My blog, The Shitty Housewife has been around for over a year. And although it has done well, I have never been one to get giddy about an abundant amount of shares, reposts, likes and tags. Wait, let me rephrase that. I get giddy if I get one like or a share (even if that share is just my mom!) But I have never gotten a bunch of them because of one post. A handful yes. Several yeah….but a TON…never. Until Sunday.

Sunday, I woke up and was mortified, disturbed and deeply saddened by the news. I was desperate to find out what happened in Charlottesville was a big cruel joke and we, as a nation were being punked. The worst punking ever….but we were not. A bunch of spoiled, closed minded, racist douche bags attempted to make a statement about our country and it turned into a horrific scene that ended up with several injured and one, dead. A bunch of narcissistic assholes decided that whites have been suppressed (what in the actual fuck) and they needed to sport their khakis, tiki torches and nazi waves and make a scene. Welp dickheads….you did make a scene….and no one will ever forget.

Like what the fuck was that????

I will tell you what it was.

Horrible. Disrespectful. Hateful. Atrocious. Disgusting. Like none of the things you wanted it to be, right ,white dudes….not one.

And side note….although our President is one of my very least favorite humans to ever exist, I am not blaming him. I blame him for letting people believe in hate. I blame him for letting people think discrimination is ok. I blame him for only having respect for rich, white men…..but I do not blame him for this.

These idiots were men. That guy who decided that ramming his vehicle into a shitload of HUMAN BEINGS was 20. Fucking 20 years old. He knows bad from good. He knows right from wrong. He knows protesting from terrorism. His poor mom…….she must feel dead inside. Her son took someone’s life because he is a racist pig.

Look if you are not pissed about this, you are wrong.

If you got on social media and talked shit about the Women’s March or said the Black Lives Matter Movement was wrong…..you best be getting behind your computer and going crazy over this! YOU FUCKING BETTER.

If you are mad that people are sitting down during the national anthem during a fucking football game because it is not patriotic and you aren’t mad about this, then there is a problem. There is nothing more UNPATRIOTIC than what happened in Charlottesville. FUCKING NOTHING!!!!

BUT there is hope…right?! I have to believe there is. And Sunday, after I woke up once again, weeping for humanity, I posted something on social media which was small and simple. Something that I did with my children that meant so very much. Something that I wanted everyone to see. People who were just as sad as me and people who didn’t understand why I was sad. I needed comfort and although this post does have a strong sense of fear behind it, the innocence of it made Sunday a tad bit easier.

I posted this

This post. This small and simple post got the most shares, reposts, likes, comments that I have ever received on any Shitty Housewife thing that has ever existed. EVER. YOu guys went nuts over it and made me feel like humanity wasn’t all terrible.

This picture of 5 kids, all different races, sizes, colors, backgrounds, telling the world that they are watching. These 5 BEST FRIENDS, who adore each other and see each other as one thing…humans, are praising love and peace. TOGETHER. These 5 complete strangers, forced to play together one day because their dads befriended each other, didn’t see anything but another kid who was cool and now have ‘slumber parties’ and ‘girls days’ and have nothing but love for each other. They don’t even realize they are different….BECAUSE THEY AREN’T.

These 5 kids, whom I personally LOVE are watching us. Watching YOU. Watching the WORLD. And I will not allow them to see what happen on Sunday and think that is ok. You should not either. This generation behind us, this generation that we are raising. This generation that is our future deserves better. We must do better for them. Screw us, because at this point, we are screwed. But let’s not screw them.

THEY ARE WATCHING.

THEY ARE WATCHING EVERYDAY.

Please world, please.

Thank you all for reposting this picture. Although I do try to be funny and keep things light, I am deeply affected by so much and this affected me terribly. But you all shared away and gave me such a sense of pride. Pride I sometimes give up on these days in this world. But the fact that my silly, quirkey, goofy blog shared THIS post so many times made me so proud. We all are not shitty. There is love. There is peace. There is hope for these kids, OUR KIDS. So thank you. Thank you all for spreading this post and making sure everyone knows that our actions now affect our future. Thank you for letting people know….THEY ARE WATCHING.

Xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

 

So I am on a major health kick. I do this a lot. Hop on one of those health bandwagons and hope for the best. Three days in I usually end up balls deep in High Life, which then takes me into queso chomping mode the next day. It is a vicious cycle that I really need to break. And not so much because it screws with my workouts or how I feel physically, it’s because now that I am getting older, a couple days like that REALLY fuck me up mentally.

