No Sex Till Tubes Tied

Imagine saying that with the song “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” theme……….. I should Weird Al Yankovic that shit.

Anyway, that is where I am at. I have done a shit load of research. Tubes tied VS vasectomies. Yes, having the man get snipped is quicker, easier and cheaper. But since my husband has super sperm that has surpassed numerous amounts of birth control, I don’t trust a snip. I want that shit tied up. I actually want my entire inside lady parts removed, but that apparently is not an option.

So Matt and I have had extensive conversations on this matter and he has offered to get a vasectomy, but I have heard of too many vasectomy babies (well, 3) and I just can’t. So I began my research on getting my tubes tied. I did a ton. I figured out the exact route I wanted to go and called my doctor to get the ball rolling.

Sadly, because we live in a world where instant gratification is only plausible with men, I was not able to just call and schedule an appointment. This is what I have to do per my insurance…..schedule a counseling appointment. Then after having an in depth conversation and “convincing” my doctor I am ready I must wait 30 days. Then I can go ahead and get my tubes tied. WHAT THE FUCK? Look, this bitch has three toddlers already. I am 37, kinda addicted to having sex with my husband….SHUT HER DOWN!!!! Like, I am ready! I do not want to take anymore pills, buy anymore condoms or god forbid have to pee on any other stick. This ship has sailed. I am ready. Why all the hoops to jump through when this is my body and this is what I want??? Fuck you rules against women! It’s my body and this is what I want to do, why the hell the wait???

So in my rage against the rules, I told Matt that we are not having sex until this process is over. Because I know my luck…during this 30 day waiting period, some shit will happen. Sucks, I know, but I also know he does have super sperm and I do have desperate eggs.

So lots of hj’s, dry humps and other goodies in our future I guess. We aren’t that freaky, but we do enjoy our adult time. I will most likely have more of an issue with this then he will. He does not believe I will make it, but I will. I guarantee it. I will just have to keep extra batteries on hand! But seriously, these rules they have for women and what we can and can’t do with our bodies are ridiculous. Not at all reasonable if you ask me. Especially when a man can get a walk in vasectomy appointment. In all seriousness, that is true but why? We all know we handle stress, pain and recovery much better. Ever see a man with a cold…. functioning??? Lord knows I haven’t.

I will be so glad when this chapter is closed and my fallopian tubes are as well. Wish me and my horniness luck. I will need it.

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