Well, it is official….. I have a degree. I have completed my business program and I am a college graduate.

This is something I never thought I would be able to say.

This is something I never thought I would want to accomplish, but my mind changed, my goals changed and I did it.

It is over.

I am kind of in shock. Not because I did complete it, I always knew I would make this happen once I started the process. I am shocked because it doesn’t seem that long that I began this journey and here I am finished with it.

It was brutal. Nothing fun about being in college while you are a grown up with major adult responsibilities. Doing homework while your kids are playing. Taking tests while your husband is doing something fun. Paying for tuition instead of getting your hair done. Working, parenting, and schooling was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. For 4 years I have carried a guilt about not being a good mom, wife, family member, friend….anything, because I had this huge thing to take care of. Squeezing in discussions, assignments, quizzes any place I could. I have felt bad for not returning phone calls, for missing bedtime stories, for being so fucking mentally exhausted. I have beat myself up for deciding to do this because it has interrupted the lives of my family. And just like that…it is over.

Although it did interrupt so much. We had to push back our wedding because of it. I had to take a final 4 hours after giving birth….NO LIE. I literally took a final in a hospital bed getting skin to skin with Cameron 4 hours after he was born. I had a group project due on my honeymoon. I took a quiz the morning of my wedding. This has been nothing but a HUGE interruption. BUT IT IS OVER.

And now what?? I really have no idea. I want to take this week to enjoy and celebrate. I want to take this feeling, this incredible feeling I have never, ever felt for myself and swim in it for a few days. This feeling of pride that I know others have felt for me, but yet I have NEVER felt for myself. I know I have accomplished so much in life. But this is something so incredibly HUGE for me. I am so freaking proud of ME! The amount of times I thought I could not do this. How impossible it felt. How difficult it was. How demanding it became of an already insanely demanding life…..I DID IT. I pushed, I cried, I stressed, I exhausted myself….I did it.

I am proud. I am happy. I am a badass……I AM A GRADUATE.


The Shitty Housewife

Jan O


What I thought I was….what I actually am

I thought I would be a calm, constantly nurturing mother who never raises her voice…..what I am is a mom who runs out of patie

As I get older I have realized so many things about myself.

I have really began to realize that there is a gigantic difference between what I thought I would be and what I actually am.

I guess the next step is embracing this and moving on. I am who I am, and definitely not who I thought I would be.

I thought I would be a wife who cooks, cleans and really embraces the idea behind being a housewife…..what I am is a wife who relies on her husband for the majority of these things. He cooks, he clean, he house husbands, way more then I housewife.

I thought I would be a PTA mom, who is involved and volunteering at every event help at my kids school….what I am is a working mom. I try to do what I can, but most of the time that means writing a check and missing out.

I thought I would be someone who can go out and remain an excellent friend to everyone while I raise a family…..what I am is someone who wants to call, wants to go out, wants to get every invite, but really can’t wait to sit in silence and watch a television show.

I thought I would be a calm, constantly nurturing mother who never raises her voice…..what I am is a mom who runs out of patience, energy and zen and yells…. A LOT.

I thought I would always eat healthy and organically not just for my family, but for myself as well….what I am is someone who REALLY appreciates a happy meal and LOVES grabbing a Fish Fillet.

I thought I would be making so much more money at this age….what I am is broke. Shit is way more expensive then I could have ever imagined, especially when you have a job where you play with dogs.

I thought I would always LOVE working out….what I am is someone who now forces herself to work out because it is a must, there is no more love involved.

I thought I would always play music very loud…what I am is someone who seeks quiet. It is so rare!!

I thought I would always be someone who was satisfied with their job…what I am is someone who is constantly looking for something new.

I thought I would always feel sexy…..what I am is struggling in this department. I lost my sexy ages ago and don’t know how to get it back.

I thought I would be the woman of a special mans dream….what I am is realizing that to be his dream, I must be my own.

I thought I would be able to change the world….what I am is someone who is still figuring out how to change myself.

