Here is the deal…I don’t get jealous of much. Like, if a girl checks out my husband, I am proud (he is mine and someone else wants him, why be jealous? Be stoked.) I don’t get jealous if he gets to go out and I am home with the kids. I don’t get jealous that he makes way more money than me. I just don’t get jealous. Except for one thing. One major thing. I get jealous of SLEEP. Like full on, pissed off, fuck you, I hate you jealous.
Since I got pregnant with my first child, my sleep has suffered. So seriously, since 2012, I have not had a good night sleep. Every noise, every baby cry, toddler whine, dog bark, EVERY FUCKING NOISE wakes me up. Matt can sleep through anything. Like, he can wake up, have a full-fledged conversation and not even realize that his sleep was interrupted. While I am over here awake for hours after, wondering when I will get my z’s again.
Earlier this week we had to take a quick road trip out of town for a funeral. Of course my kids are already a train wreck because they are traveling, but even worse, they aren’t sleeping. Like at all. I felt like in a span of 4 days I got about two hours of sleep. And not because I was out partying, but because my kids were being out of control. And who slept through it all? Yep, you guessed it. My husband.
Well, the last morning I had had enough. They woke me up at 5:30 am. After kicking and crying and whining all night, I felt atrocious. I got up and played and got them breakfast and settled them down as much as possible, and Matt slept. My anger increased and rather than just being a rational human, going over to him and waking him up and telling him I was tired and needed help, I decided to just be a bitch. An angry, overtired, crazy bitch.
It was our last day, so I packed everything up and sent it down to be packed in the van.
Except his clothes. (I packed his toiletries just because, fuck you, you are sleeping, you don’t get to feel fresh.) His parents popped by the room to see if we needed help and I talked shit to them about him (I know, BAD!!!) Then I made sure to get the kids out of our room, into an adjoining room and wake him up with only 5 minutes to get ready.
For a funeral.
It was low. He asked why I didn’t wake him up sooner, but I was too angry to even talk to him. And it wasn’t real anger, it was just exhaustion. Pure tiredness won the battle of Cool Jan vs Crazy Jan. I know it could have been worse and I could have been meaner, but this was shitty given the circumstances.
It was a funeral. For his Grandmother. Ouch, I know. Once again, I am the worst.
But don’t fuck with a woman’s sleep. I think his Grandmother would have understood. A tired woman is worse than a scorned woman in my opinion. Lack of sleep will make you insane.
There it is, my worst move this week. Better luck next time I guess!
A quick side note, his grandmother was the epitome of was a perfect housewife, mom, sister, mother should be. What a beautiful women was never stopped learning and loving. She had 9 children, 26 grandchildren and now her great grands are growing all the time. She received her masters when she was 62!!! She never stopped. She raised kids and educated herself and just continued to grow. I feel so lucky to have known her and have her love me. She welcomed me into her amazing family right away and never made me feel weird about having her grandkids out of wedlock. On my wedding day (pictured below) she told me she was proud of me and proud of how happy her grandson was. I hope I continue to do that forever, as shitty as I am.