Recently there was an article swarming around social media about how most people have 3 great loves of their loves. It was a beautiful piece and shared many times over. I read it. Twice actually. It really resonated with me. I could actually relate to the words I was reading so very much. I got to thinking about my past relationships and the impact they have had on me and growing into my final relationship with Matt.
I have kissed many frogs. In fact I spent a good majority of my 20’s making out with the entire city of Atlanta. I loved dating. I really did. Yeah, I had some shitty experiences but they all brought me to the place I needed to be when I went on that first date with Matt. He was not my first love. In fact he wasn’t my second love. And besides those 2 and him, I have told 2 other men I loved them ( because I thought I did.) And in between those 5 “I Love You’s” I had many short and long term interactions with men I really liked and enjoyed. Some I may have eventually fallen in love with if I took the time. Some may have fallen in love with me. But the time was ended because in my head, we both got what we needed from each other and it was time to take that and stop.
I fell in love for the first time when I was 19. We dated for 5 years. We lived with each other and supported each other. For a long time, I did think he was going to be my first and only boyfriend. He was the person I slept with. The first guy I opened up too. The first male I had ever trusted (I am a fatherless daughter, so this was HUGE.) But after many years of being together, we grew up. We wanted to experience more. We were best friends….and that was it. Which is great when a relationship turns into that when you are 85…not so much 24. We separated but to this day are friends. In fact Matt and him love each other and I consider his wife one of my good friends. We even asked them to be in our wedding (but her being super knocked up made travel hard!) Anyway, what I learned from that relationship was just how important a friendship while in love is. Having your person also be your buddy. Because when all the perky boobs and nice abs are gone and the sex is no longer, and your kids have kids, and it is just you and them, you must simply like your partner. And he taught me this.
The second time I was in true love was many years later. The craziest thing about this guy is that I actually never officially dated him. I never actually said the words, ‘I love you’ to him. But I did. So much. This man effected me in a way I had not thought possible. From the moment he first spoke to me, my entire heart felt different. I don’t even know how to speak of my relationship with him now without rambling on and on.. because it was a very odd situation. He lived across the country. We spoke in and out. We made it a point to see each other, but never in the capacity that 2 people in love should. He told me in so many ways that he loved me, but never in the way I actually needed. It was a very tough scenario and I can honestly say he is the only person who ever broke my heart. I cried more tears over him then I have ever over a man. Between him and my first love, I had two pretty serious relationships . But after the experience with this guy, I realized that I was not in love or loved like I deserved to be. And this man showed me that. Even though he did not say it, he showed me what I deserved. And more than that he showed me how someone should feel about a partner. He showed me how I should be in love. Although it was confusing and excruciating it was incredible. And I am so happy to have had that experience to learn from.
Which brings me to love….3 times around. My Matt O. The ultimate love of my life. Matt embodies everything good, positive and lovable about all the men I have chosen to date in my life. I have taken all of my experiences and learned from them. Things I like and things I hate. Traits I find tolerable and traits that are deal breakers. He is all the good in each one of my relationships. He is my buddy from love #1, he is an excellent kisser like that guy I met in Vegas. He is makes me laugh like that one random blind date I had. He loves foreplay like this awesome dude I hung out with for awhile. He is gorgeous like this hot neighbor I used to sleep with. He loves me like love #2 does, but he tells me in every way imaginable and more importantly then that, he lets me love him, the exact way I know how.
So make sure as you date and as these experiences end….even though a break up can suck, it can also be amazing. That person just made you a little more open to the path where your 3rd love is. And trust me, that shit is worth the wait.
The Shitty Housewife