I think accepting that I am not what I expected myself to be is a big step. Why we would hold ourselves to expectations of things we haven’t even experienced is crazy….but we all do it. All the time. It is time to let them go. I will be the first to do it. Fingers crossed I can accept the real me, can’t expect anyone else too if I can’t. None of us are perfect. But not being perfect makes us indivduals and strugglers and warriors. Learning to change and still love yourself for who you are is so important. Those changes are not mistakes, they are simply new life adventures. 



The Shitty Housewife

Jan O

Kathryn Hahn and Tom Hanks

I haven’t posted one of these in awhile. And maybe because Hollywood is falling apart at the moment??!!! Like for real, every guy you ever had a crush on is a some sort of creeper. I mean, I guess it really shouldn’t come as a huge shock, but it is awful and creepy as fuck. But today I thought about all the cool people out there. Who are good and normal, and not creepers. And I was inspired to do a Mastubration Monday again.

Tom Hanks… if it comes out that he is a creep, my world will be shattered. Mr. Hanks seems like one of us….who happens to be in every incredible movie ever made. So nice, so down to earth, so normal. And although, I probably won’t masturbate thinking about him, I will always appreciate the nice guy vibe he puts out there. So thank you Tom, for keeping real. Keeping it classy and keeping it NOT creepy.

Now for my current girl crush. Kathryn Hahn….OMG, I fucking love this woman and would do anything to have a mom date with her. She is funny, she is real, she is beautiful and she is super sexy. Of course she is killing it in Bad Moms, but was killing it way before that as well. She is one of those actresses who has been around forever and has gotten better with age. Her smile is contagious and I am so happy to be celebrating her today!

Enjoy your non-creepy Masturbation Monday! I hope you all get some alone time to have a good release today!


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

Dear Matt,


Dear Matt,
Two years. 24 months. 730 days….we have been husband and wife. Crazy right?! But not crazy at all because I know you are my person for this lifetime and many more.

I know you are my person because you calm me and excite me all at the same time. I know you are my person because you fight me and agree with me. You boost me and humble me. You accept me for all the good and all the bad. You make me wake up and think to myself “how can I be better.”  You make me feel safe. Safe in all the ways I never imagined I would feel safe. You have restored my faith in men. So much I had lost. Maybe because of my own father, and my own poor decisions with boyfriends in the past. But you came in and gave that faith back to me ten fold. You allowed me to believe in myself in ways I never thought possible. Since I met you I have never thought “I can’t do that.” Now, because of how you make me feel about myself, I believe I can accomplish anything. You make parenting, the scariest/roughest/dirtiest job so easy. As a mom I question myself every few minutes. But you walk in and make those doubts and my “mom guilt” disappear.

But most of all, out of all those things, you have nailed the single most important thing a man can do for his wife. You make me feel ridiculously loved…EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And I will go to my grave astonished at how you do this. Since the moment I became your wife, 730 days ago, you have shown me unconditional love, every day. You have taken the role of my husband and excelled at it so much. I always knew that I would be beyond proud to be your wife. But in the past 2 years you have taken your role, as my husband, and showed me you are just as proud. Even on days that we argue, nit pick and bug each other, you always go one step above that and love me for it. It is simply incredible. And the love you make me feel as your wife is something that I grow enormously grateful for every moment we have together.

Thank you for giving all of this to me. I only hope I give just as much back to you in my own way. There is absolutely nothing shitty about our love for each other and I am forever indebted to whatever force brought us together.

Happy Anniversary my love. Till death do us part….


Your Shitty Housewife

Jan O







Why I Did A Boudoir Photoshoot 6 Weeks Postpartum & Why Every Woman Should

So, Facebook groups have become my very favorite thing about Facebook for quite a few months now. There are groups for absolutely EVERYTHING! There are mom groups, toddler groups, sexy groups, relationship groups, and boudoir groups! A girl I barely know added me to a boudoir group months ago as part of a contest. I am an incredibly novice photographer in LOVE with the power of women’s bodies so I happily joined and found the very best group of empowering, uplifting women and even better, there was booties and babes everywhere!

