Wife VS Girlfriend…
So I have been a girlfriend a lot longer than I have been a wife. In fact, I only recently got married and became a wife.
I became a girlfriend for the first time when I was 20 years old. Currently I am 36, so I have a ton more girlfriend experience. I honestly don’t think girlfriends get enough credit. Yes, when Matt and I exchanged vows and made that step, things did change. MAJORLY. But that is for another blog. Prior to that I was his girlfriend for almost 5 years and most people did give me that respect of importance in his life, but some did not. And sadly, the people who did not were mainly women. Most of the time, not openly, but females were the ones who asked the questions like “Do you guys talk about marriage?” “Don’t you want a ring?” “Isn’t marriage important?” “How do you know he is committed?” HHHHHMMMMM, how do I know? Because I fucking know.
At the time he was my boyfriend and we had committed to that and that was enough. That was major. We lived together. We had kids together. We discussed major life issues together. We planned a future together. The wedding and ring did not solidify our relationship as a couple. Our open love, respect and loyalty is what made us solid.
When you get married (especially when you already have children) society is so much more accepting. You don’t get sad eyes saying “Oh, you aren’t married to your baby daddy?” But my role has not changed. Our commitment hasn’t changed. I was just as much a committed girlfriend as I am a wife and the same for Matt. I was so proud to call him my boyfriend. I was even prouder to call him my baby daddy.
Being in a long term committed relationship should not only be accepted if a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry are involved. It should be fine with zero questions attached to it when you are deeply in love and in it for the long haul.
I did think about marriage and if we would get married. I wondered if Matt would at some point propose to me. I remember my friends asking me when we were going to have a wedding. But looking back, I kinda regret those thoughts. Because while I was wasting my time doing that, he was building a life with me. He was working on his future with me. He wasn’t concerned about creating a title for me. He was only concerned about creating a life with me.
Society and it’s so called acceptable standards get in the way of every aspect of our lives. If you are a girlfriend, do not let it get in the way of that. That shit is AWESOME. Someone wants to be with you, for a long period of time, and love you! I promise…THAT IS ENOUGH!!!!
Now trust me, I ADORE being a wife. But I don’t consider myself A wife. I consider myself HIS wife. With love and respect Matt asked me to be his wife. It wasn’t because it was time, or because we rushed, or because I pressured him. It was simply because it felt right to us to change our title.
Be proud to be your role. Whatever it may be. And be proud to tell someone you are not married yet. Don’t let them take that special feeling you get when you are a girlfriend away. You never know when your role will change and it will happen at the perfect time, with the perfect person and with the perfect piece of THEIR HEART.
3 thoughts on “Wife Life”
I love this! I was a girlfriend for 7 years before our wedding. Granted, the first 4 year we were in college together so marriage really wasn’t even on the table (or an interest to either of us) during that time. That being said, I think there is a HUGE difference between having kids with your boyfriend while you are teens/early twenties, and having kids with your boyfriend when you are late twenties+. Let’s be honest, men are, in general, not mature creatures, but they do tend to mature as they age (slightly?). Those few months after bringing home your first kid are downright scary. Not that there was ever a doubt in my mind with my husband, but I can see some young couples questioning their commitment during those difficult times. It hurts my heart to see babies born to young couples who aren’t in it for the long run, but this seems to be the way of the world these days. Babies deserve a Mom and Dad…or at least to be brought home to parents who will fight for them to have that.
Just my opinion! Love the blog Jan!
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I have been a girlfriend forever! Not sure if marriage is in our plan but we do love each other! I can totally relate to your story, people (mostly women) do look at you differently as the girlfriend. Then when you add kids to the mix it becomes something different. I can remember telling my parents I was pregnant at 32, it felt like I was 16 telling them and all because I was not married.
There are alot of days when I feel married. But I have to say the only time I really think about how I am not married to my baby daddy is when I am laying next to him in bed and its late at night the house is quiet and there I am still the girlfriend! I do feel a little lost when I think about it. When I say lost I don’t mean in the sense that I have no direction but the lost that you feel when you can’t find your keys. It’s that anxious feeling of knowing where they are but you just can’t remember where you left them…its that kind of feeling like I know I love this man with all my being I just want to keep him forever.
Anyway, great post and I can totally relate! Maybe marriage will happen one day! Until then I am just happy to be with someone I love and admire!
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Thank you for your beautiful response!!! I found out I was pregnant at 32 and felt so scared telling my mom too!!! Thanks for all your support!!! Your boyfriend is one lucky guy!