Category: Shitty Housewife

Matthew Anderson and Hope Solo

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Yep, it is the summer Olympic Games and I am celebrating my this Masturbation Monday with some hot ass athletes. There are so many to choose from. The bodies, the drive, the passion. You know that continues on and off the field! Anderson can spike and Solo can score…..I would take either! Enjoy these two 6 packing hotties!

USA volleyball player Matt Anderson is the new, young star on a team of veterans, who are also the reigning Olympic champions. He is also dealing with the loss of his father and got a tattoo in memory of his dad on the side of his right rib cage. ///ADDITIONAL INFO.01.anderso.0506.mg – 04/30/2012 – Photo by MICHAEL GOULDING,THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER – Additional info, CQs, and keywords for searching: US men’s volleyball star Matt Anderson for either that same Sunday or a day or two earlier or later. This profile will set up the Olympic qualifying tournament in Long Beach May 7-12.

 

The Olympics

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So-We-Meet-Again

HAPPY OLYMPICS!!!! Man, I love these games so very much. I really do! I try to watch as much as possible! I love seeing all the games, medal ceremonies, weepy story lines Bob Costas likes to give. It is simply the best. This year seems different though. There is so much hate and struggle going on in this awful world, it is the first time I have been nervous for the Olympics. And not because Rio has blown it as a host city, but because I am just scared someone is going to do some crazy horrible shit. It sucks that this is reality. But I am going to move past it and enjoy. Swimming, gymnastics, track and field…..get your party pants on!! So I salute you Summer Olympic Games for standing up and taking place. For moving forward and not giving a fuck about sewage lines busting!!! Go get it!!!

Tomato Pie

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So my garden has been AMAZING and out of control. We have more tomatoes and peppers than we know what to do with, hence Tomato Pie. Matt has requested this for awhile and since I have too many tomatoes, I decided it was time. I found some recipes but thought I would spice mine up a bit. Here ya go!!!

INGREDIENTS:

Tomatoes, pie crust, mayo, salt and pepper, ham, onions and peppers, shredded cheddar cheese and basil.20160803_170436_HDR

Step One:

Slice tomatoes and set in colander. I only did this for 10 minutes. I really wished I would have set them on paper towels for about an hour. Salt them for extra flavor. 20160803_170937_HDR

StepTwo:

Diced up everything. Onions, ham, basil and peppers. I am growing tons of different kinds so I did a variety of bell, havasu and banana. You can use any kind you like!20160803_172230_HDR

Step Three:

Let the tantruming begin

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Step Four:

Layer tomatoes, ham, basil, onion and pepper in pie crust.

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Step Five:

Mix 2 cups of cheddar and 1 cup of mayo together

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Step Six:

Look at a messy play room….AGAIN

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Step Six:

Spread cheese/mayo mixture on top of pie.

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Step Seven:

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes!

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You guys, this was SO good. We ate the entire pie that night. I was so surprised how good it was. And you could skip the ham and make it vegetarian. You could put whatever in there. We all loved it…..well not all……

 

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Shittiest Move of the Week

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TGIF and I freaking mean that this week. We survived week one with a kid in school and I have never been more excited to see the weekend. Except that I have to work tonight and Matt in the morning. But we have a weekend of fun so I can breath again. But before all of that I need to call myself out on my shittiest move this week. Here we go.

I know that all I have talked about this week is Viv starting school. Huge deal right?! But I realized after the first two days that I have made this week all about me. So much so I actually said (well shouted) those actually words to my 3 year old son. He was crying as we dropped her off, then started crying about wanting a new toy and I was having a moment. Or at least trying to have a moment. I wanted to watch her walk away. Watch her go and all I could focus on was him being cranky Kellen (his nick name.) She asked me to take him out of the school. She said she was good. I was so proud, but so sad. Like I felt so bad not being able to focus on her and her moment (well, my moment.) So as we walked home and he kept crying and complaining I shouted “Kellen, you ruined this morning for me” and some more things I am too shitty to admit. It didn’t really phase him. But as the day went on I saw how much he wasn’t ready for her to start school. He missed her and he didn’t know what to do without her. And the tantrum he was throwing was just confusion and worry about her not being near him all day like he is so accustom to.

It took me awhile to figure it out though. And as he tantrumed, well, I tantrumed back. I wanted to be the one crying. I wanted to be allowed to feel all the feels of a kid heading off to school. I wanted a moment and when you have multiple kids, well, you don’t get that. Well, maybe you do if you have a nanny or something, but not here. We will one day get to feel everything, but just not now. We as adults, just have to suck it up and move on.

