Yeah….I am kinda lame. I just can’t hang that easily without my husband. 3 kids, 3 dogs, a cat, a house. Like shit falls apart fast. Like right now, as I am trying to type this, one kid is throwing another kids markers over into the kudzu field off my deck, while I scold kid 3 on not properly wiping his ass. They say it takes a village and the are fucking correct! So here are my top 5 needs to survive this week while my husband is enjoying a week long vacation in Seattle with his brother (jackass!)
#5
A bouncy house. Like a full, gigantic, full of twists, turns and balls kinda bouncy house. Guaranteed to exhaust the kids and once they pass out, you can play too. Or you can just go to a bouncy house place and hide when they close and spend the night there. Everyone scores that way, right??
#4
Nothing will help a bitch survive a week alone while her man gallivants than a girls trip in the works. Grab HIS card and buy some plane tickets. You deserve at least that!
#3
5 nights away means it is time to bust out the vibrator….a lot. Not like you have time to knock the boots all that much with your man, but when he is away, masturbation Monday can turn into masturbation everyday. Why the fuck not?!
#2
Please refer to #3. Perfect jerk off material. FUCKING PERFECT!
And the #1 thing you need to survive a week without the hubs….
BOOZE….all of it. Get it and don’t look back. It is going to be long 6 days.
Wish me luck
xoxo
The Shitty Housewife
