The Shitty Housewife Does Carnival Rides

So yesterday was my daughter’s birthday. All week we had big plans to surprise her and take her to the fair. We got there and she and her brothers were all smiles. Rides, carney food, rides, games, rides…….my worst nightmare.

See, I hate rides. Roller coasters, haunted houses, spinning rides. Pure hate. I get scared and sick. Who the fuck wants to be scared and sick. But it is a fair and it is her birthday so as her mom, I will go on these kiddie rides and stand there and clap. I mean, I am not THAT shitty.
Well, I almost escaped, but of course the inevitable happened. My husband wants me to go on an adult ride with him. This spinning, up and down bullshit ride. I reminded him that I hated rides…
“Matt, really? I will freak out and get sick.”
“Jan, don’t be lame. It is one ride.”
Well, I did it. Peer pressure from my main squeeze and my girl Nicole.
Night ruined. I was so fucking ill by the time that shit was over I could barely get off the ride. I was seeing double and more nauseous than I was during first trimester pregnancy. We quickly left, rushed home and I spent the next ten minutes puking in the bathroom. I couldn’t even eat the birthday cake I made for Viv. Yuck…..
The good thing is Matt felt so bad for pressuring me, I got some good “I’m Sorry” booty, but to be honest, I was still kinda seasick, I didn’t enjoy that jostle either……

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