I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. I think it is the most ridiculous day ever. To some it is a day to feel pressure to make your significant other feel like the king/queen of the world. To others, it is a day to feel bad about not having a significant other at all. Both ideas are just so stupid. I am a hard-core believer in giving love every single day. I am a married woman who has fully committed herself to my man. He and I both deserve to feel love every damn day from each other. And we may not actually say the words “I love you” every day (we actually don’t…AND THAT IS OKAY!!!) but we show it in our actions and with other words. I get a daily “I am so proud of you” “You are such a great mom” “Thank you for cooking” and “Nice Ass” daily. His actions by providing for me, doing chores, taking the kids somewhere, creating this beautiful life with me, show me how much he loves me. And I always make sure I do the same back. When we are having adult fun time, we really show each how much we love each other by doing the one amazing act he and I only do with each other. WE ARE COMMITTED and no flowers or chocolate can compare to that.

I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. So fucking much. I never celebrate it. I never had and never will. He has always done something on this awful day for me. Our first Valentine’s Day together, I was 8 months pregnant with our first child. He came home with cheese dip, flowers, Payday candy bars and a perfect card. I know he felt like he had too… it’s the day to do things like that. I explained to him that I was not lying, I hate it, we do not celebrate it. Year 2, he still didn’t get it. He came home with flowers, high life, a card and cooked me a wonderful dinner. Again, we had the conversation. No more! Year 3… same routine. Last year, I was 8 months pregnant again. I came home from running errands to a brand new pink laptop. Matt and I have had 4 fights. This was number 3. I was angry, yelling, being such a bitch. Finally he yelled back, which he does not do. You see, Matt has probably yelled at every single human being he knows at some point in his life, but never me. Ever. Except last Valentine’s. “Take the computer and be thankful Jan. It is a gift. Get over it.” I felt awful. My hatred of this day made me sound ungrateful. But I wasn’t. I just don’t want him to feel forced to make me feel special. I don’t want love to ever feel like it is something that has to be shown. To me it takes so much away from what is so incredibly magical about being in love. Being deeply in love is one of the most powerful feelings I’ve ever felt. And I have thought I had felt it before, but with Matt it is so different. I hold it so high above everything in my life that I don’t want it to ever be demoted to some commercialized thing.

I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. And I need to get over it. I have kids and their school will do the Valentine’s Day card exchanges and dances. I will teach my daughter to go and stand tall with a date or alone. I will teach my sons to play the game nicely and not be assholes to people they may or may not like. They will want to celebrate this stupid day. Clearly my husband enjoys it (although after last years fiasco he may have learned his lesson.) I know I need to get over it. But I just feel strongly about it. Love is not something we should ever feel bad about not having. Love is never something that should be cheapened oversized balloons. Love is an expression of two people who truly understand each other on an incredibly deep basis. Love is accepting someone for all of things that make them perfect and IMPERFECT. Love is seeing someone every single morning and every single night and that still doesn’t seem like enough.

I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. But I fucking love, love. Sounds like an oxymoron right? Maybe I just didn’t get that girly V-Day gene. It’s cool. I will continue to hate it, but I will pretend. I will continue to warn my husband not to get me anything and he will most likely continue to by me things. I will continue to urge him that I don’t enjoy forced present, rather he should just continue to be him and love me the most natural way he can. I adore love. I am so lucky to have found this love. There isn’t a card, or bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates that could ever embrace the love we have for each other. I mean, the one year the queso and High Life was nice, because they are my two favorite things, but, and I can’t believe I am about to say this….I do love Matt more than those two things. So go on Valentine’s fan and buy all the candy, balloons and red crap you can find. I just hope your Valentine appreciates you more than it.

Recently I have been questioning a lot about how much we should get involved in other people’s business. And I am not talking about being nosy. I am talking about hearing someone’s choice and then taking it upon ourselves to judge them about it.

I have realized that the older I get the more I am judged. As my age bracket changes (gross,) people feel the need to have more to say about my lifestyle and choices. Which is so odd to me, because shouldn’t it be the opposite? Shouldn’t my choices when I was young and dumb be questioned more than now? When I am much older, a tad bit wiser, but a shit load more experienced?  It doesn’t make sense. When did it become so normal and okay to sit around and judge people and their decisions? When did talking shit become so normal that no one even questions when they are doing it? When did we all become so educated and so fucking worldly that we have the right to tell someone their choice is wrong??

Now look, there are some wrong choices. If you are straight up harming someone, cheating on someone, killing someone or being cruel to a child, an animal or the elderly, YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT and you deserve to be judged. You do…sorry. But nowadays everyone is judged for just living life. We are being criticized by friends, family and people who don’t even know us for EVERYTHING. What school your kid is being enrolled in. What neighborhood you decide to live in. What kind of job you do or don’t take. If you decide you don’t want kids, or if you decide you want more kids. What kind of clothes you wear, what kind car you drive. God forbid you are a mom, and you bottle feed! And even worse if you are a parent who believes in scolding!! It is like we cannot make a choice for ourselves without someone out there saying something about it being in the wrong. And even if someone doesn’t speak out, the look of judgement is loud and clear. We have all seen that look and that shit is the worst.

I know I make daily choices that people do not agree with. How Matt and I raise our kids is pretty different from a lot of parents out there. There is a lot of yelling, lots of rules, lots of freedoms and LOTS OF FORMULA! But ya know what, our kids are so normal and so adaptable and overall super fucking cool. I know that when I decided to get a part-time job to get away from them and get some adultness in my weekly life, I was judged. People did not agree with my choice and thought it wasn’t a good idea. When I decided to go back to school, there was judgement. Yes, it required pushing our wedding back. Yes, it was more money and time spent away from the family. But why did anyone care? It was my choice and effected no one but my little family. I have even gotten backlash from starting this blog. But that is crazy to me. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. My thoughts have always been this, I am the least  judgmental human being on the planet, so just give it back to me. If I start hurting animals and old people, get on my case, otherwise, it’s cool. I promise.

I just don’t understand when we became such an openly opinionated group of people. Aren’t we taught acceptance in kindergarten? Isn’t being different good? Aren’t we supposed to be supportive of our differences? When did stating your opinion about not liking something someone else is doing, even though it affects you in no way shape or form become the norm?

It just really bugs me. I want my kids to grow up in a place where they can be openly accepted for who they are and what they decide to do with their lives. I don’t want them have to walk on egg shells in fear that someone will give them that judgmental look. I want them to truly believe they have support from people because their choices really only affect them and no one else.

I just hate what we have become. If someone is doing something you don’t agree with, why the fuck care. Let them do their thing. Let them learn from their mistakes. Let them grow and help nurture that growth. We all need to do this. It should be our job to leave our judgement the door and like we learned in Pre School, IF YOU DON’T HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T FUCKING SAY IT! (Well maybe we didn’t the F-bomb that early.)

I just think it is time for everyone to just chill the fuck out. Life is hard, and things are really shitty sometimes. You never know what someone is going through. And while you are sitting there judging them, they are just trying to get through it. Or maybe they are just like me. Super happy, not afraid of something new, and just weird. It doesn’t make me a bad person. None of my choices do. So everyone just relax. Do you and the next time you find yourself judging, punch yourself in the face.