Shittiest Move of the Week

Happy Friday people, or as I like to call it, Happy Start to Drink Beer Day!

Another week has past and numerous funny, inappropriate, and shitty things have happened in The Shitty Housewife’s Household. Now once again, I could pick my worst for this week, but I thought I would instead take you down memory lane. Super Bowl memory lane, when I was the Shittiest House Guest EVER!

Last year at this time I was weeks away from giving birth to my third baby. Now I may call myself The Shitty Housewife, but I do also think I am a bad ass. And even though the baby could have been arriving at any minute, I decided to take an 8 hour road trip with Matt, Viv and Kell to visit his sister for her Super Bowl party. You know, because most women travel that far with labor impending….again, I think I am a bad ass.


The trip was going great. I tried my best to keep up. I walked the beaches, I stayed out late with the adults. I pretended that the actual human inside of me was not a big deal. So the day of the Super Bowl, we had a long menu of unhealthy food prepared. I mean, a variety of meats doused in sauce, dips galore, desserts aplenty and of course….CHEESE.


I gorged. Liked took the word gorged to a whole new level. I was actually disgusted with myself at one point, but I was 8 months pregnant, it was the Super Bowl and as everyone else drank and partied, I just sat and ATE.


I stayed up for the whole game and then exhaustion hit. I was full, tired and ready for a great night sleep.


Suddenly at 3 am shooting pains in my abdominal hit hard. I shot out of bed.

“Holy Shit, am I in labor?!” I thought. I waddled out of bed and stood up. It just got worse. I was keeled over. Matt was in the other room sleeping with the kids. Then I realized I was going to vomit….NOW. I ran as fast as my big ol self could to the bathroom and as soon as I opened the door I started puking. I grabbed the trash can and threw up. Crawled my way to the toilet and spent the next 2 hours throwing up all the yummy food I had just spent hours eating.




When I was done, I cleaned up as best as I could in my exhausted, puke aftermath haze. I put the trash can outside the front door and waddled back to bed.



The next morning was a blur. We woke up late and had to rush to get on the road. I knew I looked as awful as I felt because everyone was asking me what was wrong. I just wanted to get in the car, get this long road trip over with, get home and never eat again. About an hour into our drive home I was telling Matt what had happened, when I suddenly realized I never cleaned out the bathroom trashcan. I just left it outside of their front door, puke stained.

I think I cut cheese out of my diet for the next 3 weeks, until Cam made his arrival. This year, Super Bowl will be much different. I will still eat, I will still enjoy the food, but maybe, just maybe I will have a little self control. And I won’t be ordering any wicker trashcans off Amazon…

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