Here is what happens. I bust my ass Monday and Tuesday. Like drink a gallon of water each day, get the right amount of proteins and shit. Load up on fruits and veggies. Wednesday rolls around and I am running tired. It’s hump day and I feel humped (and not in a good way.) I normally am sore and end up skipping the ol’ workout. Then there is Thursday, when I try to get motivated again and that fails. Between working full time, the kids, the schedules, I order pizza. Which for sure means a couple beers. Then Friday is a bust because I am a light weight and am hungover after 3 brews. I grab a bagel, then some sort of unhealthy lunch. Then after carpool queso time it is. Then it’s the weekend so who gives a fuck??!!  This is the story of my life these days. And as fun as it is…..it needs to stop.

I started back up with my Kayla Itsines workouts. I know that shit works. It is quick and NOT painess. I also signed up for a 30 day yoga challenge. I used to do yoga all the time. I was so flexible and bendy…now I can’t touch my toes without curling up into a ball. The challenge is about 10 minutes a day. I am on day 8 and have REALLY enjoyed it. It is fast and I would love them to be longer, but I guess easing back into it is probably for the best. Between Kayla and this, I am feeling good about where I am with workouts. Last week I was so sore I couldn’t sit on the toilet without moaning……so I guess something is changing.

My husband had decided to do a little 2 week diet change with me. Cutting out a lot of crap. Trying to change our taste buds a bit. I am really sticking to this and I know him doing the same will help. This means low carbs, lots of fruits and veggies and NO QUESO……for 2 weeks.

What’s even harder than queso….no beer. Now this may be the hardest part for me. That may sound bad, but it is true. Look, I work, I go to school, I have three kids with all different morning drop offs and pickups. We have two houses, a shit load of chores, 3 dogs and a cat. BEER IS ESSENTIAL! But none for me for 2 weeks…..12 days as of when this is posted!

Again, this isn’t about losing weight. It’s about changing my mind set. Getting back on track. Having more energy and feeling mentally on point rather than a mild fog all day. A bonus might be looking better, so I will take it.

I plan on taking some before and after pictures as well. SO we can all judge my results! Hopefully we see some, right?! So wish me luck. And don’t worry, I will be boozing again in no time for your entertainment!

Xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

 

So I have been married for almost 2 years now. Pretty crazy, right??!! I do find it a bit insane that I am a wife. Even after being with Matt for this long, having so many kids, commiting to such an intense and deep relationship….it still just shocks me that I have a husband. When I was younger I  envisioned a future with kids sans a man….but as destiny would have it, I did actually have a soul mate and I was lucky enough to find him.

So we will be entering our second year of marriage at the end of October. And with everything in life, newness can fade and reality becomes very present. What I am saying is….my husband has become a husband and has began doing husbandy things that a boyfriend would NEVER do…….

Matt has always been a real go getter. Like never stops. Always has a task to accomplish and I love that about him. But lately, he wants me so involved in all this shit. I’m mowing the lawn, washing cars and the worst….MOVING HEAVY FURNITURE. Ugh, I can’t fucking stand that shit. All the sudden he wants me to hep him move some huge ass couch that weighs more than me downstairs?? WTF. He would never ask his girlfriend to do that. But I am no longer in that category. I am his wife, so he is like, muscle up sister.

We have both always been super social people. And even after kids, we have managed to continue to be. But lately, I am all tired and just want to sleep and he wants to keep hanging out. And I can complain and bitch like the best of them and I still will come home to neighbors over, all perky and I just man up and get the chips and dip going. But that is a total husband move. A boyfriend would for sure walk on a few eggs shells there, and hold off on the company, right?!

Like today…TODAY!!! He hurt his foot but still HAD to blow the leaves. I told him of course I would, because he is hurt and I don’t want him to feel worse. What he failed to tell me is that he wanted the leaves on the ROOF blown. Then proceeds to hold the ladder and wait for my afraid of heights ass to climb up…..I tried but had a meltdown and now he is making fun of me with his gimpy ass. Totally husband move.

The biggest husband move he has made was last month. I came home to one of Matt’s purging fest. Where he goes room to room and throws a bunch of shit away. I love that he does it…..one less thing for me to do. But I come home and see a pile of clothes in a “donation” bag. No big deal. Except as I take a closer look and see what’s inside…my favorite (and his least favorite) pair of sweat pants. MY SWEAT PANTS! Yes, they are old, and have holes and maybe aren’t that flattering but, they are mine. That fucker was going to just donate those things without even telling him. WHAT A DOUCHE!!! Of course I called him out on it and he wasn’t even that apologetic. He said they were gross and he was going to buy me new ones. A boyfriend would never phathom throwing your gross sweats away. Only a damn husband would.

And I am sure I am doing wife things that I would have never done as girlfriend and I don’t even realize it….but I am The Shitty Housewife, so I have an excuse.

