Garlic Honey Glazed Chicken Thighs

April 1, 2016Leave a comment

So I was feeling like it was a crockpot type of day. I freaking love that thing. It is such a time saver and so damn easy. We had some chicken thighs in the freezer so I decided it was time to use them. Mainly because I didn’t want to go to the store. (Fuck that shit)

So I stumbled onto allrecipes.com, plugged in Chicken Thighs and found something that magically, this Shitty Housewife had everything for! (Ok maybe not everything, but I tweeked and it worked)

INGREDIENTS:

4 Chicken Thighs

2 Medium Onions

4 Red Potatoes

3 Large Garlic Cloves, Minced

1/2 Cup Honey

3/4 Cup Ketchup

3/4 Cup Soy Sauce

TSP Dried Basil

Step One- Chopped onions (Keep them thick)

Step Two- Chopped potatoes into quarters

Step Three-Roll your eyes at Daniel Tiger (Is he not the most annoying tiger EVER?)

Step Four-Put onions, potatoes, in crock pot with chicken thighs on top

Step Five-Wonder how in the hell they like Daniel Tiger so much, seriously, he is SO ANNOYING!

Step Six- Mix garlic, honey, ketchup, soy sauce and basil in a bowl (yes, that is a beater not a whisk. I could not find the damn whisk to save my life)

Step Seven-Wonder about weirdo #3, like what are you doing? Or are you just as anti Daniel Tiger as me kiddo?

Step Eight- Pour sauce mixture over chicken

Step Nine-Look at your clock. It is 9:40 am and you are done with dinner!! Time for more coffee!!!!!!

Step Ten-6 hours later, you are done.

Everyone loved it. It was more like a stew, but with a twist. It was sweet and tangy and the garlic and onions were incredible. We served it outside with some butter bread and all 5 of us ate it! SCORE

Mushroom Meatfloaf

March 18, 2016March 18, 20161 Comment

So my husband loves some comfort food. Especially the meat and potatoes kinda comfort food. Well lately we have been going non stop. Life is spinning faster than ever before, and I can tell he is pretty stressed out these days. So they other night I decided to surprise him with his favorite homemade dish. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. (Good Housewife, right???!!!)

I have never been a meatloaf fan. It was just always so dry and yucky. ABout a year ago, Matt was craving it so I googled “Non dry meatloaf) because we all know I hate the word MOIS….I can’t even finish……Anyway, to my surprise there were so many recipes with same solution. Mushrooms, my favorite to eat, besides queso.

Ingredients

MEATLOAF

1 lb. Ground Beef

1/2 container mushrooms

1/2 onion

1/2 cup bread crumbs

1 egg

1/4 cup milk

Salt and Pepper

Garlic Salt

MASHED POTATOES

I bag yellow potatoes

1 cup Sour Cream

1/2 cup milk

4 tablespoons butter

S & P

Step 1- Diced the mushrooms and onions

Step 2- Sweat out those onions

Step 3- Add the mushrooms

Step 4- cook for about 5 minutes than let cool

Step 5- In a bowl mix meat, spices, egg, breadcrumbs, milk

Step 6- Be hounded by two of three toddlers

Step 7- Decide your mixing spoon is not working, remove rings to mix with your hands. Gaze at your ring and think…damn that shit is gorg

Step 8- Put meat mix into loaf pan and be disappointed that it looks so small

Step 9- Put in 350 degree oven for 45 minutes

Step 10- FEED THE FATTY

Step 11- Forget the meat and almost over cook it. Take out to rest.

Step 12- Boil potatoes

Step 13-Add glaze to load. I used ketchup, bbq sauce and sprinkled with brown sugar. Broil in oven for 3 minutes!

Step 14-Take out potatoes, smash in a bowl and add all potatoes ingredients

Step 15- Clean up yet another mess created by toddler #3

After the potatoes are mixed and glazed is heated you are done. It seems like a lot but it is SO easy. And it was SO yummy. When Matt came home, he tore that shit up. So did 1 out of 3 kids. So I would say successful. We even had leaftovers from the small loaf and that shit was just as good!!!

One Pot Lemon Pepper Chicken & Creamy Rice

March 11, 2016March 10, 2016Leave a comment

The original recipe and video: Lemon Pepper Chicken and Creamy Rice

Buzzfeed food videos are my downfall, I swear. As are one pot meals. When you are the one cooking AND doing the dishes you want your job as easy as possible. And I know the feeling of bittersweet rage after Nick sweetly makes us a meal and uses everything in the kitchen, and then some.

