This week I wanted to talk about SAYINGS. You know….bless your heart, cute as a button, just do it. Shit like that. Shit that we just say, because it is a saying and we are use to speaking. But the majority of these “sayings” are the stupidest things you could say to someone. Most of the time, a “saying” is said for motivation or advice of some sort. But when you break them down, it is REALLY shitty advice. I wanted to talk about a few of my favorites and let people hear the reality behind what they are saying. Here we go.
Everything happens for a reason…..We have all heard this shit. And trust me, there have been many times in my life when I said it and forced myself to believe it. Just to make myself or someone else feel better. But for real?? EVERYTHING happens for a reason? Because no. It really doesn’t. Like there is no reason for a flat tire, during a rainstorm, when you are alone with children. Trust me….no reason. There is no reason for someone to be left at the altar…I mean the obvious reason is that the marriage would have been shit but call a bitch, don’t just flake on her. There is no reason for an animal, an elder, or child to be abused or neglected. No reason for terrorist attacks. No reason for plane crashes, starvation, Donald Trump. And of course all awful things in life….no reason. So can we stop saying EVERYTHING happens for a reason and start saying “Some things happen for a reason. Some things happen because life can be shitty??”
Let Your Hair Down….This is a saying that you don’t hear too often, but whenever I do hear it, I often get pissed off. The saying “let your hair down” like they want you to relax and enjoy the moment. When the truth is, having my hair down means I have just had to wash it, dry it, curl or flat iron it and the whole process begins with hours of self motivating talks to myself. IT IS SO FAR FROM RELAXING. We should start saying, “Throw that hair up girl…you deserve a break!”
Money Can’t Buy Happiness……I know it can’t. But it can buy a lot of shit that would ease up a lot of stress. I know there is no amount of money in the world that can replace people, or adventures or experiences. But I am lucky to have money that allows for experiences and adventures. Some people don’t. Some people get up day in and day out doing the best they can to just get by. Some people work for nothing just so they can make a difference in this world. Some people are working so hard to even find work, yet they can’t even get an email back saying “sorry, you didn’t get the job.” Yes, these people aren’t going to experience complete, utter and total happiness when they receive cash, but they will be happier. So can we change this one to say “money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy some cool shit, pay some old bills and help you book a plane ticket, so that is pretty awesome.”
When Life Gives You Lemons……There is so much cool shit you can do with lemons. Lemonade, iced tea, chicken piccata….MARGARITAS!!! This shit just aggravates me because I love a lemon and even though I used to be severely allergic to them, I now know how incredibly delish they are. So please life, hand me lemons. I’m gonna start saying, “when life hands you statistics” because what the fuck is that?!
Live Today Like It Is Your Last…..For real, if today was my last I would blow every dollar in every financial account I have, eat every bad for you food that has ever existed, drink an ungodly amount of booze, tell off every human who has ever pissed me off and probably dabble in heroin…because why not, it’s my last day, right?! So I probably should not live today like it’s my last. What a stupid thing to say, right?! Instead, someone should probably tell me, “live today like tomorrow is going to happen.” It just makes much more sense.
That’s it. Those are my least favorite sayings. It’s cool if you have said them to me and sorry if I ever say them to you. It really comes down to thinking a bit before we speak and not repeating something because it sounds good, which is much easier said than done!
The Shitty Housewife