooky is the way to go. Or funny (which the baby will be….he doesn’t know what the fuck is happening, so we have picked out something hysterical.)

Anyway, what a time of year. Bust out those flat boots and make your man put on a beanie (they make any man look 1000 times cuter….trust me.)  Enjoy it. I love you October and always will!

 

Tom Morello and Alanis Morissette

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This week I wanted to take it back to some hottness from the 90’s. Some special folk who were not only passionate about their music, they were (and still are) passionate about their beliefs. Two musicians that poured their heart and souls into their guitars and made me fall in love.

Tom Morello and Alanis Morisstte know how to make this gal feel. And all sort of feelings too. After a little Rage or Jagged Little Pill….I am hard up to make some shit happen and just hard up. Tom is a sex beast and he strums that guitar in the sexiest way. And Alanis belts out some feisty ass feminine power like we all wish we could. So sit back this Monday and reminisce about the old days. Those days when music was impossible to ignore…..just like your hard on.

SICK OF BEING SICK

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Well, after 2 weeks off from the blog……I’M BACK!!!!!!! Sadly, I am not better, but I am back. It has been a long 4 weeks or so for this Shitty Housewife. I put on a good front for awhile, but it got me. Break needed. And although when you live my crazy life, a true break never happens, I did need to slow down for a bit. Or at least not write for a bit.

First and foremost, thank you all SO very much for all of the sweet calls, messages, comments and notes about my eyes. The last you saw of me was a video explaining why I had taken some time off. My vision was doing some wacky ass shit. I really appreciate all of your advice and after MANY trips to MANY doctors, we are on the uphill to getting these baby blues healthy. So prior the eye fiasco, I got slammed with a 2 week long cold and severe congestion. Like the shit would not let up….my life for 15 days was like…….

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I know you have all been there. Then as soon as it ended, the whole eye flare up got CRAZY. That was more than just painful…it was scary as fuck. I mean, I have terrible vision but blacked out spots and shit became consuming and terrifying. Frankly it still is, but I am being positive. So at its peak, the stress from that and everything going in, I was hit with a 3 day migraine. Like WHAT THE FUCK???? I would not wish that shit on anyone….okay well maybe Trump, but maybe even not him! I seriously thought my brain was bleeding at one point. So, as soon as we get that under control, I get some on again off again shoulder pain flare up I have had since I cut hair for 10 years. And of all times for it to start right??? Like damn Gina….give me a break. So one day…..ONE MOTHER FUCKING DAY after that shit clears up, my son comes home with some sore throat bug and who wakes up with it??? That’s right, my weak immune system ass. Here I am again, under the freaking weather. Fever, chills, body aches. Today I am better, but still have to cringe every time I sallow. No BJ’s this week Matt O….my bad. But after almost starting to feel like a semi normal human again, I got my freaking period. Which, thank god. That is always welcomed in this house, but of all days. Jesus.

Ugh, I am just spent. I know I put a lot on my plate, but to me that is life. I am given one and I want to live this one to the fullest. I want each day to be filled with family, goals, accomplishments. It is like my mind has all these ideas and all this energy and my body can’t keep up. How do I get myself healthier? I went and got the vitamins, the apple cider vinegar, the hot tea. I mean I know the beer doesn’t help, but frankly, that is the only shit that keeps me sane.

I need to remember I am not in my early 20’s. Well, maybe I am mentally, but physically, this body is pooped. And I do want to live a long full life. I just need to find a balance (don’t we all.) Anyway, hopefully I am on the mend. Hopefully long month of ailments is passing. Lord knows, I am spent from them! Now off to take another apple cider vinegar shot and drink some tea and change my tampon. Bundle of joy guys…..BUNDLE!

Hugh Laurie and Kate Walsh

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Since the last month of my life has been surrounded by my many ailments, I have decided to dedicate this Masturbation Monday to doctors. Now although, I adore my doctors….they certainly DO NOT make me want to run for my bullet and that is probably a good thing right. I can not imagine having a hot doctor in real life. But these two make doctors in TV land extra, extra sexy. Hugh Laurie and Kate Walsh. House could diagnose my optic neuritis and Madison my cold/flu like symptoms any day with no complaint from me. They make feeling bad look good. I would take as many shots from them as needed and never eat apples to keep them away. Thank you Hugh and Kate. You do make me feel better. Happy Monday!

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

 

Hungarian Chicken Paprikas

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From a Hungarian background, this dish reminds me of childhood and turned out to taste just like it! It is surprisingly easy and you more than likely have everything on hand already. I added a pinch of cayenne at the end to add a little kick but that is totally up to your preference. 

Let us know what you think and send us your photos of you make it! 