The group is called ERP Boudoir VIP Group and it is run by the amazing Elizabeth Rose Cole, the mommy of 2 who has created this incredible business of making women feel like fucking rockstars. And y’all, she is the sweetest, most down to earth, chill, fun, comforting, badass I have met. So, when I got the chance at a session with her, I fucking jumped on it. The problem was, I had just had my second baby 6 weeks earlier, so I messaged her and she told me everything I needed to her. I expressed to her my concern with my trouble areas like my belly and she told me, “That’s what most women feel uncomfortable with. But you just had a baby! Of course your belly is going to still be healing. I’ll make sure you look like a goddess. 😊” And boy did she!

I want to give y’all a run down of how my session went because it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life!

The night before, I was up so late picking out the most “sexy” stuff I had, if you want to even call it that. Half of the stuff didn’t fit because it was pre-baby#1 so that was a bit upsetting but I just grabbed everything I could find. What was awesome is that she also has a whole wardrobe at the studio to use that she has handpicked for the best photoshoot attire on any body. And since this shoot was for my fiance as well as myself, she encouraged me to get some things that he might be attached to or that he likes on me. I shaved everything, and I mean everything, moisturized out the wazoo and brushed out my hair. I went to bed with excited butterflies.

The next morning I arrived at the studio to a smiling, warm and friendly Elizabeth. I instantly felt calmer with the cool vibe of the studio and the even cooler Spotify playlist echoing through the rooms. She offered me champagne and we went through the clothes I brought with me. I loved it because she was SUPER honest about what she felt would look best on me and translate to the best photos, and I was happy for the feedback! We talked about what I was comfortable with nudity wise and what kind of vibe I wanted for the shoot. She was willing to do everything from no nudity, implied nudity, and complete nudity without me feeling judged with my decision. Soon, makeup artist, Jennifer Chalk arrived  and we got to work! I sat for the most pampering this mama has gotten in years while Elizabeth did the best pin curl hairstyle, and Jennifer gave me  smokey, sultry makeup look. It was so fun and felt like we had known each other for years! It was all girl talk and baby talk and what I have missed while being at home with the babies and no adult conversations.

Once that was done, it was on to the shoot! The butterflies were back but in such an exciting way! What I absolutely loved is all the guidance Elizabeth gave me. She gave me a run down of how the shoot was gonna go, what she was going to say and so, what I needed to keep in mind, and she even showed me each pose so I could see what she meant when she said certain phrases. One I heard a lot was “arch that back! stick the booty out!” And from that first setup, we got my first shot and one of my faves!

The entire time she was checking her camera display and talking me up, telling me how much she loved it, how excited she was, how great I looked and wow did those words of affirmation help! From there we changed outfits, changed positions, changed locations, changed props etc and the shoot flew by without me ever feeling awkward half-naked in front of some chick I just met. Once we finished up with the shoot, I changed back into my “daytime” clothes and hung out while she worked on some of the photos. What I loved is that in just a couple of hours she had the gallery ready for me to look at instead of waiting for weeks, and we were able to look through them together to pick out prints. She has the most amazing selection of matted prints, albums, metal prints, & canvases for every budget. They are all gorgeous and so belong in your hubby’s/wifey’s sight every morning so they can remember how fucking fabulous you really are! Elizabeth kindly sent me some of my  proofs for this blog post and to share with all of her newest fans (y’all!!!)

And notice how I haven’t talked about being 6 weeks postpartum since the beginning? Because I didn’t fucking remember! The whole session I was si comfortable with Elizabeth that I just knew she would make me look fab and there was nothing to worry about and I felt so sexy! And when I got home a few hours later, Nick let me know how sexy I looked, too. (wink, sex, wink) And that confidence has lasted. After seeing myself in a way so different from the every day mom, messy bun, spit up covered, #PJsAllDay image I am so used to seeing in the mirror, I have realized that I can be the sexy woman who Nick always talks about. I can walk with a strut because I am amazing. I can feel good about myself and know that underneath all this that I am a goddess. And I fucking love that outlook on myself. I feel happier, more confident, more motivated, and more capable.

