As I get older I have realized so many things about myself.

I have really began to realize that there is a gigantic difference between what I thought I would be and what I actually am.

I guess the next step is embracing this and moving on. I am who I am, and definitely not who I thought I would be.

I thought I would be a wife who cooks, cleans and really embraces the idea behind being a housewife…..what I am is a wife who relies on her husband for the majority of these things. He cooks, he clean, he house husbands, way more then I housewife.

I thought I would be a PTA mom, who is involved and volunteering at every event help at my kids school….what I am is a working mom. I try to do what I can, but most of the time that means writing a check and missing out.

I thought I would be someone who can go out and remain an excellent friend to everyone while I raise a family…..what I am is someone who wants to call, wants to go out, wants to get every invite, but really can’t wait to sit in silence and watch a television show.

I thought I would be a calm, constantly nurturing mother who never raises her voice…..what I am is a mom who runs out of patience, energy and zen and yells…. A LOT.

I thought I would always eat healthy and organically not just for my family, but for myself as well….what I am is someone who REALLY appreciates a happy meal and LOVES grabbing a Fish Fillet.

I thought I would be making so much more money at this age….what I am is broke. Shit is way more expensive then I could have ever imagined, especially when you have a job where you play with dogs.

I thought I would always LOVE working out….what I am is someone who now forces herself to work out because it is a must, there is no more love involved.

I thought I would always play music very loud…what I am is someone who seeks quiet. It is so rare!!

I thought I would always be someone who was satisfied with their job…what I am is someone who is constantly looking for something new.

I thought I would always feel sexy…..what I am is struggling in this department. I lost my sexy ages ago and don’t know how to get it back.

I thought I would be the woman of a special mans dream….what I am is realizing that to be his dream, I must be my own.

I thought I would be able to change the world….what I am is someone who is still figuring out how to change myself.

I think accepting that I am not what I expected myself to be is a big step. Why we would hold ourselves to expectations of things we haven’t even experienced is crazy….but we all do it. All the time. It is time to let them go. I will be the first to do it. Fingers crossed I can accept the real me, can’t expect anyone else too if I can’t. None of us are perfect. But not being perfect makes us indivduals and strugglers and warriors. Learning to change and still love yourself for who you are is so important. Those changes are not mistakes, they are simply new life adventures. 

 

Xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

Jan O