Like right now, as I try to complete this, he is crying about getting a new toy (Viv told him I would buy him one today……WTF.) Anyway, my shittiest move is being a bitch to my toddler so I could be a big baby. Not logical, but hey am I ever????

Happy Friday,

xoxo

The Shitty Housewife

The Shitty Housewife’s Thursday Thoughts

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So as you all know I had my very first “letting go” parenting moment this week. I know, I know. I have three kids, one of which is 4 years old. How the fuck is this the first??? Well, my husband and I have managed, for 4 years, to keep one of us with her at all times. No daycare, no hiring a nanny. We busted our asses and worked and parented and exhausted ourselves making it happen. But we did it. I got 4 years at home with her and now her brothers. So yesterday she began school and it was rough…..for me.

But it was hard for everyone. Well not really for Viv. She did great. She was a tough cookie. No tears, totally chill and had a great time. Cool when I left her, cool when we all picked her up. Just chill. Her brother had a tougher time. I guess I did so much prepping with her I forgot to prep him. He cried when we had to leave the school saying he wanted to stay with her. He asked me over and over what to do. He told me he didn’t know what to do without her. He cried. A LOT. Matt was great, but I could tell he was anxious as well. He woke her up and helped her get ready. Got off work early to make sure he was there to pick her up. He was staring at the clock just as hard as I was waiting for it to be time to go scoop her. When she saw him at pick up she ran to him with the biggest smile on her face, so happy to see him.

The next step is Matt’s mom moving here. She is renting an apartment in town for a year now that she has retired. She wants to help with the kids and have a more routine presence in their lives. I am so excited. But nervous. I am taking on more hours at work and my school starts up again so she will be with the boys while Viv is at school. So I will be letting them go here soon. I know it is par for the course of parenting and most do it much sooner than this. And I know I talk a lot of shit about them being wild, disgusting and kinda assholes but they are my wild, disgusting assholes that I love more than I could have ever imagined and now this “home” time with them is over. And I am letting them all go…..it sucks.

It’s life though. And all these changes are for the best. I am watching them grow and seeing my family grow up. It is incredible and heartbreaking all at the same time. It is just going so fast. I feel like I will blink and Viv will be asking for birth control, Kell will be breaking someone’s heart and Cam will be getting arrested for urinating in public (these aren’t my parenting goals, I am just realistic.) The days seem long but the years are flying.

Happy Thursday folks, the weekend is almost here. We have ALMOST made it,

xoxo

Jan-O, The Shitty Housewife

She Starts School

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My daughter, my first born, my first baby starts school tomorrow. 5 days a week. All day. She will no longer be at home full time with me. Swallowing this information has been exceptionally harder than I could have ever imagined.

I have spent over 4 years side by side with Viviane. And prior to that, 9 months growing her inside my body. Yes, I have worked, gone out of town, been away from her. But this feels different. My day in day out buddy will be spending her days elsewhere. A place that will not be my side.

How do I do it? How do I walk her into a classroom full of kids and adults I barely know and leave her? How do I trust them? How do I trust the work I have done with her? How do I know I have done all I should have done to mold her into a kid ready for school? How do I do this??

I have been asking myself these questions and a million more since I signed her up months ago. The truth is, she IS ready. She needs this. She will love it and thrive. Her imagination will get to be nurtured all day in an environment dedicated to it. And yes, we are dedicated to her growth here at home, but we also have her brothers, work, school, chores, blogs and a million other things going on. Full time school for Viv will be perfect. She will adore it……I, well, I am a little worried about myself.

I have so many fears as a parent. I have been exposed to so many horror stories just watching the news. I know what is out there. Heartbreak. Sadness. Cruelty. But she does not. She is so innocent and unaware of the realities of this world. She lives in a world filled with acceptance, love, kindness and happiness. And I am so afraid to see that go away. I am so afraid to see her get hurt and see that innocence chip away. I want her to remain completely unaware of how cruel this world can be. I want to hold that burden for her as long as humanly possible. And watching her walk through the doors at a new school where I am not going to be makes me so scared that the burden will begin to slowly affect her.

Parenting is such a crazy roller coaster. You want to set them free and have experience, yet we want to be there and protect. We want our time to finish our shit but we never want them to not be around. We birth these babies, fight like dogs to get them eating and sleeping and destroy our bodies making sure they are okay, then we send them away to someone else to teach them……well everything. I know they are always learning from home and learning from us and family, it just all seems so odd. I know it only seems odd because I am in the thick of it. I am experiencing the very first ever “letting go” moment of my parenting career. Matt and I crafted a life where daycare was not needed. And here we are. Sending our sweet baby off. It hurts. A good hurt, but it still hurts.