SO all of that being said, you HAVE TO join her group you HAVE TO go check out her website and you HAVE TO get a session done with her. She has just rolled out her newest referrals program so let her know that The Shitty Housewife Nicole sent you and get your booty into her studio. I promise you won’t regret it!


Me Too


I had totally planned to publish something else today, something funny. Something silly. Something shitty. But then the me too movement began and I find entirely too important to not speak up.

And please, to all my readers who do not feel comfortable speaking up…..I applaud you. Your experiences are most likely far worse than I could ever imagine, and even if they aren’t, YOU SURVIVED. And you never have to re-live it.

I honestly would be shocked to hear of a woman who has NOT been sexually harassed, abused, embarrassed or scared in their life. We have all had some type of sexual harassment, and whether big or little it is all very effective. Sadly, I have had several run-ins. Today I will share a few.

The first time was in my early twenties. I had been on a date with this guy a couple times. I was not very sexually experienced and he didn’t seem like he was in any rush. We had great talks, great outings, just started having a great time. I was very open that I didn’t want to have sex right away. And again, he was totally cool about it. One night we went to a party a mutual friend was having. We ended back at his house listening to music. Then somehow in his room. After some making out, he got up, locked the door, rushed over to me and pushed my head to his crotch demanding oral sex. Of course I freaked. My heart was beating so fast (it is still right now as I write this.) I managed to get out of his grasped. He began yelling at me, telling me I was a cunt if I didn’t do this. Told me he would tell everyone I was bad in bed. Told me all sorts of horrible things as I tried to get out. I pushed him off of me, unlocked the door and ran to my house. Literally RAN…no car, no uber, just an insane amount of adrenaline that was carrying me to safety. I told only a few close friends, one of which told me it was no big deal. Guys expect certain things when dating. I for real thought I had fucked up. I was young, vunrable and influenced by the outside world too much. I flet unsafe and I though I had fucked up. 

Years later I was at a bar with some friends. This is a basic story probably all females (sadly) have encountered. We are out, dressed cute, having drinks….so we are asking for it right?! I was dancing and the next thing you know some man is all over me, hands everywhere they shouldn’t and when I screamed for help, he screams that I’m a slut. Why am I dressed in a mini skirt if I don’t want hands up it. That I was asking for it being out dancing. Thank god for an audience and my girls for being my safety net. He walked away unscathed. I walked into the bathroom, tried to pull my mini down as far as I could, threw on a jacket and apologized for disrupting the fun. Because that is what normally happens when a woman is harassed…..she apologizes.

A couple of months ago I joined my husband, his brother and two of his males cousins for a night out in Nashville. We were meeting up with a group of guys I had never met. We all met at an Airbnb for drinks then out for the night. It was me and about 10 dudes……literally, a sausage fest. We were having a great time. We ended up at this bar that was playing some great dance music. Of course I made my way onto the dance floor. Suddenly, this wasted man has me cornered. He was one of the guys we were out with. I reminded him that he was out with me and my husband and that he needed to back off. He just got closer and closer. His hands were pulling me into him when Matt’s cousin spotted what was happening. A slew of O’Shaughnessy men came running over getting dude out of my space. All 4 of these grown men, getting one dude away from a girl. He was just staring at me in this drunked, gross, violating gaze. We ended up leaving the bar, and I did not sleep at the AirBnb that night. I don’t know what happen to that dude that night. I did hear how drunk he was and that he didn’t know what was going on. I blew it off…..I felt like I had too. One because my husband probably would have ended up in jail and because I didn’t want to feel like a nuisance to all these guys and ruin their night.

Yep, I said it. I am a 38 year old woman who was scared of an overpowering drunk man who had me cornered and I felt like a nuisance. Doesn’t seem right, huh.

This is the norm.

We apologize. We hide. We lie. We don’t speak up. We feel like it is our fault. We are used to this behavior being normal.

It is not.

