All Hail the Queens

John Dobbs

A strong king needs an even stronger queen to be able to submit to, so that his kingdom doesn’t fall.

There’s one thing in today’s marriages that I consistently keep seeing and that is “how to save it” or how to “spice your marriage up.” As a married man who loves his wife who he has been with for almost 8 years now, I can say you won’t find those answers through a T.V advertisement or a counselor, and you won’t find the answer at the bottom of a cereal box either. The prize at the end of the tunnel for a husband shouldn’t be, “what am I getting out of the relationship?” but, “is she getting what she needs out of this relationship?”

I know, I know. Every man reading this is calling me crazy and thinking I am a weak man for thinking this way. But I can tell you I am a 260lbs, bald, bearded, heavily tattooed, and from what I have been told I am also a somewhat intimidating man…but I have no problem catering to my wife and her needs as a woman and as a person. And yes that also means submitting to her and making her your queen.

But it wasn’t always like this. I used to be the guy who worried about my needs before even thinking about what hers were. I used to leave her at home while I went out and partied with my friends. I used to leave her at home while I lied about where I was going. I used to leave her awake at night wondering when I would come home or if I would come home. I was a shitty person and most importantly I wasn’t a husband. I was a man who put a ring on her finger and lied about my intentions. And I am beyond happy that she saw the man who I truly am rather than the one I was acting like and stuck it out with me so that I could redeem myself.

It wasn’t until I read an article written by Brad Pitt about his wife Angelina Jolie that I changed my thought process on what my marriage would be. In a brief synopsis of that article it went on to say that his wife was depressed, losing weight, not wanting to get out of bed and wasn’t enjoying any aspect of her life for the most part. And he was able to reverse those feelings just by toting on her and bragging about her and waiting on her hand and foot. He built her up so that she could then in turn build herself up as well both mentally and physically. It just took the support and love of her husband to do so.

I don’t remember the exact day, or even month for that matter but I started doing the exact same thing. I couldn’t enter a room without talking about her. I couldn’t tell about my weekends without bragging how she made it amazing. I paid attention to every article of clothing she would put on and complimented her on them. I would walk by and grab her butt at every chance I got just to show her she had my attention. I was helping her out of the rut that I was mostly responsible for in the first place. Because that’s my job as a husband.

Just like any habit it has to start with pattern. Well after months and months of doing this she flourished! She gained confidence I have never seen before. Our household was at peace, our love was passionate, and our life felt like ours again. Not because we went to counseling, not because we tried some magical pill that helped us in the bed room, and not because we wanted it to… but we needed it to …. We have never mentioned it even to this day. But we were both thinking the same thing so many couples do, “are we going to make it or should we just get a divorce and stop wasting time…?”

Take action men. If you truly love your wife, worship her! Rub her back, bathe her, take her to the mall and shop all day with her (with no complaints), tell her how beautiful she is when you can tell she’s self-conscience about a new outfit she put on. Don’t let a day go by that she feels unimportant and neglected. And last but certainly not least LOVE HER! And I don’t mean just give her a kiss on the way out the door. Really love her unconditionally and show her how much she really means to you. It’s not weak and it’s not going to make you less of a man to make your world about her.

Be a king to your queen or your kingdom will fall.

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