I am a little bit over 1 week post partum and I am doing so much better than my first kid it is crazy! My delivery was definitely crazy, fast and unexpected but it left me much more, how do I say this, “intact.” I was up and showering by the afternoon and looking at houses the day after I was discharged from the hospital. It is great! But it has also led people to believe they can say things about my body… Maybe they don’t realize it had been less than a week or they just thought they were being polite? But listen up, everyone. No matter how long it has been after a woman has her baby, you don’t say shit about her size. Or her belly. Or anything!!

It started about an hour after labor. The tough love Caribbean nurse was making me pee and fitting me with my lovely mesh undies and mondo pad (side note: every time I changed that damn thing I thought of the scene from OITNB on the bus where she talks about the ‘maxi-maxi’) and she is helping me to the bed and pats my newly empty belly and asks if we are waiting for another one to come out… Like, biiiiiiitch, really? I heard my boyfriend choke on his drink but I was too out of it still to even think of a reply other than a gaping mouth. This woman works in labor & delivery and hasn’t learned to hush? Jeez!

Next it was a family friend we haven’t seen or really talked to in years. We were at a party and he said congrats on the baby (the 2 year old) and asked when we were due with the second… I just told him that the new addition was just over there with his aunt and watched his face fill with terror. I told him it was just a week ago and tried to calm the fear in his eyes. Poor guy almost shit himself.

Finally, I was picking out a shirt at an event we were at when the lady said she may not have a size that fits me. I was like, biiiiiiiiitch, really? There is a pile of ‘large’ right there! Give me a damn shirt. (It fit btw, big even!)

I wasn’t truly offended by these comments because yes, I do still look pregnant. But I remind myself that it’s barely been a week. With my first, I was still stuck on the couch at 2 weeks PP and had some serious issues with how I looked off the bat. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t all tight and toned before this one but I am much more accepting this go round about what my body has done and it will go back. My boyfriend is also totally okay with it and won’t leave me alone, ready to get back to our ‘usual activities’ which helps.

The moral of the story, really, is just shut up if you see a woman who just had a baby. Don’t comment on her size whether she looks great or terrible. Chances are, she only has maternity clothes that are too tight to cover the now awkward bulge and too loose that make her look even bigger. What clothes actually somewhat fit are worn constantly and therefore covered in breastmilk, spit up and who knows wtf else. She probably had a meltdown able to scare the bravest of men in the mirror before coming out in public and is constantly sucking in her belly and tucking in her love handles while hoping not to leak out of her pad during the PP Period from Hell.

So just be nice and shut ya face. It is the most polite thing you can do.