So….. me too. And my scenarios weren’t even that bad…..which is so sad. That there is even a scale on what is bad and what is horrible. They all are awful and should not be the norm.  If you have never felt violated, or victimized, or unsafe  you are truly one of a female kind.

If you have felt violated, victimized or unsafe, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and YOU NEVER EVER NEED TO APOLOGIZE.

I will start apologizing only to myself for not allowing myself time to process these events, because these events are not normal. And thankfully I have had a million more beautiful, sweet, kind and respectful experiences than these horrible few.

But in the end….

Me too.


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

I Fell In Love, Again


I fell in love with my husband a few days ago…..AGAIN.

And not that I ever fell out of love with him, ever. I just think it is normal to be with someone for awhile and the ebbs and flows life make you just move about each other in a friend way. Roommate way. Buddy way. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But what makes us NOT friends, roommates or buddies, is that I MAD love him and every once in awhile I re-fall in love with him so passionately it gives me butterflies.

I have been struggling with some internal emotions about work and what to do with my life after school. And although I am so happy to be done, I am so nervous I will freak out, because I am used to being SO busy…I have forgotten how to NOT be busy. Like I can’t relax. And I also feel like there is SO much this world needs in so many different aspects of life…THERE IS NO TIME TO RELAX!

I was complaining about work. I was complaining about applying for jobs. I was complaining about missing the kids. I was complaining about missing out on work. I was just complaining. This man…my husband, who has been watching me bust my ass, stress, cry. This guy who pays all my bills and pays me my paycheck. This guy who has been the ONLY person in my life who did not discourage me from taking ALL the classes made it clear. I CAN and WILL do whatever I need to do next. And whatever I choose, he will support me. Emotionally, spiritually, financially. And yes, that is what a partner is supposed to do. But so many can’t. And so many simply don’t.

Maybe most husbands would be just as supportive as mine. Maybe not. I only know what this incredible man does for me and I am glad I will never know what another man will do, because Matt is stuck with me forever.

Whatever words he spoke…I can’t even remember verbatim. He made me feel so good. So appreciated. So excited. So supported. And most importantly…SO LOVED. As I walked away from the conversation he said “And by the way, your ass looks beautiful.” I turned around and 100% completely fell in love with him.

That’s what makes relationships work. Everyday is different and some days…. a lot of days, can be boring and redundant. And that is no big deal. Life is not going to be exciting everyday, no matter how hard you try. But every once in awhile you need to stop. Crack open a few beers. Dive into a serious conversation and really reconnect. You are married for a reason. You fell in love for a reason. You choose this person for a reason.

And when that reason creeps up out of nowhere and compliments your ass, you smile, eat it up and fall in love all over again.


The Shitty Housewife

Jan O


Top 10 Vegas Memories


Vegas has always felt like a second home to me. And not just because my parents and many Aunts and Uncles live there. Las Vegas is one of those places that hugs you as soon as you see the strip. It grabs you tightly, gives you a big squeeze and makes you feel warm all over. I, like so many others, am dumbfounded by what happened there this weekend. But instead of glorifying a horrific act of terror, I have decided to celebrate this incredible community. I wanted to share with you guys some of my absolute favorite stories about my times in this amazing city.

So here we go…

My Top Ten Las Vegas Memories


  1.  I am one of the rare few who can claim they celebrated their 21st birthday in Vegas. Yep, I flew out from Athens, GA and met all of my San Diegan friends and we brought in my 2-1 Vegas style. It was AMAZING!!! Although my memories are few and far between, I do know that shit was incredible and a once in a lifetime.


  1. I was escorted back to my room by security after bringing a cute boy into the girl’s bathroom at the Rio. After the 3rd time of being told to stop, the security guard decided I needed to be put to bed.


  1. I was in a costume contest for Halloween one year at the club Light, dressed as the Hamburglar. It was adorable.


  1. I forced one of my best friends to have sex with a hot Austrailian at the MGM Grand….(I was not single, someone had to do it!)


  1. $5 Steak dinners in Old Vegas, followed by thrift store shoppings with the coolest aunt and uncle to ever exist.


