Category: Daily Shit

Life and Death

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I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with this blog. It is a salute to someone who passed away this week and a slam for this horrible thing called death, where we have to say goodbye to people we love.

For the past several years I have watched a very brave and beautiful woman fight constant battles with her health. She fought. She won. She fought. She won. She fought….so very hard. And this week, she said goodbye to us here on this planet and was sent to her next journey. This week, my best friend’s mom passed away.

I met my best friend Kara many, many years ago. She and I have been so close for so long, I do honestly consider her family.She is one of those friends that I know will be in my life forever, because we are family. Our lives have changed. Our roles have changed. Even our friendship has changed, but we are constant.

Girlfriend relationships are truly amazing and beautiful to me. So real, so nurturing, so hard and so honest. And when you have one of those girlfriends you experience so much together. We have battled and fought and disagreed plenty, but always find a way back. Because girlfriends who are family do that. We have seen each other turn from girls to women. We have seen each other blossom in our careers. We have seen each other fall in love. We have seen each other live life. We were each other bridesmaids and she has seen me give birth. And today, I watched her say goodbye to her mother.

When you meet your girlfriends, you don’t think about this. You think about their wedding, their kids, their careers, their triumphs. You don’t think, I will one day be at their mothers funeral. But, our path together brought us here and I am so thankful I was able to be there with her. Hearing her speak, watching her love, all I saw was her mom. All of their beauty combined. All of their love for each other overflowing any sadness that existed. She may not have felt it, but man, I did. Everyone did.

Death is just an awful thing. Sadly, it has been very predominate in my life since this year started. Maybe it is a fluke. Maybe it is just life as I get older. I do know that losing someone and or watching someone lose someone is just the worst feeling.

There are only two people on this planet who created my best friend. And sadly, one of them is gone. But I know when I see Joan in another life I will not forget to thank her for creating Kara. For creating this girlfriend who I cherish and who I have experienced so much of my life with. For making her the person she is, who is the person that I have fully embraced and vise versa. For better or worse. We are committed.

Growing up with old friends is so weird. It is truly beautiful and I am lucky enough to have a few of these girlfriends who I will grow old with. We will be together for all of the good and bad times in each others lives. But whether good or bad, we will have each other. And that right there can ease some pain.

Joan, I will never encounter another person like you. You never let life defeat you and followed your dreams more so than anyone I have ever known. You made me laugh, cry, you gave me your home when I needed it. You gave me your support when I needed it, but most importantly, you gave me Kara. One of the best gifts I have ever received. You will be missed greatly and I promise to take care of our girl as long as I am here.

Garlic Honey Glazed Chicken Thighs

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So I was feeling like it was a crockpot type of day. I freaking love that thing. It is such a time saver and so damn easy. We had some chicken thighs in the freezer so I decided it was time to use them. Mainly because I didn’t want to go to the store. (Fuck that shit)

So I stumbled onto allrecipes.com, plugged in Chicken Thighs and found something that magically, this Shitty Housewife had everything for! (Ok maybe not everything, but I tweeked and it worked)
Garlic Honey Glazed Chicken Thighs
INGREDIENTS:
4 Chicken Thighs
2 Medium Onions
4 Red Potatoes
3 Large Garlic Cloves, Minced
1/2 Cup Honey
3/4 Cup Ketchup
3/4 Cup Soy Sauce
TSP Dried Basil
Step One- Chopped onions (Keep them thick)
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Step Two- Chopped potatoes into quarters
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Step Three-Roll your eyes at Daniel Tiger (Is he not the most annoying tiger EVER?)
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Step Four-Put onions, potatoes, in crock pot with chicken thighs on top
Step Five-Wonder how in the hell they like Daniel Tiger so much, seriously, he is SO ANNOYING!
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Step Six- Mix garlic, honey, ketchup, soy sauce and basil in a bowl (yes, that is a beater not a whisk. I could not find the damn whisk to save my life)
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Step Seven-Wonder about weirdo #3, like what are you doing? Or are you just as anti Daniel Tiger as me kiddo?
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Step Eight- Pour sauce mixture over chicken
Step Nine-Look at your clock. It is 9:40 am and you are done with dinner!! Time for more coffee!!!!!!
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Step Ten-6 hours later, you are done.
Everyone loved it. It was more like a stew, but with a twist. It was sweet and tangy and the garlic and onions were incredible. We served it outside with some butter bread and all 5 of us ate it! SCORE
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Shittiest Move of the Week

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Surprisingly, I did not have a lot to pick from this week. This week was one of those weeks that went insanely fast and between work, school, kids, life….Matt and I barely saw each other. I wasn’t too bad of a mom either. Everyone survived (so far!)  I did shitty in school, but what else is new.