I mean when you are in the same living space with someone after a certain period of time, these things naturally happen.  And when you are so close and experience huge life events and build a strong partnership, comfort is bound to creep in. And it is so comforting to know I am so close to someone I love so much. It has been a very interesting development in this whole marriage thing. Of course there are countless amazing things that have escalated since our wedding but these SUPER HUSBAND things are rearing their ugly heads. And although irritating, they are always entertaining. And of course always plenty of wifely ways to get back at him.

I mean we did say forever, might as well keep each other on our toes!!!

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

MASTURBATION MONDAY……HOT FOR TEACHER EDITION

So it is that time of year. BACK TO SCHOOL. I can not believe that summer is over already. I mean, that shit went so fast!!! I am shocked that Tuesday I will be packing lunches, setting kid alarms and back in to the old school routine. I thought I would take today to thank some hotties who have played teachers (sexy ones at that) and let them run our Monday!

Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher was CRAZY HOT!! (Of course working next to Justin Timberlake was a bonus.) But she was so sexy with her beautiful smile, ripped abs and incredibe long legs. It was a great movie and although JT was kinda lame, Cameron made up for it big time.

Kyle Chandler played Eric Taylor in Friday Night Lights. One badass teacher and coach. He was always so hot at any roled he played on that show. He could teach me a fw things anyday!!

So as you take those First Day of School pictures and get those back packs packed, take a moment for yourself and enjoy some of the hottest educators ever.

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

 

Hello! It’s me again. You have probably forgotten me because I keep leaving you all. I keep saying, “I’M BACK” then I disappear again. This was suppose to be summer break and what happened was the summer rat race from hell. Everything that could have happened, freaking happened. You name it, we experienced it all within the last 3 months. And suddenly, it is the end of July and I am about to have a Kindergartener, a Pre-Ker and a Cameron. WHAT THE FUCK…..

And once again blogging has taken a hit and I know you all miss me dearly……

But this time I really do feel like my load may be getting lighter. I have been promised a better work schedule. I am only 2 classes away from graduating and this semester is a full one, not some shortened summer bullshit. And I really want to take this semester and teach myself how to unwind again. Just not be as busy so I can blog, and write, and talk and make more time for things that make me happy.

So my apologies again for disappearing. I heard that building a blog takes lots of consistency……so I guess it is a good thing this is a shitty blog, right?!

My bad though guys. I will do better this time, I swear!!

Xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

 

In two months from today 4 of my favorite females and I will be making a trek to Tennessee to go to The Pilgramge Festival. Of course we are all beyond excited to see our maiin man Justin Timberlake, but more so than that we get to enjoy the voice and beauty of Eddie Vedder. Eddie has been one of my main dreamboats since I was a freshman in high school. I have seen him live severel times with Pearl Jam, but this show is all him. Eddie oozes sexiness to me. The lyrics he puts together are stunning and when he belts out those notes, it is such a specific, genuine sound. You always know when you are listening to Eddie. I wil obsessing over him for the next two months more than usual. But today we should all take a moment to enjoy him.

Sheryl is a classic beauty as well. I can’t say I am a huge fan of her music, but she just seems like a super cool woman. And damn, she is FINE!!!! She is more into country music these days, which I don’t really partake in, but she is still looking great.

So here is to a Monday filled with beautiful voices and open souls. Thank you Eddie and Sheryl for giving us both.

I leave you with the most daunting, gorgeous, intense Eddie song….and some sexy pictures.

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

 

This week I wanted to talk about SAYINGS. You know….bless your heart, cute as a button, just do it. Shit like that. Shit that we just say, because it is a saying and we are use to speaking. But the majority of these “sayings” are the stupidest things you could say to someone. Most of the time, a “saying” is said for motivation or advice of some sort. But when you break them down, it is REALLY shitty advice. I wanted to talk about a  few of my favorites and let people hear the reality behind what they are saying. Here we go.

Everything happens for a reason…..We have all heard this shit. And trust me, there have been many times in my life when I said it and forced myself to believe it. Just to make myself or someone else feel better. But for real?? EVERYTHING happens for a reason? Because no. It really doesn’t. Like there is no reason for a flat tire, during a rainstorm, when you are alone with children. Trust me….no reason. There is no reason for someone to be left at the altar…I mean the obvious reason is that the marriage would have been shit but call a bitch, don’t just flake on her. There is no reason for an animal, an elder, or child to be abused or neglected. No reason for terrorist attacks. No reason for plane crashes, starvation, Donald Trump. And of course all awful things in life….no reason. So can we stop saying EVERYTHING happens for a reason and start saying “Some things happen for a reason. Some things happen because life can be shitty??”

Let Your Hair Down….This is a saying that you don’t hear too often, but whenever I do hear it, I often get pissed off. The saying “let your hair down” like they want you to relax and enjoy the moment. When the truth is, having my hair down means I have just had to wash it, dry it, curl or flat iron it and the whole process begins with hours of self motivating talks to myself. IT IS SO FAR FROM RELAXING. We should start saying, “Throw that hair up girl…you deserve a break!”

