Top 5 Things I am Thankful For

It is Thanksgiving!!! So it seems like the perfect time for me to express a little extra thanks to some of my favorite things. These things that bring so much joy, laughter and love to my life. Things that I honestly do not know how I would survive life without.

Now most if you are expecting me to say my husband. My kids. My family. His family. My friends. My work. My home. Our health. But like come one…those are a given. Of fucking course my survival depends on all of those beautiful things and people. But today I am talking about some real day to day shit that thank fucking lord Jesus exist.

#5 Google


I mean what on earth would I do without Google? Google has gotten me out of so many jams….like on a daily basis. I am thankful for you Google for all of your life lessons and for advancing me in my school program (seriously though… I would still be in my first semester had it not been for Google.) THANK YOU GOOGLE!!!

#4 Salsa and Queso


Queso, you will never understand how much you have improved my life. Your cheesy yumminess can turn any frown upside down and make any shitty day so much better. Salsa…quite frankly, I have no words. I think of you at every meal, knowing how much you could improve what I am eating. Thank you both for being there for me for so many years and trust….many more to come. Thank you Queso and Salsa!

#3 Tampons


Man ol man tampons…we have come a long way. I mean through all the PMS, mood swings, tears, ice cream fests, you have always been there. Making me feel as comfortable as one can feel as they are bleeding for 5 days straight. You are my little right hand man for a week out of every month. And those 27 months I was pregnant, I did miss you. Thank you tampons. You truly are a girls best friend.

#2 Beer


You all knew this was coming, right???!!! Beer, I love you so much it is crazy. You always know how to work my palette in the most scrumptious way. You make social scenes so much more tolerable (and being around my kids!) You make working a long day worth it and you make hangovers….not AS bad. Thank you Beer, for always being there for me.

#1 Orgasms


I don’t know too many people who aren’t thankful for you orgasm. You are the only thing that can make me forget when my husband is bugging me. You are the only cure for a minor headache and I can always rely on you for helping me feel more “active” when I forget to work out. You literally make me feel happiness and not too many things can do that. Thank you orgasm. Forever and always……


The Shitty Housewife

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