Lemon Pepper
Paprika
Garlic, minced
Olive Oil
2 lbs Chicken Thighs With Skin
4Tbsp. Butter
1 Onion, diced
cup Rice
cup
4 cups Chicken Broth
1 1/2 cup Milk
Pepper to taste
Parmesan

Beware, I did take a few artistic liberties. These include avoiding all kinds of bullshit measurements. I don’t trust anyone who tells me to limit my butter or alcohol intake.

Preheat your oven to 350˚F

Combine lemon pepper, paprika, and garlic in a small bowl. In a large oven-proof pot (make sure your pot doesn’t have plastic handles as Nick so conveniently pointed out as I was placing it in the oven), heat olive oil on medium heat. Season both sides of the chicken and place in the pot skin side down. Cook until browned. Remove chicken from the pot and set aside. (Don’t worry! It will finish cooking when you put it in the oven.)

~~With a paper towel, carefully wipe out excess fat~~ or don’t because fat is delicious leaving the seasoning. On medium high, melt a shit ton of butter in the pot and add the diced onions and minced garlic. Cook until onions are translucent (1-2 minutes). Add the rice and stir until it becomes translucent (1-2 minutes). Pour in the ~~white wine~~ Jack Daniels… because why not? and let it cook until most of the ~~wine~~ Jack Daniels has evaporated (about two minutes). Add the chicken broth, milk, and a dash of pepper and stir. Bring it to a simmer. Place the chicken back into the pot. Cover with a lid or foil and bake for 30 minutes (remove lid after 20 minutes). Take shot of Jack Daniels, or a lovely Jack and GingerAle.

Remove the chicken from the pot and broil on high for 2-3 minutes or until the skin has nicely browned. Add ~~the other two Tbsp.~~ more butter, parmesan, 1/2 cup of milk and parsley to the rice. Stir until well combined. Return the chicken on top of the rice and serve.

It turned out decent. I didn’t cook it long enough to the rice was a bit crunchy still but shit, after a few shots of my cooking helper, Jack, who gives a damn?

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Chicken Pot Pie

March 4, 2016March 4, 2016Leave a comment

So Tuesday night I gave my husband three dinner options. Enchiladas, beef stew or chicken pot pie. He choose the pot pie. I have made it before and it is really good. And since it is more of a winter time meal, I figured now would be a good time. I had most of the ingredients at home already, just needed a quick stop run for pie shells and something else that at the moment I can not remember.

Side note…..We got to the store and there were a bunch of firemen picking up groceries for the firehouse. I swear, firemen are the hottest people ever (no pun intended.) The really are. And now that I have kids, I work that shit. Kellen and Cameron had their fire truck hoodies on, so I was in the clear.

“Kell, look firemen!” I march my three littles right over to this hot group of men and just swoon, using my kids as bait. They picked Kellen up, high fived Viv. Patted Cam on the head. The kids (and myself) were in heaven. They even invited us onto their truck, (which of course we accepted, but then they got an emergency call and had to go…just my luck.) Now, I feel like this was totally acceptable behavior. No I was not flirting, just letting my kids fulfill their fireman dreams….my fireman dreams are much different and it was not fulfilled….I AM A MARRIED WOMAN!!!! And if Matt saw a group of, I don’t know, strippers and my kids were obsessed with them (they are NOT…I am just using an example) I would tell him to for sure go over and be in the mix for a bit! Back to the food……..

INGREDIANTS

Chicken

2 Pie Shells

2 Cans Cream of Chicken Soup

1 Can Cream of Mushroom Soup

1 Chicken Bouillan Cube

1 Package of corn/carrot/pea frozen veggies

Salt and Pepper

Spices of your choice

Step 1- Cook your chicken. What a fiasco this was. I had bought some chicken a few days prior and the night before my husband decided to put it in the freezer. So when I went to cook it….IT WAS FROZEN. I was so annoyed. Anyway, it was fine, just took a little longer to cook. I through some spices on it and cooked it. You can also buy precooked if that makes life easier. We just had the chicken so I used it.

Step 2-Wait for the chicken forever…..Viv is not impressed with the whole froen chicken fiasco.