Ingredients:

¼ cup butter + 1 tablespoon

1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts

1 medium onion, chopped

1 ½ cups chicken broth 

3 tablespoons Hungarian sweet paprika

½ teaspoon Kosher salt

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour, as needed for coating chicken

1 cup sour cream

Instructions:

Chop chicken into 1” pieces and dry and dust lightly with flour.

Heat a large skillet over medium heat until it is hot. Melt ¼ cup butter. Add chicken, paprika, salt and pepper, and sauté until the chicken is lightly browned. Remove chicken from pan and tent loosely with foil.

Add remaining 1 tablespoon butter to pan and sauté onions until they are translucent. Return chicken to the pan.

Add chicken broth and gently simmer over low heat until chicken is cooked through. Remove chicken from the pan and tent loosely with foil.

Stir 2 tablespoons of flour into the pan and boil until the sauce has thickened to your taste. Add sour cream and return chicken to the pan and coat with the sauce.

Serve with spaetlze or egg noodles.
Now, if your boyfriend is anything like mine,don’t tell him it has sour cream! And ignore my dirty stove top!! Long day as a Shitty Housewife! 

Kayla Istines and Shaun T

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So I am restarting with this whole working out thing. I have been a big SLACKER for a few weeks now when it comes to getting and staying shape. So today is the day I turn shit around. My winter body will be hot and what other way to motivate myself then masturbating to two in shape sexy beasts.

We all know Shaun T. Hip hops abs, P90X and all those other infomercials, right??? But damn, whether you believe in his mission or not, you can not deny that body! HOT DAMN. Abs for days and a gorg smile too!!! You all know I am a Kayla freak. Not only does her workouts work, but she is a doll to look at too. And her Aussie accent….well good day mate all day girl. So I hope these two not only motivate you, but jerk ya too! Happy Monday! Happy Get Off Day!!

xoxo

Jan O

Shittiest Move of the Week

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My shittiest move is kinda not mine. Well, it is, but it is because of my husbands actions that I am being shitty. He is currently doing something that is annoying and I am planning on being shitty when he gets home. Ya see, he was suppose to go out with a buddy tonight. An early night because we have shit to do, always. Well, this early night is still going on and it ain’t that early anymore. So he is shitty. And I will let him know for the next day or so.

I do not care that he is out. I mean, I kinda do. I mentally have a harder time these days, going out and letting go. I do. Unless I am with him. It is some weird shit I am going through personally. He encourages me to go out and be free and have fun. But for some reason I don’t. And right now I am okay with that.  I have gone through a shitload of mental, physical, social, financial and psychological change sin the past 5 years. Girls night has become something SO unfamiliar to me. I miss it, but it seems so far away. And again, I am cool with it. I will get back out there one day soon, I know I will. But for now, back to him being an ass.

Anyway, I do not care that he is out. I care that I was told a time he would be home and that time came and went. I care that I was looking forward to some time with him after he went out and now that is gone. I care that he can still feel free and I have some weird hang up. Either way, I have been sitting here, texting with his buddy’s wife about what assholes they are. I am planning on giving him the silent treatment. I am thinking about the mean shit I can say to “get back” at him. And why???? He is my husband. I should just call him a douche, and get over it right. I mean, we are committed forever right? In the grand scheme of a “forever” marriage, him going over the time frame he originally claimed to hangout with a friend (who I love and respect) is not that bad. But as a wife and a women, I also have feelings that creep up no matter how confident and comfortable I am in my relationship.

So the shittiest move is a two parter in the O house this week. Him being shitty for this and me being preemptively shitty waiting for him to get home. Ugh…..

Why I left your bitchy Facebook mom group

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I am a member of a handful of mom groups on Facebook and I am loving how they have the ability to connect women and new moms and old moms and just all these women who may otherwise feel alone in a forum format.

These groups act as a sounding board for info for everything from sex after childbirth to ‘holy shit where is the Tylenol my husband just said the dumbest most outrageous thing I have ever heard and I want to punch him in the face‘ to how to get rid of your child’s pacifier dependence (still looking for tips of anyone has any crazy ideas.)

Since I belong to quite a few, I have seen the good and the bad sides to these groups. There are the breastfeeding groups, the baby wearing groups, the new mom groups, the working moms groups, the cannabis moms, the naughty moms, the photography moms, etc. And they all seem to attract a different crowd of moms. They are fucking great.

The one I can’t stand though is the gaggle of moms that think anyone who disagrees with them or acts a bit more modest is a prude or they are acting “better than” them. From what I can tell, they are often the younger moms who feel the need to act bitchy to show they are good mothers.