I only worked one day this week. Just one. Matt has been busting his ass all week long at work. But I worked…today. I came home and the house was immaculate. Everything cleaned, put away. Fucking shining. I thanked him for the beautiful looking house. He said..
“Yep, I am not a shitty housewife.”
I laughed. Nope, you aren’t honey. That is my job. So what is my shittiest move this week??? Owning that when it comes to housewifing…I AM THE SHIT. The Shittiest.

Kayla Update

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MILB Graphic

Well, I did not do my 2 week update last week for you guys because, I did not workout. Like, AT ALL. I am not sure what happened. It was my school spring break, so I can’t blame it on having too much school work. No sick kids, so I can’t use that excuse. I felt fine, so no go there…I just did not want to. So I didn’t. I was doing so good too and then I just needed a freaking break. This year has kicked my families ass. Every week is a race to some sort of endless finish line. We are in a constant state of go go go. I feel like every week we get a phone call with really bad news. We have had so much company in and out of the house and we are just swamped. I was just fucking spent.

So I just did not make time for working out. Matt made it to the gym twice. Not me. Every day I was like, well  maybe today…then NOPE. As much as I want to be a MILF, I also need a break sometimes. I’m tired, mentally drained and worn out. MILF turned MINB. Mom I’d Like to Fuck turned Man…I’d Like A Break.
So I took one.
And now, I feel like I have to start over. I set my Kayla weeks back to week 5. Did her work out Monday and today. Did my cardio at the YMCA while the kids played yesterday. I weighed in Monday. Took my before pictures. I feel like I am back to square one. My legs are so sore today I want lay in a bath of ben-gay. And I know I am not completely starting over, I just feel like a whale. (It does not help that I got my period Sunday night either…we all know how fucking fabulous you feel when that shit kicks in.)
But there is my update. I failed. I promise I do want to look good and feel strong. I just was tired. But it feels good to be back at it this week. I need to remember my small weekly goals. Fuck, daily goals. Seems so much more achievable. I also found a 5K run for a really awesome cause I want to sign up for, (which I will be looking for Shitty Housewives out there to join my team….hint hint!) So, I do want to get back on it and get back to feeling healthy.
Sometimes we just need a minute. Adulting is so tough. And seems like things only get realer, busier and tougher. I won’t beat myself up for taking a week off…I can’t really. I am too sore for that shit.

All Hail the Queens

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John Dobbs

A strong king needs an even stronger queen to be able to submit to, so that his kingdom doesn’t fall.

There’s one thing in today’s marriages that I consistently keep seeing and that is “how to save it” or how to “spice your marriage up.” As a married man who loves his wife who he has been with for almost 8 years now, I can say you won’t find those answers through a T.V advertisement or a counselor, and you won’t find the answer at the bottom of a cereal box either. The prize at the end of the tunnel for a husband shouldn’t be, “what am I getting out of the relationship?” but, “is she getting what she needs out of this relationship?”

I know, I know. Every man reading this is calling me crazy and thinking I am a weak man for thinking this way. But I can tell you I am a 260lbs, bald, bearded, heavily tattooed, and from what I have been told I am also a somewhat intimidating man…but I have no problem catering to my wife and her needs as a woman and as a person. And yes that also means submitting to her and making her your queen.

But it wasn’t always like this. I used to be the guy who worried about my needs before even thinking about what hers were. I used to leave her at home while I went out and partied with my friends. I used to leave her at home while I lied about where I was going. I used to leave her awake at night wondering when I would come home or if I would come home. I was a shitty person and most importantly I wasn’t a husband. I was a man who put a ring on her finger and lied about my intentions. And I am beyond happy that she saw the man who I truly am rather than the one I was acting like and stuck it out with me so that I could redeem myself.

