I’m that girl. I’m annoying, I bitch, I nag. At least that is what I am told…
My boyfriend has asked me many times why I feel the need to constantly ‘bitch’ or act like “nothing he does is good enough.” He says it wears him down to not want to to anything since he “can’t ever do anything right.”
And every time he says something like that, a little part of me dies. As cliché as that fucking sounds, it’s true. Because I am always trying to think of ways to build him up, tell him how in love with him I am and how much I appreciate what he does for me and our little girl. 9 times out of 10 when he responds like that, I sincerely didn’t know I was coming off that way.
In my head, I am asking him nicely and politely to do something. I am simply asking if that is the best idea or could we tweak it a little bit, because I am just not sure or simply curious. I am asking him a simple question that I think is really no big deal to answer.
In his head, I am nagging him to do something. I am undermining his idea and arguing. I am pushing something that he doesn’t want to deal with. I have an attitude.
I try really hard to not be that girl, but I don’t know what else to do. He wants to do things or buy things that I don’t agree with and I try my hardest to not say shit. Sometimes I am successful. Sometimes I let things slip and blow my fucking top. But often times, I just want him to know my opinion on things, or to talk things out instead of just what he says, goes. But he doesn’t see it that way.
I guess what I need is for us to find common ground. A way to understand each other. Because a lot of the time when he thinks I’m ‘bitching’ I get so stunned that he thought that, that I don’t know what else to say. I want him to see that I’m really not meaning anything by what I say, and help me find a way to say things better. I have tried to work with him. He wants to play video games to “relax” and instead gets so pissy that me walking in front of him annoys him. So I try to learn to play with him. I sucked, but he saw that I put effort in and I think he appreciated it.
Any tips would be helpful, from guys and girls alike. I would love to find a way to communicate with my non-communicative boyfriend without sounding like that girl.
And if nothing else works, he knew about my attitude coming into the relationship so I guess he will have to deal, right? Fuck.
When you want or need something done just start with a hug and kiss and make him think whatever it is is his idea like “the garage would be an amazing man cave a d I think a gun cabinet would look great right here and we definatly should have a bbq and game night that would be awsome but I can’t find the time to clean it out “and I’ll bet the garage will be clean in a jiffy and you will be the coolest gf ever. Works everytime
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You should post specifics about the last time you “bitched” to him. Your side of it and his side of it. Might be that you’re condescending, might be that he’s too sensitive, or a little of both. Hard to tell without seeing specifics. (sorry, I do alot of marriage counseling – I know I’m asking you to do something very personal)
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Most of the time he gets pissy and thinks I’m bitchy when i ask him more specifics about something. Or, he says go *insert road name* but i suggest a different route to avoid traffic. Simple stuff like that he will act like i just called him a dumbass
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Take a month off from making any suggestions, comments, requests, etc. only make compliments. He might have some history being made to feel stupid that has nothing to do with you. You can help him heal, but will require sacrifice on your part.
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I have tried before and have a hard time keeping my mouth shut lol. But i may give it another try
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Might be part of the problem, but the other part is probably some hurt he’s carrying.
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I try very, very hard to not come off condescending. Many times he asks me what is wrong and then when I tell him he thinks Im bitching that he isnt good enough
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