This week I am traveling with the family. A quick 4ish hour trip from home. I thought I would take today to talk about how traveling with a family is so different from traveling with just grownups. I hear people say all the time “You guys should travel more.” Or “I don’t understand why people don’t travel and get away.” Here is the thing, traveling with kids is a BITCH. It really is. Besides having to pack your entire house up, you have to be prepared for the unimaginable AND be prepared for everyone to be in a constant state of unhappiness. It is true. While adults LOVE to travel and adapt, children are the complete opposite. They become complete devils while on vacation…..at least mine do.

And maybe they aren’t actually devils. We are just in a new environment, that isn’t so kid friendly and I am on high alert of loudness and destruction. Like if you are staying in a hotel you have suddenly become the noise complaint. And even worse, if you are staying at someone’s home that is not normally “kid friendly”…well you are screwed. Your kids will wake everyone up, turn on a smoke detector, break a remote and shatter a vase within 2.7 minutes of your arrival.

Packing for a vacation when you have kids is almost laughable. It does not matter if you are leaving for 15 days or one night, you will have at least 7 suitcases per kid. And you will have to pack everything you own for every fucking scenario. In case it gets hot or cold. Rain or shine. Swimsuits or rain boots. Extra clothes for all occasions (because guarantee, everyone will pee or poop their pants at some point on your trip.) All medications must come with you. Even expired antibiotics that you gave your dog that one time….JUST IN CASE. Pillows, blankets, pack-n-plays, high chairs, booster seats. You own it? You have to bring it. Because what is worse than being unprepared on vacation with kids? Having to buy more kid shit that you know you have at home somewhere.

Then once we have gotten to your destination, sleep comes into play. Sleep is something that will surround your life for years once you have kids. You are always thinking about it, preparing for it and let’s face it, PRAYING for it. Even if you have the best sleeper in the world, as soon as you are on vaca, not sleeping in the normal place, all fucking hell breaks loose. Everyone forgets how and when to sleep. Babies hate their pack-n-play’s suddenly. Toddlers roam the halls at all hours of the night. Like no one gets any sleep. ESPECIALLY YOU. Matt and I don’t argue. Like ever. But after a few days “relaxing” with the kids, we are both so sleep deprived, we basically don’t speak the entire trip home.

So yeah, we should travel more right?! And we will. One day. When the kids are old enough to stay by themselves. Then we will come home to a house full of teenagers who just threw a party, drinking our booze and breaking our shit, but that is a long time from now. Traveling is just different right now. And we would love to do it more, but sometimes the idea of going through all of that sounds way more exhausting than just sticking to our at-home exhausting life.

I guess I should wrap this up. I can hear my children breaking Matt’s cousin’s fish tank as I type! I will try to enjoy myself a bit. And I know that as all of these fun stages of parenting go…this too shall pass. One day when we vacation with them they will won’t even want to speak to us we, will be so uncool in their eyes. They will yell at me as I try to pack for them. And instead of asking, “are we there yet?” every five minutes, they will ask, “are we home yet?”

So next time you want to ask me why I don’t travel more, just stop yourself. Don’t ask and enjoy your uninterrupted non-diaper changing, sleep filled, quiet vacation.

The rule book out there says fucking on the first date will lead you nowhere. If you are a female, you will be considered a slut, a one night stand, or simply, the guy’s new booty call. If you are a guy, you will be considered THE MAN. But overall the general consensus is said that first date booty will lead a relationship in a horrible direction, right?

Wrong.

I had sex with my husband on our very first date. Yep…there it is. Out there. If any of my friends are reading this right now…yes I lied to you and said I waited till date 3, but I didn’t. I did not take your advice and hold out. We went out on our very first date and hours later we were having our very first romp in my bed.

Why didn’t I tell anyone, even my BFF? I feared judgement. I feared the backlash of feeling like a whore. I feared the truth, but I don’t do that shit anymore. Judging and being judged is for the fucking birds and if you don’t like my decisions, so be it.

So back to first date booty. Matt and I had kissed in his car after an amazing date. So I invited him inside my house. When things got a little more hot, I told him I was NOT going to have sex with him, but then when he stopped, I said screw it.  I wanted it. Badly. So I did it. This hot ass boy who I had been lusting over for 5 months was hooking up with me. This man who made my skin feel like it was on fire when he opened his mouth to speak. This guy who gave me way more than butterflies… there were fucking UNICORNS swimming through my insides because of him. I wanted it more than anything and I did not feel bad about it at all. And 5 years later we have three kids, are happily married and still have a very exciting sex life.

You see, these rules we have created in the dating world for all humans, are just silly. I mean, who are we to judge when the appropriate time for two consenting adults to screw is? I was 32, he was 31 (yep, I am robbing the cradle) we both were attracted to each other and we had some serious sexual energy going between us. WHY NOT?! It was fucking awesome (and no I did not get pregnant this night…I promise!!)

In the morning, with a mild hangover haze, we said our goodbyes and I did not feel the least bit weird. I felt good. Happy. Satisfied. Of course phone calls came in and yes, I told my friends we just made out. I felt bad lying, but I also did not want to hear it from anyone. I knew I would see Matt again. And not just because of the good booty.

Him and I were two adults with a lot of good vibes flowing. Sex is an awesome, natural and fun thing and I wanted to experience that with him. Quickly. From the moment I laid eyes on him, months before our date, I wanted to have sex with him. The first time he opened his mouth to speak to me at his job and I heard that hot ass Boston accent, I wanted to rip his clothes off. 5 months of him and I sharing a client through our work, I thought dirty things about him. When we would see each other for 5 minute increments and “work talk” I would walk away so hot and bothered, Masturbation Monday became Masturbation Matt-day. Like for real. I wanted this dude and when the opportunity arose (pun intended) I pounced on that shit! (again, pun totally intended.)

The entire night on our first date, I was thinking about it. Yeah, I was thinking about how cool of a guy he actually was, (which I was not expecting) but I was also wishing the end of the night would come, so we could too…..

I am a strong believer in going for things that you want. Especially as a woman. If you want something, you need to do it. You deserve it!! Whatever it is. A job, an idea, an item, a lay…..fucking get it. Be realistic and be safe, but do it. I wanted to have sex with Matt as soon as I could. And I did and it was the best decision I have ever made.

There is nothing wrong with first date fornication. If you want it, I say go for it. Whether you see each other again or not is not going to depend on sex. If you have sex, hell yeah. If you don’t, hell yeah too. It is whatever you want. But let’s’ stop the judge-y, “you’re a slut if you do” talk. It is just silly.  In my eyes, you are not a slut if you do. You are a fucking go getter and man, I hope you are getting it.