Let me clarify that I had my first kid at 20 years old and was breastfeeding for my wild 21st birthday bash and I am NOT the best or most traditional mom. I curse, I lose my cool, I wanted to cry when Joss outgrew her onesie that said “I’m with the MILF”. I could easily fit into the bitchy young moms group but fuck that. Since I am a young mom, I get how hard it can be to be a fucking mom, how nothing you ever do is right or fair or what the fuck ever.

My boyfriend asks me why I don’t just leave the groups when they start trashing other moms and honestly I guess I am just so in awe about how ridiculous this shit can get. There is one group in particular that has more drama than I have ever seen. And not even good ‘get the popcorn‘ drama but ‘how the hell do you care about this enough to waste your time on it?‘ drama.

The admins of all people will screenshot arguments from other posts and share them again, tagging the person and taunting them to defend themselves. They will gang up on someone for having a concern about a carseat and how loose it was in a photo. They will call people names and threaten them, claiming they should ‘just die because no one will care.‘ And women in this group will share dick pics to prove their husband is 13 inches which will then be screenshot and deleted by the admins. But don’t worry if you missed it, just message the admins, they will send it to you.

I mean really people? What the fuck? And when you finally get so sick of all of the petty, childish bullshit drama and make a post about why they are losing yet another follower, they will mock you the whole time and put your post in their “pathetic exit speech” album where they will continually mock you, call you names and inevitably start some other dramatic fight that will spin off into another post.

I just want these groups to go back to their normal selves.

I want to know I’m not the only one who has accidentally shot my boyfriend in the eyes when my milk lets down during sex, (sorry hun.)

I want to talk about the best budgeting tips and how your husband is yet another man who thinks the coffee table is magical and cleans itself.

I want to help encourage moms through the hard times and congratulate them on the good times.

I want these bitchy fucking cunts to get over themselves and stop being such nasty people.

This world needs more love and we have to start the trend. Help me out folks. We may be Shitty Housewives but we aren’t shitty people.
Xoxo

Nicole

Perfect is better with Imperfections

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So being a wife means dealing with another human being forever. And not in a “you are my kid, so I HAVE to deal.” But a “you are my husband, so I CHOSE to deal.” No one forces you to get married. Sadly, sometimes ultimatums are givens and people say they felt forced, but they are stupid and should have stood up for themselves. No one FORCES marriage on you. And if they start to…leave them now. You will be unhappy and end up divorced. Anyway, when Matt and I decided to take our relationship to the legally committed stage, I committed to him fully. For all of the great and all of the not so great. And in every relationship there are a lot of both. Let’s face it. No one is perfect, except for Justin Timberlake. So when we get married, we marry someone’s perfections and imperfections.

I think Matt is perfect……for me. Although his imperfections make him even better. Sure there are plenty of things he does that make me crazy. When he gets out of the shower, without fail, it looks like he had a fight with the water. And the water wins, every time. He always says he isn’t fussy about what he wants to eat, but like, he is the fussiest. When he deep cleans the house, he throws man tantrums. And I know I have my things that make him nuts. I am a mess. Like I don’t know how to deep clean. I let the kids eat in the car, no matter how many times he says they shouldn’t. I forget….EVERYTHING. But even though he hates those things, he still loves me.

Matt will tell anyone exactly how he feels, no filter ever, and not feel the least bit bad about it. People think he can be brass or rude, but to him, he is honest and real and I LOVE that about him. People think I take on too much and try to accomplish to many things and get worried about me. He LOVES that I am that way. We loves those qualities about ourselves and did not want to change them to be in a perfect relationship, so we accepted them and now adore these things.

No one will change. Whatever imperfections bug you now about someone will only bug you worse as the years pass. Your tolerance for that THING won’t get better. Matt’s shower/water fiasco that happens on a daily basis will just piss me off more and more as we age. But I know that. Before we married I accepted all the imperfections of this man and devoted myself to dealing with them in the most pleasant way possible (an eye roll, maybe a middle finger behind his back….)

No marriage is perfect. But you don’t stop because of imperfections. The perfect marriage is two people who are imperfect and refuse to give up on each other. Matt and I have the most perfect marriage for us. It is full of love, laughter, loyalty and an endless amount of imperfections.

Ian Somerhadler & Taylor Swift

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This week is all about the pussy. And I am not talking about vaginas….for once. I am talking about cats. I got one this weekend and I am slightly obsessed. He is the cutest kitty ever and I am glad I have a home for him, rather then him being put down. So this Masturbation Monday is dedicated to celebs who love their kitties. Ian and Taylor may not be #1 on your list, but they are hardcore kitty owners who are also insanely attractive. Say what you will about Tay Tay, but she is adorable and Ian….those eyes….melt. And they love a pussy…need I say more!!!!