  1. One Vegas Halloween my girlfriends and I found a guy dressed as a giant Caulk. We had worn our costumes the night before. The dress code was costume required. Two of us threw on some sunglasses and went as celebs, and one put blobs of lotion on her chest and went as “The only girl who could handle the giant Caulk.” We definitely got into the club.


  1. For my graduation from cosmetology school my sister and our friend met up in Vegas. The friend was approached by a man who asked her to stand next to him at a craps table and he would give her $10,000. She denied it. I called my boyfriend at the time and told him. His exact words were “If anyone offers you $100, you take it.” #neverforget


  1. The piano bar at the New York, New York……ALL THE GOOD MEMORIES


  1. I met a guy at a Halloween party in the Mandalay Bay (I was dressed as a Wiatch….a gansta witch.) I told him I had a boyfriend (which I did) he told me he was gay so no biggie. We hung out for 8 hours. We danced, we drank, we walked around the strip until the sun was up. It was one of the most amazing 8 hours of my life. He was gorgeous and fun and witty. He walked me back to my room. Gave me quick kiss and said “I am not gay. I was just really attracted to you and really wanted to hang out with you. Thanks for an amazing night. You are a very special woman.” I wonder, to this day, whatever happened to that beautiful man. (I came home from Vegas and immediately broke up with my boyfriend.)  #bestsexineverhad


  1. And my number one memory Vegas…..showing up to my hotel room for years and years and years and having a fully stocked booze fridge and snacks waiting for me and my friends. #BESTMOMEVER


I love you Vegas. You have been so good to me and my family. I want to give you the same big hug you always give me. I am terribly saddened by what happened and that so many are suffering. And not just in Vegas, but tourists from all over. No other city is so welcoming to all outsiders.  Between visits with my friends and many family gatherings, Vegas has been my second home. A place I deeply love because it has given me so many incredible memories and experiences. I will not allow one person to take away any ounce of love, safety and comfort I feel when I go visit. Thank you Vegas for all you do for us. I am looking forward to many more memories made with you…..


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife



So I have been all talk about this weekend and the music festival I am attending. 3.5 days away from responsibility in a field of Bohemian wearing young girls, loads of drugs that I have probably never heard, and an insane amount of SEXY ASS performers. For real. Justin Timberlake, Eddie Vedder, Ryan Adams, Trombone, Shorty, Fitz and the Tantrums, The Averett Brothers (you jealous yet???)

And on top of that….we have VIP Passes. Access to front row, open bar, our own bathroom, open bar, tents, OPEN BAR!!! I mean how the hell is this actually happening??? It is like a freakin dream and I am about to live it for real.

But I want to tell you what I am really the MOST excited about. I am going with 4 old friends. All five of us, getting together from all over to experience this together. One from New York. One from LA. One from Virginia Beach and two of us from Atlanta. All taking this Pilgrimage together and enjoying the true meaning of GIRLS TRIP.

Kim, Kara, Kate, Talia and myself are saying peace out to our hectic adult lives to lounge around a hotel room, laugh, celebrate and enjoy for 3 days. We are stopping this whole “too busy to talk” mentality for a weekend to reconnect, relax and rejuvenate ourselves and our relationships….with each other.

The idea that these 4 women and I are about to let loose and enjoy these shows together means more to me than any hot musician ever could. I mean, I would much rather have sex with Justin or Eddie…but my girlfriends are pretty sexy, so I’d much rather go back to the hotel with them.

We need this. I NEED THIS SO DESPERATELY. I have had a hard time being as good of a friend as I used to be before kids. I have not figured out how to do both. When I am alone in the car, I should pick up the phone and call someone, but I don’t. It is the only time I can be silent. Fuck, I even turn music OFF when I am driving alone because my mind LONGS for quiet. I should invite people out for quick dinners or a drink, but I am so damn tired, after work, school, life…. I just want to sleep. I should go out to more things my friends invite me too, but when I punch out, I just want to see my babies. I know I complain about them a lot, but they are growing up so fast and I just want to see them. I have become a bad friend. I know it. They know it. I have not figured this area of motherhood out at all. But this weekend, I am working towards it, and it makes me so happy!