It wasn’t until I read an article written by Brad Pitt about his wife Angelina Jolie that I changed my thought process on what my marriage would be. In a brief synopsis of that article it went on to say that his wife was depressed, losing weight, not wanting to get out of bed and wasn’t enjoying any aspect of her life for the most part. And he was able to reverse those feelings just by toting on her and bragging about her and waiting on her hand and foot. He built her up so that she could then in turn build herself up as well both mentally and physically. It just took the support and love of her husband to do so.

I don’t remember the exact day, or even month for that matter but I started doing the exact same thing. I couldn’t enter a room without talking about her. I couldn’t tell about my weekends without bragging how she made it amazing. I paid attention to every article of clothing she would put on and complimented her on them. I would walk by and grab her butt at every chance I got just to show her she had my attention. I was helping her out of the rut that I was mostly responsible for in the first place. Because that’s my job as a husband.

Just like any habit it has to start with pattern. Well after months and months of doing this she flourished! She gained confidence I have never seen before. Our household was at peace, our love was passionate, and our life felt like ours again. Not because we went to counseling, not because we tried some magical pill that helped us in the bed room, and not because we wanted it to… but we needed it to …. We have never mentioned it even to this day. But we were both thinking the same thing so many couples do, “are we going to make it or should we just get a divorce and stop wasting time…?”

Take action men. If you truly love your wife, worship her! Rub her back, bathe her, take her to the mall and shop all day with her (with no complaints), tell her how beautiful she is when you can tell she’s self-conscience about a new outfit she put on. Don’t let a day go by that she feels unimportant and neglected. And last but certainly not least LOVE HER! And I don’t mean just give her a kiss on the way out the door. Really love her unconditionally and show her how much she really means to you. It’s not weak and it’s not going to make you less of a man to make your world about her.

Be a king to your queen or your kingdom will fall.

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Buncha Bitches

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BunchaBitches

When I found out I was going to enter the world of motherhood, I assumed I would be welcomed with open arms by fellow moms out there. We are all on the same page, raising a child right? But boy was I wrong. I didn’t realize I was entering a new world full of “I am better at this than you” attitudes. A world where putting me down for my decisions as a mother could be so easily stated. A place where judging another mom happened as quickly as newborn diapers needed changing. A place full of MOM BULLIES.

You all know who I am talking about. Mom know it alls. Moms who do no wrong. Moms who feel the need to pick you and your parenting style apart. Moms who are a member of every mom group online, in real life and who know absolutely every fucking child event in your city. And moms who love making you feel bad for the way you are raising your kid.

This really all began when I was pregnant. I HATE PREGNANCY. I love birth, I love being a mom, but my body does horribly when pregnant. My first, I threw up the entire 9 months. It was not a good experience at all. I cried daily and had about a good 3 weeks spread out over the whole pregnancy. The worst part about it was, I felt like I could not talk to any other moms about it. Thank god my husband let me cry on his shoulder because I needed it desperately. Every time I tried to talk to other moms about how awful this experience was and how insanely guilty I felt for feeling that way, I was pretty much told I was an awful human and that I should feel guilty.

After my first was born I did love the ideas and thoughts that were thrown at me. And they literally were thrown at me at every angle. Within weeks, the mom bullying began. It all started with breast-feeding, or in my case, not breast-feeding. Viv and I could not figure that shit out. It was a miserable experience for both of us and she was not gaining weight. Matt and I decided me pumping and bottle feeding and supplementing with formula was the best thing for our family’s survival (I say survival, because when you have a newborn…survival is all you can ask for.) Man, every single fucking time I wiped out a bottle in front of another mom I was shamed. It was so bad, that I would make up excuses for leaving and just fed her in the car. Just so I would not have to hear, “Breast is best.” When I would explain that I was up all through the night pumping away and never resting while she did because I was hooked up to a machine just so I could bottle feed her breast milk, then I would hear, “Bottles aren’t helping bonding.” It was a constant state of worrying about who was watching me while I fed my child.

Matt and I put her in her crib at night at 6 weeks. We heard it again, women telling me at story time that she was going to become insecure and not feel loved because she didn’t have human contact through the night. I would explain that when she woke, I would wake with her and tend to her, but I wanted her to be an independent sleeper…..still some women just scolded. She should be on top of me, next to me, touching me at all times. I would always just explain that every family is different and try to move on, but those bullies love to press. It got to the point where I just didn’t like these mom things.

