Bryan Cranston and Diane Lane

I hope your bullets have fresh batteries and you have extra lotion on hand, because today is a double dose of parental hotness. You heard correct boys and girls, we are checking off the 50-65 age bracket for today’s Masturbation Monday.

So everyone who has a pulse knows who Walter White is. (And if you don’t, well I suggest you stop reading this very moment and sit down with a pack of smokes, 8 tombstone pizzas and binge watch the best show that has ever happened to TV, Breaking Bad.) The leading man, Walt aka Heisenburg, may not be that hot on the show, but god almighty if he isn’t the tallest glass of water off camera.

Look, maybe it is my deep seeded daddy issues, but there is something not only sexy about Bryan Cranston, but so comforting. I grew up without a real father presence and I long for that from Bryan. Seriously, I want him to adopt me and take me to the fair and make me pancakes, you know daddy stuff. CREEPY alert, I also want bang him. I do not want to bang my dad, just Bryan, when he is pretending to be my dad……ok I just made this so weird. Fuck it, just look at the pictures below and have fun. Daddy issues or not, you can not deny this dreamie piece of man.

Bryan has not only done TV, he has accomplished movies, Broadway and will soon be a voice for an animated role this summer. He has been with his wife forever, never has bad publicity and just seems super fucking cool. I love him and one day when he adopts me I promise I will stop lusting after him.


So if you have seen Unfaithful, you have pretty much seen some of the best PG-13 sex scenes that have ever existed. I mean for real, like one of the hottest movies ever and mainly because of Diane Lane. I remember watching her and thinking, wow, that lady is fucking sexy.

She embraces classiness in a way that most Hollywood leading ladies can’t. She has mastered her roles with grace, beauty and EXTREME hotness. She has made males of all ages swell up and continues to do so even as she gets older. I only hope to still look that good and can turn people on when I am her age! Man ol’ man Miss Lane, go on with your hot self.

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