Girlfriends are the truest relationships we can have as women. Outside of the intimacy we have with our partners, girlfriends are the next closest thing. We tell them things we don’t tell our partners, our mothers, our therapists. In a way a girlfriend is all of those combined, plus our own private comedian, with shared inside jokes. They watch us grow. They let us go. They get mad at us and are always the happiest for us. My girlfriends mean the world to me and this weekend I am going to eat them and the time we are sharing up.

So Pilgrimage Fest, here we come. And as you see and hear me talking shit about a ménage a trois with Justin and Eddie….know that there are four females standing next to me fulfilling every fantasy I have for this weekend.

Let’s do this ladies!!


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife

Wanting It All

I don't know if it is a fault of want it all.

So as many of you know, I am a working mom. I was a stay at home up until my 3rd child was about 3 months old. Then I decided to work part time for my husband to get out of the house. Being at home with 3 babies was making me lose my mind. Like for real. I was miserable. I was broke, hated asking for more spending money and lonely. Yes, I was surrounded by these three smart, funny, beautiful babies, but all I did was give, give, give. I thought working would be a good way to get out and be productive.

My mother in law then retired and moved here to help with the kids, which meant I could work more. Plus because insurance here in the US is the shittiest thing ever, I had to up to 30 hours a week, so my family’s insurance wouldn’t be more than our mortgage. I enjoyed it…for awhile.

But I will be honest. I miss being at home. And I don’t even want to really be “at home” but I feel like now is the time to HAVE TIME and I just don’t. Now there is gymnastics, soccer, PTA meetings, Girl Scouts, social events and I have to pick and choose which ones to go to and which ones to miss. But I don’t want to miss any of them. Like at all. I feel like I grew these cute creatures inside of my body, gave up a set of 6 pack abs (and many, many 6 packs of beer) to grow them safely in my belly. I worked to bring them into a healthy environment, pushed them out after hours of tough labor. I stayed at home with them, nursed them, sang to them, got up with them all hours of the night. I gave up my own business. I gave up plenty of girls nights. I gave up a lot because I wanted to be with these teeny tiny babies. And it was incredible. But now, they are cool little humans doing all this cool shit and where am I……fucking working.

It kinda sucks. And I know when school is over for me and I get a different job with more stable hours, I won’t have to miss so many things, but that could be months away. I mean, I don’t graduate until December and job hunting can take FOREVER. I don’t regret staying at home when they were babies, because I loved that I was there with them. But now it’s like…ugh….all that work to miss all the fun shit???!!!

I don’t know if it is a fault for us females….to want it all. Whether or not,  it is certainly a burden to carry. I want to be an independent, entrepreneurial woman who needs no one and makes her own money….all while being a trophy wife, who gets to workout, volunteer, join PTA, buy al she wants and save the planet.

I know women have been doing this for years. Working, cheering, making ends meet and families work for centuries and centuries. Maybe one of these days I will figure out how to do it myself. The idea of missing out on seeing my kids do things makes me so sad. But it makes me even sadder to think my husband has to carry all the financial stress. There has got to be a happy medium that I have yet to figure out.

Until that time comes, I will just pick and choose my battles (don’t all moms do that daily anyway?!) What would I rather this week…..hours to provide or hours to play. Either way, I may always feel weird about having one more than the other. That is the nature of the female beast. Always wanting more or less, but  being irritated at whichever outcome you choose.

Wanting it all is hard. Sometimes I wish I didn’t. Sometimes ,when my husband asks me if I want to stop working I want to shout YYYEEEESSSS. But I know within weeks I would be longing for work. I know after a week’s worth of only children activities, ol bitchy mom would creep out again and I would be kicking myself for not working. Ugh, yet another love/hate battles for us women…..maybe I should just finally, after 38 years of trying, realize, you can’t have it all……and maybe having it all is just having too damn much.


Jan O

The Shitty Housewife