I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. I think it is the most ridiculous day ever. To some it is a day to feel pressure to make your significant other feel like the king/queen of the world. To others, it is a day to feel bad about not having a significant other at all. Both ideas are just so stupid. I am a hard-core believer in giving love every single day. I am a married woman who has fully committed herself to my man. He and I both deserve to feel love every damn day from each other. And we may not actually say the words “I love you” every day (we actually don’t…AND THAT IS OKAY!!!) but we show it in our actions and with other words. I get a daily “I am so proud of you” “You are such a great mom” “Thank you for cooking” and “Nice Ass” daily. His actions by providing for me, doing chores, taking the kids somewhere, creating this beautiful life with me, show me how much he loves me. And I always make sure I do the same back. When we are having adult fun time, we really show each how much we love each other by doing the one amazing act he and I only do with each other. WE ARE COMMITTED and no flowers or chocolate can compare to that.
I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. So fucking much. I never celebrate it. I never had and never will. He has always done something on this awful day for me. Our first Valentine’s Day together, I was 8 months pregnant with our first child. He came home with cheese dip, flowers, Payday candy bars and a perfect card. I know he felt like he had too… it’s the day to do things like that. I explained to him that I was not lying, I hate it, we do not celebrate it. Year 2, he still didn’t get it. He came home with flowers, high life, a card and cooked me a wonderful dinner. Again, we had the conversation. No more! Year 3… same routine. Last year, I was 8 months pregnant again. I came home from running errands to a brand new pink laptop. Matt and I have had 4 fights. This was number 3. I was angry, yelling, being such a bitch. Finally he yelled back, which he does not do. You see, Matt has probably yelled at every single human being he knows at some point in his life, but never me. Ever. Except last Valentine’s. “Take the computer and be thankful Jan. It is a gift. Get over it.” I felt awful. My hatred of this day made me sound ungrateful. But I wasn’t. I just don’t want him to feel forced to make me feel special. I don’t want love to ever feel like it is something that has to be shown. To me it takes so much away from what is so incredibly magical about being in love. Being deeply in love is one of the most powerful feelings I’ve ever felt. And I have thought I had felt it before, but with Matt it is so different. I hold it so high above everything in my life that I don’t want it to ever be demoted to some commercialized thing.
I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. And I need to get over it. I have kids and their school will do the Valentine’s Day card exchanges and dances. I will teach my daughter to go and stand tall with a date or alone. I will teach my sons to play the game nicely and not be assholes to people they may or may not like. They will want to celebrate this stupid day. Clearly my husband enjoys it (although after last years fiasco he may have learned his lesson.) I know I need to get over it. But I just feel strongly about it. Love is not something we should ever feel bad about not having. Love is never something that should be cheapened oversized balloons. Love is an expression of two people who truly understand each other on an incredibly deep basis. Love is accepting someone for all of things that make them perfect and IMPERFECT. Love is seeing someone every single morning and every single night and that still doesn’t seem like enough.
I hate Valentine’s Day. I do. But I fucking love, love. Sounds like an oxymoron right? Maybe I just didn’t get that girly V-Day gene. It’s cool. I will continue to hate it, but I will pretend. I will continue to warn my husband not to get me anything and he will most likely continue to by me things. I will continue to urge him that I don’t enjoy forced present, rather he should just continue to be him and love me the most natural way he can. I adore love. I am so lucky to have found this love. There isn’t a card, or bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates that could ever embrace the love we have for each other. I mean, the one year the queso and High Life was nice, because they are my two favorite things, but, and I can’t believe I am about to say this….I do love Matt more than those two things. So go on Valentine’s fan and buy all the candy, balloons and red crap you can find. I just hope your Valentine appreciates you more than it.