So I thought I would bless our Monday with beauty and talent. Musical talent. And although these two might not be your type on the radio, they certainly should be your type between the sheets. Hot damn, these two…

Fiona Apple and Paul Banks

Both are so freaking hot with their quirky, odd, weird ways. Fiona has been one of my favorite musicians since she rocked our ears with Criminal. Remember that video??? How could we forget. And Paul, the lead singer of Interpol, well let’s just say he has a song I call “my orgasm song.” SO HOT! I have been lucky enough to hear him live and man ol man, he is too much for words.

So enjoy this rock and roll Masturbation Monday, lord knows I will!

Adam Levine & Ruby Rose

Another Monday is here. Hopefully we all got out some sexual energy this weekend, but if ya didn’t here is a pair of sexy ass people to help you with your release today.
This is not a couple, but it is a hot duo. I am in love with body art aka tattoos. I do not have many myself (just three small ones) but I think they are hot as shit on men and women. So today’s Masturbation Monday is all about fine people with finer tattoos…

Adam Levine and Ruby Rose

Both musically inclined, decent actors, gorgeous as shit and all tatted up. Look, I may not be the biggest fan of Adam’s music, but I am a fan of looking at his body. And Ruby…come on. Where the fuck did she come from??? She is so sexy it is INSANE!!!!! So enjoy yourself. Enjoy these pics and tug on…..lord knows, laid this weekend or not, I will.

Joe & Sofia

Another Monday has crept up. Good thing my blog job is to find attractive people for my readers to drool over….makes Monday much easier. Since I am on a kick of hot couples I thought of one that is just too freaking hot for words. Like they are both abnormally hot. Like from Planet Hot. They recently got married and thank god they found each other. Any person who was not them would have to feel some what inferior to them and their looks. It is just almost not even right how fucking hot they are…….

Sofia Vergera and Joe Manganiello

Just stop it, the both of you. I actually can’t even think about either of them when masturbating because I almost immediately feel like a gross dog. SO I just think about the two of them just doing each other and boner is back. So sit back, sip that Monday coffee and enjoy those dirty thoughts about this married life scenario!

Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel

So as we try and test a few things on this blog, I decided that for a few weeks, Masturbation Monday would be all about some hot couples. I mean, this is a housewife blog and a housewife normally has another player on their team right?? And some couples, well they are great to think about as a team…on top of you. These men and women whether together or not are just damn hot and will make any fantasy on a lame Monday so much better.
The first couple we are featuring is one of the sexiest matches alive. He the hottest man ever (according to me) and she is the bitch who snagged him (excuse my language.) They are hot, funny, talented and I would bone them both. Together or separately.

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

Easter Booty

I am not going to let some pastels and church bonnets stop me from some alone time fun. Happy Easter friends and welcome to Masturbation Monday, Easter addition. This time of year seems so innocent and childlike, but I can find the sexiness anytime especially with a basket of goodies if you know what I mean….

Benedict Talley

Remember True Blood. Remember the hotness. remember….EGGS. Yes that is right ladies and gents, Benedict Talley!! This one could poach my eggs anytime (what does that even mean??!!) He owned his role on True Blood, making all of us ladies and men a little runny in the pants. Lets take a big bite out of our cadbury’s and appreciate this EGGceptional piece of man.

Anna Faris

Easter can bring out all types of spirit animals….especially bunnies. Which is why our Masturbation Monday Easter Addition is featuring one of the hottest bunnies ever. None other than the House Bunny herself….Anna Faris (you thought I as going straight to Playboy right?!) Why we love her? She is adorable, funny, a mom and a HOUSEWIFE!!! And I know a lot of folks who want to peep this jelly bean.

Happy Easter guys. I hope it is as sexy as ours!

Irish Masturbation Monday

Well here we are….another Monday. Another sesh alone in the bathroom. And since this week is Saint Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be time to celebrate some sexy folks from good ol Ireland. Is it the accents? The blue eyes? The fair skin? I am not sure what it is, but combine all of the those traits and you are in for some good alone time.
This week Irish picks are Jamie Dornan and Evanna Lynch.
Jamie or as most of you know him…Christian Grey is the sexiest fucking man alive. I know a lot of people do not agree that he should have gotten the 50 Shades role, but man, I was happy. He is a model first and foremost. His accent might be the sexiest voice to ever exist…. and he is a husband and dad…just stop it. And who cares about his acting.. he could whip my ass any day.
Evanna is most well known for her role in Harry Potter. She is now all grown up and man….she is a hottie! Now she is doing stage work in Ireland (like Broadway stage, not stripper… we are not that lucky!)
So grab a Guinness, enjoy the pictures and hook up your corned beef. Happy Masturbation Irish Monday.

Lenny Kravitz & Adriana Palicki

So this week we mixed it up a bit some of the most scrumptious chocolate and smoothest vanilla.  Whether it’s rock&roll and tattoos or sun dresses and ice blue eyes we gotcha covered for that special time.  Remember it’s your soap and its your shower you can wash it as fast as you like.  So ladies & gents enjoy Mr. Lenny kravitz and Adrianna Palicki.

Ellen Page & Leo DiCaprio

Seeing as though the Oscars were last night, I decided to have today’s Masturbation Monday be all about two amazing actors. And besides them being incredibly talented, they are also SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!  Both are the epitome of super stars yet have such a mysterious vibe about them. So here we go, get your hands ready…Ellen Page and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Ellen Page….So we all feel in love with this gal in Juno. She nailed that role and was freaking adorbs while doing it. She went on to gain incredible leading roles, holding her own next to some pretty big stars!  She has dated some super hot men and now, after coming out of the closet, some pretty sexy ladies too. Whoever she is banging, she looks hot doing it!
Leonardo DiCaprio…..No words. There isn’t a 30 something, female on this planet who has not crushed over this guy. I mean from back in the Basketball Diary days to Wolf of Wall Street…he never has ever looked bad. He only seems to date models and probably only deserves to date models. I mean, yeah, I want to bang him, but would feel like a disgusting, gross looking human after comparing his beauty to mine. He is just perfection. And if I ever did get a chance to bang him, I would totally make him do his Departed accent while we were hooking up……SWOON. 

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds

In honor of this site celebrating love, marriage and all that jazz, I thought this Masturbation Monday would be dedicated to one of the hottest, happiest and sexist couple alive. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. I am not going to write about them separately, because alone, they kinda bug me (don’t ask me why….) but together….DDDDAAAAAYYYYYUUUUMMMMM. She is so beautiful it is almost painful and he is like a real life Ken doll. Like, how is one so fucking handsome? They have a kid and they always speak so highly of one another. It’s so fucking adorable. I bet they have some freaky adult time though!!!!! So let’s wash away the Monday Blues and stroke one out for this pair!

Tina & Paul

There is nothing sexier than funny. When someone can make me laugh, my hormones get set on fire. Laughing is a huge component of happiness as well as sex. So today’s Masturbation Monday goes to two of the funniest and sexiest people alive.

Tina Fey

We all fell in love with her on Saturday Night Live. First as a writer, than as a show member. Since she bangs out some pretty amazing movies and takes nerdy sexy to a whole new level. I think all men want to bang her and all women want to hang with her. She is beautiful, smart, witty and worthy of some quiet alone time yourself this Monday.

Paul Rudd


SWOON! I mean how does he even exists. He nails every role he plays and his is a comic genius. Every movie he is in, he makes the funny guy turn into the hot guy. Whether he is playing a dad, a brother, a super hero or just the token funny best friend, he is sexy as hell and makes me all hot and bothered. Keep on making movies Paul and keep on making me frisky!