I found out I was pregnant for the first time two and a half months after Matt and I started dating. We were having the best time. Flirting, going out all the time, spoiling each other, having a ton of sex and just that wonderful feeling of falling in love.
Well after I peed on the stick, all of that came to a halt… well, not the falling in love part. But the fun “beginning stage” of dating ended. Reality hit hard. I did not move in with him right away but it was discussed. In fact, we had to have MANY serious discussions most brand new couples don’t have to have until dating for years. Finances, insurance, work schedules, thoughts on parenting, to name a few. Things got real crazy, fast. And although I would not change a single thing about our relationship and the progression of it, there are a few things I wish we could have done. And one day we will do these things with each other, we will just do them as an old, bitter, married couple. Not a young, frisky, newly dating couple.
I started thinking about this the other day when we were unloading a new piece of furniture out of Matt’s truck. Our neighbor, a 20 something dude was helping his new girlfriend onto his motorcycle. They were so cute and fresh and just had that new couple glow about them. Matt and I were both just looking at them and I could tell we both remember that feeling. The butterflies, giggling, finding any excuse to touch each other. The newness of a relationship is simply amazing. And I know there is something SO amazing about growing old and having a deep experienced relationship, please don’t get me wrong. But that feeling, when Matt and I first started dating…that feeling for those 2.5 months, the sweetness of those 75 days…..man, I wish I could have bottled that shit.
Somehow we managed though. We still kept dating (that sounds so funny since I was pregnant with his kid, but that doesn’t mean anything really these days.) But we did. Instead of hooking up at happy hour, we started cooking at his place. Instead of taking nights off from each other to be with friends, we began spending every night at each other’s houses. Instead of coming up with a vacation plan, we sat down and decided on a birthing plan. Instead of deciding on what restaurant we wanted to eat at, we were deciding on a baby name. Instead of him seeing me puke one time after a night of boozing, he saw me puke multiple times a day and was always there with a glass of water forcing me to rehydrate. Instead of meeting each other’s friends and family after a period of time, I was moving in and meeting everyone with a baby bump.
IT WAS NOT EASY. But at the same time, it was so easy. It worked. I was a mess the first time I was pregnant. It was not a good experience for me at all. But Matt, this almost stranger, this cute boy who I had a crush on for awhile, was there every step of the way trying to make it easier. And yes, we missed out on a lot of new couple things and adventures, but we had our own. Most new couples don’t go to the gyno together. We did. Most new girlfriends don’t go to sleep at 7 pm every single night for weeks on end because of pure exhaustion, but I did. (Matt read a lot of books!) Most new boyfriends don’t have to see their new girlfriend’s hot little body drastically change night after night and go from sexy to unsexy pretty fast….but Matt did (and he did his best to make me feel sexy no matter how much my waist expanded.) Most first anniversaries of dating aren’t celebrated with a newborn. Ours was. Viv was 3 weeks old one year after we began our adventure.
I know all the things I feel like we “missed” out on will be able to happen one day. We will get to go on a vacation one day (yes, we have never been on a vacation without our kids or without one in my belly…ever.) We will get to take a cooking class, go to fancy restaurants, sleep in on Sundays, hell maybe even ride a motorcycle together. We will just do it later on in our marriage. When our kids are grown up and self sufficient and sick of hanging out with us! And even though my neighbor and his new GF are all giddy and cute next door, I know that behind the walls of my house lives a love that is deeper and truer than I ever thought imaginable. And that even though they are cute and new, Matt and I are cute and old. And that is more comforting than any giddiness could ever be.