Step 3-Kepp waiting for chicken…damn you Matt for putting it in the freezer. Oh wait did Biz just come on??? Thanks Spotify

Step 4-It is finally done. Take out and diced up. Skin and all.

Step 5- Mix all remaining ingredients in a bowl. Be sure to crumble bouillon cube up in mixture! Pour mixture into pie shell.

Step 6- Put second pie shell on top (mine was sticking, hence why it looks so ugly.

Step 7-Cook at 375 for 40 minutes

Step 8-Take out and cool. I cooked at side of broccoli.

Step 9- Serve! Everyone loved it…including GPA!

So yeah, it was yummy. But damn…those firemen were yummier!

Crab Quiche

February 19, 2016Leave a comment

So this week I decided to attempt another food challenge for The Shitty Housewife. Quiche. I have tried to make quiche several times and it always comes out dry and pretty much inedible. But I was feeling lazy and the idea of packing all three of my children up for a trip to the store on this particular day sounded, well, how can I out this nicely….FUCKING awful. SO as i looked through my fridge at my options I found some imitation crab, a pie shell and a shit load of eggs. Perfect.

INGREDIENTS

Pie Shell

5 eggs

1 package imitation crab

3’4 cup milk (you can use cream as well, but we only had milk)

2 Tablespoons of Cream Cheese

I cup shredded Jack Cheese

1/4 Parm Cheese

2 dashes of hot sauce

Salt and Pepper

1 green onion

Pre heat oven to 350

Step 1-Put frozen pie crust in oven for 15 minutes

Step 2- Pour yourself a beer

Step 3-Grab all of the listed ingredients

Step 4- Crack Eggs and whisk them together

Step 5- Stop #2 from choking #3

Step 6- Mix all other ingredients in with eggs

Step 7- Pour into pie shell and put in the oven for 35 minutes

Step 8- Feed the fatty

Step 9- Be super happy there is only one bowl to clean

Step 10- Take out quiche, let cool for 5 minutes, then feed the family

This was AWESOME. Everyone ate it!!! That never happens here. I totally forgot to put in the green onions, which of course my husband called me out on. But they really would have made it even tastier. I would recommend this for sure. It was quick to throw together, pretty cheap and lasted two meals. Score 1 for The Shitty Housewife!

Reuben Casserole

February 12, 2016February 12, 20161 Comment

Ingredients:

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6 slices rye bread, I chose dark Jewish, showing my leanings towards not circumcising boys, its just barbaric.

1 lb. pastrami or corned beef thinly sliced or shaved.

1 can or 14.5oz. Sauerkraut.

4 cups Swiss cheese shredded.

1 cup dill pickles, diced to a likeable size.

1 cup milk.

1/3 cup 1000 island dressing.

1/4 cup yellow mustard.

3 large eggs

2 teaspoon caraway seeds (optional)

Directions:

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Preheat oven to 350.

Lightly spray or grease pan.

Cut 4 pieces rye bread into 1/2 inch or smaller cubes.

Place the remaining two pieces. of rye bread into a food processor and grind into fine breadcrumbs. (I just rolled them in between my hands to get desired effect)

Spread cubed bread along bottom of dish then cover with 1/2 of your pastrami supply and cover evenly with sauerkraut then add the remainder of meat, spread your diced dill pickles evenly, 2 cups of shredded Swiss cheese is then followed by caraway seeds.

In a medium bowl whisk together milk, 1000 island salad dressing and mustard then add your eggs (yolk and all hippy) whisk until all ingredients are melded together.

Pour mixture evenly over the entire top of casserole.

Topping the entire pile of deliciousness with your finely ground bread crumbs.

Place casserole in oven and bake for 40-45 minutes uncovered the mixture should be bubbling with love and the top should have a natural golden tan, not tanning bed orange.

Remove from oven, remembering that the casserole will be VERY, VERY HOT! And that’s exactly how you should serve it.

We chose to use pastrami but I’m sure that corned beef would be just as delicious.

Warning: not for Vegans and we planned it that way.

BBQ, Pimento Cheese, Bacon Burgers

February 5, 2016February 5, 2016Leave a comment

So with the Super Bowl this week (hey don’t forget to enter The Shitty Housewife’s Super Bowl Contest!!!!) and the quick bout of beautiful Atlanta weather we had this week, Matt and I decided it was time to get our BURGER on. There is nothing better than homemade burgers on the patio in awesome weather (well actually, there is a lot that is better than that…..good sex, long vacations, a full nights sleep, being rich, but we are talking dinner here people, that’s it.)