 

Then I did the worst thing a mom with a new baby could do…..I GOT PREGNANT. Man, did that shit get worse. “Pregnant, already?” “Was this the plan?” “Why so soon?”

Although it was nobodies business, I still felt the need to justify my reasons for expanding my family so soon. BUT WHY? Why did these women, most of whom I barely knew, care about what was going on in my life and with my kids?

It is crazy to me that people can be so absorbed with someone else. My actions as a mom do not reflect their actions as a mom, so why the fuck do they care? My kids get told no. My kids get sent to their room. My kids watch TV, some days a lot. My kids eat junk food. My kids are safe and happy and that is all that matters. There is no reason to push your views, your ideas, your ways of parenting on mine.

Moms can be the meanest, most judgemental, insecure group of females I have ever encountered…but why? We are all fighting the same battle, so let’s stop picking on each other and tag team this motherhood shit together. That woman you are bullying and degrading is just parenting a little differently than you. But at 8 pm you both want the same thing, bedtime, a break and a breath to yourself. We all want to reflect on our day and think about the positive experience our kid had, not the mean mommy who picked on us.

I think it is about time we all ease up on each other and start supporting a bit more. If you see a mom shaking a bottle of formula, offer to hold the baby while she preps. Don’t glare her down. She is doing her very best. If you see some dirty, tantruming kids, bring them over a lollipop, their mom is trying so hard and needs your help, not your dirty looks. And when some mommy is opening up about a certain parenting style you don’t agree with, just listen to them, be open-minded and save your backlash for later to your husband. Lord knows he is probably used to the bullying too.

Let’s all remember we are all doing the same thing and have the same goal. Daily life is tough enough, parenting is even tougher. Why beat each other up? Let’s all just relax and have fun with this crazy thing of motherhood together. It is some crazy shit and no one else gets what you are going through like another mom.

Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel

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So as we try and test a few things on this blog, I decided that for a few weeks, Masturbation Monday would be all about some hot couples. I mean, this is a housewife blog and a housewife normally has another player on their team right?? And some couples, well they are great to think about as a team…on top of you. These men and women whether together or not are just damn hot and will make any fantasy on a lame Monday so much better.
The first couple we are featuring is one of the sexiest matches alive. He the hottest man ever (according to me) and she is the bitch who snagged him (excuse my language.) They are hot, funny, talented and I would bone them both. Together or separately.

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

Screw You Easter Bunny

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Easter Candy. I just spent more than half my paycheck on candy. Pastel colored jelly beans and chocolate covered bunnies. I know, I have three baskets to fill, but what the fuck???? Do they hike the prices up this time of year??? SO many things about this holiday are just so bizarre. I am not a religious person, but I know Easter is not about a basket filled of goodies at all. And why on earth are eggs even involved. Bunnies do not lay eggs, so why does the Easter Bunny leave them??? Look, I know tomorrow morning my disgusting angels are going to wake up and be over joyed to have their hunt and chow on candy all day. I know once they enter school, these holidays are going to be even more exploited and more intense. And I know their happiness comes way before my irritation, but damn holidays….CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!

From the guy with no emotions..

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Nick is a lover of dogs, horror movies and tacos. He spends his spare time napping and playing with his beautiful little girl, Josselyn.

What it’s like to be the guy that doesn’t do “emotion”?

The way I was raised was to nut up. Head down and get over it. Get hurt? Get over it. Someone hurt your feelings? Get over it. So on and so forth, because dwelling, or even talking about it wont change a damn thing. So when people like me get hit with rough situations, or any situation we feel attacked or in need of defense, we go back to that way of thinking. Head down… And get over it.

In sad or mourning times this can be very helpful but also very painful. We learn that we have to be the strong ones for other people. Show that we can get through it and they can too. It sucks sometimes not being able to sit there and scream and yell and cry in pain…. That sounds so satisfying.. But that’s just not how we deal. We hold our heads up and put our shoulders back and hold strong so everyone around us can have that vulnerable moment they need. We become their protector in that moment.

Loving a person like me probably sucks sometimes.. I see that.. But we are the same people who will always be there for you because we’ve protected so many people and had so many tear stains on our shirts, that we’d never intentionally make someone go through that. We are emotionally broken so you can be emotionally free.