I never wanted to be a wife. It wasn’t really a major goal of mine. I never had the wedding dreams or thought much about rings. I just didn’t get that girly gene. I have had lots of boyfriends. I had lots of hook up friends. I never really hated being single. I never really sought out boys, although there always seemed to be one around. But I was always pretty cool with it either way. When I was with someone I gave it my all (well, as much as a semi shitty person can give) and when I was single, well, I lived that shit up. I went on dates, I went out all the time and I made out with pretty much most of the boys in Atlanta.
I was always pretty weird when I got involved with someone. I wanted my alone time, my space and my friend time. I really never combined those moments with the boys I was with. I just couldn’t figure out how. Once I hit my 30’s there became this ridiculous pressure from so many sources that it was time for me to settle down. That going bar hopping and boy hunting was not okay because I was older and that I was at an age where finding a man and raising some kids should be my main focus. These ideas came from all over. Friends, family, co-workers, social media, EVERYWHERE. And yeah, there were certain situations that I did start to lose interest in. Some scenarios that I did feel like the “older, single” girl. But I let that shit roll off. Sometimes allowing it to roll off was easier than others, but I remember thinking to myself that finding that one person would happen for me at some point. I knew it would happen. It would happen at the time it was supposed to and not a moment sooner. Yeah, I had my moments of crying over a boy. I had some lonely Sundays (never Saturdays, if I was lonely I did something about that shit on a Saturday night, that’s the best part about being single.) And of course I let those stereotypical images of me growing into an old single cat lady (or in my case pug lady) enter my mind.
But ya know what? FUCK THAT SHIT! There is not an age that you are supposed to start the role of a wife/husband/partner. You become that role when you find THE person. And to me, the later in life you get married the better. Less of a chance to cheat, get bored or divorced, right?! The longer you have to play and experiment and learn and grow into your best self, the better chance of your marriage surviving when it finally happens. I was 36 when I said my vows. I sewed a shit load of oats and stood up there, knowing who I was. I gave him the best, real-est, shittiest Jan I am and because I did not rush it, it will be the same one he says goodbye to when I pass away (that’s really morbid…my bad.) So here is what I am saying: To those of you who think there is a certain age one should be married and settled….FUCK OFF.
Now that I have found Matt, I would have waited another 30 years for him. His love for me was worth the wait. Would you rather me have married the person I was with when I was 27?? HE WAS AN ASSHOLE!! And I would have been divorced by now. So back the fuck off with your old school way of thinking. And for those of you who aren’t married and think you should be because that is what society says…relax. And I know it is easy for me to say because I am married now, but try to enjoy. Do all the things and ALL THE PEOPLE you can do. It is your time to shine. Single is not a bad word. It is the time when you mold into the person you need to be and your future partner is doing the same. I can guarantee you, had Matt and I met years earlier, it would not have been what it is now. We needed those extra years under our belts without each other and with each other as boyfriend and girlfriend to be this awesome married couple we are now. So let’s all start re-wiring our minds. Enjoy each day, whoever you are with. Even if you are just with yourself. Because in the long run, you truly are the only person you need. Everyone else is just an awesome bonus.
And you can do this whether you are married or not…