So we decided to make BBQ, Pimento Cheese, Bacon Burgers. Here is what you need….

INGREDIENTS

Ground Beef

Salt and Pepper

Cayenne Pepper

Garlic Salt

Onion Powder

Bacon

Pickled Jalapenos

Pimento Cheese

BBQ Sauce (your favorite)

Buns

Sides

Condiments

NAPKINS

Step 1. Turn on your grill and put a cookie sheet on it to start heating it up.

Step 2. Grill the Bacon ( flip after about 4 minutes on each side)

Step 3. Watch your boys cheers each other (ugh, we have a long Irish future ahead of us)

Step 4. Have your partner take over duties

Step 5. After seasoning your burgers, put them on the grill (and see your obsessed husband clean as he cooks)

Step 6. Set out the sides you bought pre-made from Publix, because you are The Shitty Housewife who has no time for side salads. (Side note, Publix Macaroni Salad is AMAZING!!!)

Step 7. Once burgers are cooked add pimento cheese and bacon (and just some cheddar to the kids burgers because they won’t appreciate the yumminess of the pimento/bacon combo)

Step 8. Feed the fatty

Step 9. Bun that bitch, add BBQ sauce and jalapenos and BAM!

Step 10- Ask your daughter how she likes it (but know deep down inside she is on;y eating it to be a member of the clean plate club and receive dessert)

Shittiest Move of the Week

February 5, 2016February 5, 2016Leave a comment

Happy Friday people, or as I like to call it, Happy Start to Drink Beer Day!

Another week has past and numerous funny, inappropriate, and shitty things have happened in The Shitty Housewife’s Household. Now once again, I could pick my worst for this week, but I thought I would instead take you down memory lane. Super Bowl memory lane, when I was the Shittiest House Guest EVER!

Last year at this time I was weeks away from giving birth to my third baby. Now I may call myself The Shitty Housewife, but I do also think I am a bad ass. And even though the baby could have been arriving at any minute, I decided to take an 8 hour road trip with Matt, Viv and Kell to visit his sister for her Super Bowl party. You know, because most women travel that far with labor impending….again, I think I am a bad ass.

The trip was going great. I tried my best to keep up. I walked the beaches, I stayed out late with the adults. I pretended that the actual human inside of me was not a big deal. So the day of the Super Bowl, we had a long menu of unhealthy food prepared. I mean, a variety of meats doused in sauce, dips galore, desserts aplenty and of course….CHEESE.

I gorged. Liked took the word gorged to a whole new level. I was actually disgusted with myself at one point, but I was 8 months pregnant, it was the Super Bowl and as everyone else drank and partied, I just sat and ATE.

I stayed up for the whole game and then exhaustion hit. I was full, tired and ready for a great night sleep.

Suddenly at 3 am shooting pains in my abdominal hit hard. I shot out of bed.

“Holy Shit, am I in labor?!” I thought. I waddled out of bed and stood up. It just got worse. I was keeled over. Matt was in the other room sleeping with the kids. Then I realized I was going to vomit….NOW. I ran as fast as my big ol self could to the bathroom and as soon as I opened the door I started puking. I grabbed the trash can and threw up. Crawled my way to the toilet and spent the next 2 hours throwing up all the yummy food I had just spent hours eating.

snackadium

IT WAS AWFUL.

When I was done, I cleaned up as best as I could in my exhausted, puke aftermath haze. I put the trash can outside the front door and waddled back to bed.

The next morning was a blur. We woke up late and had to rush to get on the road. I knew I looked as awful as I felt because everyone was asking me what was wrong. I just wanted to get in the car, get this long road trip over with, get home and never eat again. About an hour into our drive home I was telling Matt what had happened, when I suddenly realized I never cleaned out the bathroom trashcan. I just left it outside of their front door, puke stained.

I think I cut cheese out of my diet for the next 3 weeks, until Cam made his arrival. This year, Super Bowl will be much different. I will still eat, I will still enjoy the food, but maybe, just maybe I will have a little self control. And I won’t be ordering any wicker trashcans off Amazon…

Lunch Fail

January 29, 2016Leave a comment

Well guys, I failed. I promise, I had it is my schedule to make a meatloaf and tell you all how I made it. Because, honest to god, I make a good fucking meatloaf. But my plan got screwed up. My schedule changed. We had to rush out of town last week and we got back super late Tuesday. Wednesday was a blur, Thursday I ended up working a double so Matt could spend some QT with the kids and when I got home last night I had forgotten about a school assignment (because I’m shitty.) So needless to say after working a long shift and an hour of Intro to Human Resource Management homework, I was sure as shit not about to cook.