So to all of you that have done this before please tell me it gets easier. Everyday, every child, every letting go situation. For now I will lie to myself and say it will. It is the only thing that will get me through tomorrow. I will be brave, strong and proud for her. Because I know I did do all that I could and that she is brave, strong and proud for herself.

 

Eric Taylor and Michelle Pfeiffer

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BACK TO SCHOOL EDITION…….

Welp, it is that time of year. BACK TO SCHOOL! Grab your trapper keep and back pack (although nowadays it is more like grab your ipad and roller luggage.) So since this week marks the first day of some bells ringing, I thought for this Masturbation Monday I would feature actors who have played the role of teacher in a very sexy way.

Eric Taylor from ‘Friday Night Lights’ and Michelle Pfeiffer from ‘Dangerous Minds’

Although I never watched Eric in this particular role, I have heard he NAILED it. And nothing is hotter than a coach who cares about his students, works hard for his family and who can blow a whistle in all the right ways. Michelle, although as of late, has changed her looks a bit, is beautiful. But she worked that shit in Dangerous Minds. Coolio wasn’t the only one who boomed after that movie. She was raw, rough and tough. Something we all like to think about when we are enjoying our Monday time!

So happy back to class. If you have time to rub on out before first period, then I hope it is to these two! Now hurry up….I don’t want to cause anyone detention!

 

Shittiest Move of the Week

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So as I wrap up my writing about my vacation, I thought I would end it with a bang. Of course I was shitty on vacation. OF COURSE!!!!! I mean, I am The Shitty Housewife, it is to be expected right?!

So it wasn’t anything that terrible, and I think a lot of people could relate. Vacation with kids can be stressful. A different environment, a new place to sleep, people spoiling you all over the place. But for some reason, I was extra tense this week. I could not relax, no matter how hard I tried. And I was TRYING! And I was trying so hard, I turned into an edgy, tense, feisty bitch. Like big time. I was constantly snapping at the kids, rolling my eyes, and staring at the clock waiting for bedtime. One night, I was so over it, I put the baby to bed at 5:30 (that is about 3 hours early for him.) I just couldn’t.

I think in my head I had this idea of them chilling out on vacation. But instead they turned into rampaging, party animals. Even more so then they are at home. Look it all worked out and everyone survived, but not without some mommy meltdowns in between. Matt had to tell me to calm down numerous times. And after we landed back home, walked to baggage claim, strolled by an airport store selling cute kid luggage and my daughter said “Mommy, I want that travel bag” I glared back and stated “No need, we are never traveling again.” I realized that I was the one making things tenser than they needed to be. It is vacation, let it go. Blow of steam. Care less, right?!

Welp, better luck next time………if there is ever a next time.

Thursday Thoughts

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Well, the O’Shaughnessy Family of 5, first ever family vacation is in the books. We came home last night after a long day of intense travel. It was an amazing 7 days. Great to see so much family and what a beautiful setting we had waking up everyday at my in laws lake house.

Traveling with 3 toddlers is no joke. The planes, the car trips, the non routine. The bad sleep!!!! It was more tiring than I could have ever expected. Last night, once the kids were all home and in their beds Matt and I looked at each other like, ‘What the fuck just happened?’ We are shot. And of course today we all had to wake up at 6 am, Matt heads to work and the kids and I head to the vet to drop off one of the pups for surgery. Then tonight, Matt and the kids pick up the pup while I work. Never a dull moment here.

This is our last official week of summer. And with all three kids at home…FOREVER. Viviane starts school next week. 5 days a week……IT IS FUCKING CRAZY. I actually can not blog about it currently because I will begin crying and I don’t have time for a break down this morning. Plus that is a WHOLE other blog in itself.

Man, these days go fast. Vacation, although tiring, went by in a blink. This LAST summer literally just started and now it is over in 6 more sleeps. My daughter is starting school. The baby, well, he just not a baby anymore. This whirlwind we have been on since the day we met has been nothing short of INCREDIBLE. But now post vacation, we have so much change ahead of us. I am nervous, excited, worried, scared, happy but mostly proud. Proud of this little life Matt and I created for ourselves and for our kids. They are pretty cool. Our life is pretty cool. Our love is pretty cool. Being so lucky is pretty cool.