Money Can’t Buy Happiness……I know it can’t. But it can buy a lot of shit that would ease up a lot of stress. I know there is no amount of money in the world that can replace people, or adventures or experiences. But I am lucky to have money that allows for experiences and adventures. Some people don’t. Some people get up day in and day out doing the best they can to just get by. Some people work for nothing just so they can make a difference in this world. Some people are working so hard to even find work, yet they can’t even get an email back saying “sorry, you didn’t get the job.” Yes, these people aren’t going to experience complete, utter and total happiness when they receive cash, but they will be happier. So can we change this one to say “money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy some cool shit, pay some old bills and help you book a plane ticket, so that is pretty awesome.”

When Life Gives You Lemons……There is so much cool shit you can do with lemons. Lemonade, iced tea, chicken piccata….MARGARITAS!!! This shit just aggravates me because I love a lemon and even though I used to be severely allergic to them, I now know how incredibly delish they are. So please life, hand me lemons. I’m gonna start saying, “when life hands you statistics” because what the fuck is that?!

Live Today Like It Is Your Last…..For real, if today was my last I would blow every dollar in every financial account I have, eat every bad for you food that has ever existed, drink an ungodly amount of booze, tell off every human who has ever pissed me off and probably dabble in heroin…because why not, it’s my last day, right?! So I probably should not live today like it’s my last. What a stupid thing to say, right?! Instead, someone should probably tell me, “live today like tomorrow is going to happen.” It just makes much more sense.

That’s it. Those are my least favorite sayings. It’s cool if you have said them to me and sorry if I ever say them to you. It really comes down to thinking a bit before we speak and not repeating something because it sounds good, which is much easier said than done!

Xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

I definitely don’t try and make this a blog dedicated to only moms. Of course, you see the name Housewife and maybe that is what you assume….another mommy blog. But it is not. I try to vocalize way more from a wife/female/human standpoint, than just a mom point of view. But I am a mom. A hardcore one at that (not hardcore like hovering and shit, hardcore like I have a lot of kids.) So today I thought I would write a bit about having kids. A handful of kids…..all very young…..and very incapable of doing things for themselves. I HAVE THREE TODDLERS.

So what is it like living in a house with 3 small kids?????

LOUD- For real. Whether it is screaming, crying, whining, laughing, more crying, there is always noise. Someone is always making some sort of sound. When you cross over the normal 2 kids ratio silence is officially out the window.

STICKY- Gross, I know. But everything is always so freaking sticky in this house. We try to keep up with everyone’s hygiene and of course wash and bathe them constantly, but somehow, someone is always crusted over, leaving a path of sticky grossness to follow.

EXHAUSTING-When there are 3 toddlers in your life sleep is out the window. We do our damndest to get them all to bed at the same time, but that never worls. SOmeone passes out early, then when the next two go to sleep that passed out one wakes up. One falls asleep, then the other one crawls into their bed and wakes them up. One starts crying because of a bad dream and they all wake up scared. And when they do finally all fall asleep and are quiet for more than an hour, you wake up scared to death that something is wrong because you hear nothing but silence (and sience never happens with 3 kids…..)

SEX-LESS- Not one word here people, Matt and I are very healthy in the sex department. But now with 3 kids who are up and mobile and able to open doors and hear things….adult time is is hard to find. We do our best, but I swear there is always a kid right by our side making it harder and harder (PUN INTENDED) to have sex.

WORRISOME-I worry about everything, naturally. But I have this image in my head of someday having a freshman, junior and senior…two if them boys and one getting her period. DEAR GOD!!!!!!! I may not survive.

EXPENSIVE- For the first couple years the baby gets the shaft. You can still get 2 ice creams. 2 toys. 2 stuffed stockings. But once that third is aware of what is going on….shit gets real. Ask for a raise now…you will need it. I have spent lord knows how much on diapers alone and now that Cameron is normal human, he wants everything his brother and sister wants. And the older they get, the more expensive it is getting. Yeah, now it’s toys, games, Dollar Store shit. But soon it’ll be bikes, braces, cars, tuition…fuck I need to get 5 jobs right now.

So yeah, it is intense having 3 small kids. All needy, hungry, thirsty, bored, cranky and STICKY all the time. But you know what else….they are fucking amazing. Every day I get three hugs, three kisses, three ‘I love you’s’, three hearts that make mine swell like I never thought possible. Three little faces that remind me of the love Matt and I have each other. And even though they were all a surprise, all so very scary and all very unplanned, they are ours and I am honored I have three kids I get to help grow into awesome humans. And as sleep deprived, phone call deprived, time deprived I may be, I am the luckiest Shitty Housewife on this sticky planet because of them.

 

Xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O