So here we are Friday. I got up, fed, cleaned, dressed all three kids plus myself and three dogs, we hit the YMCA., because I needed some regrouping. Then I braved the DMV for the third time in attempting to change my name alone with the monsters…err, I mean kids. We waited an hour, finally our turn and of fucking course, they just changed some rules and I needed yet another document. FUCK YOU!!!!!! So I am done. The kids are cranky. We just needed home and some lunch and a Xanax (just kidding, but kinda not.) So here I am…LUNCH TIME!!

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Step 1- Give the The Fat Kid anything quick you can find in the fridge. He is hungry and mad. Mac and Chz…PERFECT!!!

Step 2- Leftover pizza?! Wonderful. Heat it up, throw on some fresh spices, the older O’s will be in heaven!

Step 3- Look at your household in despair. Will they ever, ever, ever pick up after themselves.

Step 4- Make yourself your millionth cup of coffee for the day

Step 5- Tell them they get a special treat once they clean up and eat their pizza. They will be so happy for their reward.

Step 6- Longingly gaze at the beer that is waiting for you. It is Friday. FFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK

Overnight Oatmeal

January 22, 2016January 21, 20161 Comment

One of the most slackest parts of my day is breakfast. While my husband makes these yummy elaborate morning meals that everyone in the house swoons over, I am the queen of offering dry cereal, a granola bar or microwaved waffles.

I know…I’m shitty.

Well this week for Fat Kid Friday, I decided to up my game. Since mornings exhaust me I thought I would try overnight crockpot oatmeal. This way, when we all wake up I have a yummy, healthy, fulfilling meal waiting for everyone. And I won’t start the day feeling like the shittiest cook ever.

INGREDIENTS

1 cup steel cut oats
1-2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries (I used 2 cups frozen)
2 cups water
2 cups milk
2 tablespoons maple syrup
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla
Optional garnishes: chopped nuts, nut butter, fresh or dried fruit, granola, shredded coconut, honey, additional milk ( I didn’t have any of these, so I just added some brown sugar)

DIRECTIONS

Step One- Pour yourself a bowl of cereal. It is 9 pm and you are making oatmeal. You deserve a yummy snack.

Step Two- Gather ingredients. You know you bought these steel cut oats a long time ago when you were trying to be healthy, but that instant shit is just too easy. Now here is your chance!

Step 3- Get your crock pot

Step 4- Make sure it is plugged in. (remember that time you did not do this step and 4 hours into your crockpotting adventure you had raw meat…..and you had to pick up the dinner tab out that night?)

Step 5- Go look at your family who is all relaxing and chilling out, while you are crockpotting…seriously, WHAT THE FUCK…can today be done already?

Step 6-Pour all of the ingredients into the crockpot and set on low.

Step 7- GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

Step 8- Wake up and check on crockpot with so much excitement because you are a goddess who made a great breakfast.

Step 9- Offer it to toddlers. Viv (of course) approves. Kellen (of course) hates it and wants a frozen waffle

Step 10- Put some on baby’s highchair plate and watch this human go from adorable to disgusting in minutes.

Step 11- Drink your coffee. Because seriously, that’s all we housewives really care about in the morning. And throw some Baileys in it

This actually was really good. Two out of three kids approved and the hubs liked it too. I have to force feed myself breakfast because I am never that hungry when I wake up. But I had a few spoon fulls and thought it was tasty. I would make it again, but next time I would spray pam on the inside of the pot. It is 5 hours since breakfast right now and I am still scrubbing that piece of shit.

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The Shitty Housewife

I try. I really do.

Category: Fat Kid Friday

Garlic Honey Glazed Chicken Thighs

Mushroom Meatfloaf

One Pot Lemon Pepper Chicken & Creamy Rice

Chicken Pot Pie

Crab Quiche

Reuben Casserole

BBQ, Pimento Cheese, Bacon Burgers

Shittiest Move of the Week

Lunch Fail

Overnight Oatmeal